Sunday, December 30, 2007

I can't believe we're down to the last day of the year. It's kinda scary when you think back on how quickly it went.

I remember feeling lonely this time last year because I missed my friend, then i ventured out into the Reservation and made new friends. Summer came along with a massive change to how I made things work. There was a crossroads there, looking back. I could've changed my life forever, and I chose to stay the same.
Fall came, and I was still lonely, but not nearly so bad as I was during the beginning of the year.

Did I make resolutions? I couldn't tell you, I don't even think I stayed awake.

I wonder if this year will be different. I wonder if I'll be different.

It seems that as I grow, I find a new layer of someone who's always been me. It's like I'm building this puzzle of me and I only find one piece that fits per year, and somday I'll see the big picture, but I know it's not today. It's comforting to know that I'll someday be who I was meant to be, and not just pretend to be someone I know I'm not. that's what gets me through times like this.

I'm here now, and I'm floundering. I feel like calling for help, but the only one who can help me. I'm scared, I'm alone, because I have to do it on my own.

The New Year is here, and I can choose that path that lay ahead of me that will enrich me, I can choose to be that better person that is hiding...I can choose. And yet I don't.

I don't know how many people read this on a reglar basis, or at all...but to those of you who do, I hope you have a good new that you can fill with hope and all of those good things from within you. Each and every person I've met is amazing in their own way and holds at least one personality trait that I wish I possessed for myself. Make this year a memorable one...and not just for the reasons to complain about, make it the one where you genuinely want to remember and relive it over and over in your memory, because you never know when you'll need those thoughts.

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Oh my.
Why does it exhaust one so to stay patient and bite their tounge all day?
I've had two days like that. Days where I just want to yell "What the fuck is wrong with you??!"
Or "Do you not possess compassion or manners?!"
I'm tired...I'm exhausted, this season took a lot more out of me than I was expecting.
It's hard to be in someplace different, because different means you're not used to it. When you're not used to something you don't do things the same as you would in a comfortable place.
If I were at home, this is what I'd do in this situation...why? Because I would be comfotable enough to know my own limitations and abilities as far as support.
Even though my mother supported me all those years she didn't tell me what to do with my life...or where to go with it, or how to get there...ya know?
That's what I love about my mother...the pressure is non-existent there, it's always been within myself if I imagined it was.
It's the same thing here, but because everything is different, I don't feel comfortable enough owning up to that yet.
How long does my period of adjustment take?
Chance's aunt didn't want us invading their home on Christmas day...until we made other plans. I wonder if they even know how that sounds to foreign ears. Yes, I'm family, but I don't work like the rest of the family does...I'm different. That action offends me because it says to me that they don't care enough about me or my family to say "I could care less about you seeing me in improper clothing or whether or not I've put any effort into food for you, come over and surround us with love and presence", instead they saw me and my family as a hassel they didn't want to deal with on a very special day that only comes once a year.
Nevermind the fact that they haven't even phoned us since we've arrived, it's actually been us phoning them, or us visiting them. My kids are younger, and require more to pack, you'd think they could say, aw heck, we'll save you the trouble this time, and come visit you.
I have to sit back and ask myself, would my family do this to me? I'm sure some of the adult empty-nesters have already done something at some point in time, and I hafta wonder why I don't remember it.
I understand nobody's prefect (at least when you compare yourself to another), but people not realize that there's a whole world FULL of people who are NOT them?! how can people be so minute. How can they not have any vision for the world other than themselves?? Has their life been so horrible that they've decided to be a shut in?! If life has been so hard on them,why are we (as a world) paying for their mistakes?
Am I making the fool at McDonald's pay for being stupid enough to work there? No, I appreciate their service, regardless of how it is because I can relate to them on an emotional level (meaning I know I've felt just like they do at one point in time). Am I normal by any standards that way? I seem to think so, because I'm puzzled by the people who choose not to see it that way. I'm bewildered by the actions I see.
I'm terrified on being one of those people who are just there, and aren't actively trying to better themselves, or their lives. I'm terrified of holding a grudge against the world, because that would mean I'm destroyed emotionally...been there, done that.
if that were me someday, I'm hoping someone who loves me takes me aside and says, I love you enough to tell you that you can do better for yourself, and it's ok to move foreward, because I'm here with you.
I've seen examples of this aplenty since I've been in Ohio, and indeed a few times back home as well...and I've never had the courage to bring it up with those whom I see it in. I wonder why. Am I guilty of being an enabler? Am I guilty of not loving that person enough?
How do I prevent that horrible person I don't want to become?

I spent my night lastnight seperating the christmas garbage out, because I felt it important enough to...when my husband asked me why I didn't just throw it all out, I felt hurt that after 6 years he couldn't just answer that himself.
I'm stubborn, and I believe that recycling is important, no matter how tired I am. The earth is important to me, and plays a huge role in the judgement calls I make regarding the prducts I purchase because I want my children to have a future home that possesses natural resources. NO, I haven't done ALL of my reading on the subject yet, I have two kids for chrissake, what do you think I am?! I'm merely taking the important first steps to being more efficient and once that's done and I'm ready for the next, I'll take it. That's more than I can say for the average joe out there.
Consequently my husband calls me a tree-hugger. Like it's funny to call me that. yeah, I'm gonna go walking up to Elton John and call him a faggot and expect him to laugh because I think it's funny. Does that sound right? No, why would I disrespect someone for something that they are (and choose to be in some cases)?
I find people down here just don't function the way I wish they would I find myself biting my tongue and swallowing the smart ass remark I have in reserve for people who have such closed minds.
I pray someday the world would better itself...for now I'd be happy just to have some patience in reserve instead of feeling all tapped out.

In any event...I uploaded some pictures to Flickr.

Sunday, December 23, 2007

I'm trying to use my brain

and it's starting to fail miserably., I'm trying my hardest to make up both my gramma and mummie's places in the holiday scheme of things for the boys, and I believe I'm pulling it off for the most part.
I decided I'm going to do as much food prep today as I can to avoid being stuck in the kitchen tommorow. Busy Busy Busy. I've still gotta work on the pj pants I wanted to make for the boys, and their robes...but oh well. I also wanted to make a few baby doll items for the girl next door. I made, oatmeal raisin cookies, a box cake, peeled the potatoes and set them aside for the mashed tommorow, sliced the carrots and set them aside for tommorow, made a veggie tray, tuna (for the puffs/biscuits I'm gonna make), a cheese ball, sliced pickles for the cheese tray, deviled eggs, a fruit cocktail (the kind with the whipped cream and marshmallows), a pasta salad all this afternoon/evening.
I still plan on making pigs in a blanket, pancake batter (so chance can just toss it on tommorow morning), and rolls.
I figure this can be accomplished if I lay out and pin my pattern that Chance can cut it out for me while I bus myself in the kitchen, then tommorow morning I can sew. I hope.
We still need to go get D's glasses, return library books and such.
Oh well, I'm not stressin over it.
We just got all of the gifts brough over from Don & Rhonda's...and wow. We almost have no living room left. I could understand this amount if there were as many people as we usually have back home, but wow. It's almost frightening when you see it as a whole, how much we all spent.
We're pretty much all set for the next few days, in any event. Here's hoping yours goes as smoothly as I think ours will go.

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Way much

t's funny when you sit back and think about it. how horribly overcome Christmas is with how much money you have. it's become a season of pissing contests. Like, if you don't make this much money, you won't have a good enough Christmas because you're not getting the season's hottest toys.
It crazy how much I see people buying in one trip to the store (god forbid they make multiple like that), full shopping carts, multiple shopping carts (I've done this, but with neccesity's) ppl.
How much do we need to drive ourselves into debt to ensure we have a "happy holidays"?
I would be content with something hand made, that would really show me that you cared about me enough to put some of your time into my gift. I don't want your money, I want you.
Back home, I complained a lot about everything that needed to be done, but I made sure everyone had at least one thing that I made for them, and one store-bought item under the tree. I complained about going to pick them up, but in reality it was a family tradition, and this also showed how much I wanted them to be a part of my family's holidays. All of the things I complained about I placed on myself because I loved my family enough to do, and because I couldn't imagine the holidays without them. I wanted them to enjoy the traditions that we created together, such as the loop to pick everyone up nd drop them off, family games, family movie nights, and the never-ending snacking.
If it came down to it...I'd be happy just to have my famiy there, and I wouldn't even need a gift. the gift would be the love that is shared when we're together.
That sounds mushy, I know, but it's really true when you shed some light on it.
When it all comes down to it, it's really important that we remember why they're called holidays, and what we're supposed to do with them.
I miss my family, and I'm going to try my hardest to ensure that the kids don't miss them near as much as I do. The only way that's accomplished it focusing on the here & now, and not back then. Having fun with them, teaching them new things, and making sure that they know what the holidays are for.
They for being together, and remembering what a gift each and every person in your life is. They're not about money, or toys, or clothing, or objects. They're not about how many gifts lay under the tree. They're about what crazy new story you have to tell everyone from this season.
Let's see, there was the time the boys stood up while sledding, there was the time we tried going over the Coquihala toll booth and got stuck in the snow, or the time we had Harry pop in with us because his family was troubled that year. I have specific memories from each holiday season because at least one thing made them memorable each time, and that was the fact that all of the people I loved and held near n' dear were there with me.

Monday, December 17, 2007

I wonder who all has recieved my Christmas cards so far? Hmm...
I got Steven's package Saturday (too cute), and Mom's package (still need to wrap stuff) today. We also got Jean & Ernie's Christmas card, as well as Josh & Acette's, and Steven's. I like Cards, there so nice.

Sunday, December 16, 2007

I really missed daily updates on my blog

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Snow Be-Moaners

I don't quite understand what the big deal is with snow. Everyone (so I've noticed) gets so worked up when talking about snow that's coming, or even weather for that matter. What happened to all those happy-go-lucky people who just take things as they come, without fear that the world is going to end (an exaggeration, I know) when the next weather front hits?
The neighbors, the ppl at the grocery store, church people, relatives...they all seem to do the same thing. Doomsdayers, who panic at the thought of any bad weather. My husband is included in that, though not to the extent that I've seen some strangers go to.
I tend to sit back (cause they all have that look of stricken panic) and watch the goings on, shaking my head. I wonder what the big deal is...each year there's snow, or rain, or lots of wind, or whatever.
Snow, you drive nice and slow, and it doesn't matter how long it takes you to get where you're going, as long as you get there.
Rain, once again, drive slow, and if other people want to be idiots, let them. Who cares how long it takes you to get somewhere, or how much you hold other people up, it's their own fault for not leaving earlier.
Wind, well, just make sure you have both hands on the streering wheel.
When y'all hear about big weather coming, don't will go on, provided you treat it with the right amount of respect.
I find having my vehicle fully stocked for any emergency lessen's any amount of fear of breaking down that I may have, so be prepared works too.
That is my advice to you people, who need to take a deep breath and just relax, this is life...stop fighting it and go with the flow.

Friday, December 14, 2007

Yay, I'm Back on the Map!

Internet at home is nice, but as before I can't really use it until the nightime.
I've spent my entire day baking...cookies cookies cookies, all day. The Church accross the street is having a cookie-sale for a fundraiser, so I'm doing my part. Of course, my part wouldn't b min if I didn't go over-board. So, here I am, taking a quick break before finishing my last batch of cookies...Gingerbread!. So far I've made Oatmeal-Raisin, Peanut Butter, Smickerdoodles, and Merangue cookies. I've also made Buck-eyes for the first tie, and they weren't as complicated as I was expecting.
Now I just hafta roll out my gingerbread and toss em in the over, then Chance is planning on making Chocolate Chip and no-bakes.
I've been reading my sign-language books and have been trying to learn some new signs to teach the boys. Hunter seems so interested when I'm doing school-work with Darius that I figure it wouldn't hurt if I taught them somthing together.
I like having the internet at home because it gives me an opportunity to do something for myself, cause I'm not doing much else for me at this point in time.
Darius had his Optometrist appointment the other day, and there's really nothing overly-wrong with his vision. the Dr. said he's a little far-sighted right now, but that he'd grow out of it, and that it was also normal for a child his age. That pissed me off, cause now I'm all paranoid thinkin the stupid school was making shit up to help their case to boot him out. People suck.
So, anyhow, we got him some glasses to help with his school-work (she gave a list of symptoms to watch out for if we needed them, and I said they wre already all present), and while we were picking the frames out there wasn't any intrest at all on D's face until he put one specific pair on, then he got a real big grin on his face. Thankfully, he was covered under the government medical card.
Next week I have the boys' check-ups, and I'm really hoping I'll have a new medical card that covers both of them because they wanna charge me 125 bux for Hunter cause he's currently not covered.
If you haven't watched Sicko yet, you need to.

Tuesday, December 11, 2007

Okay, I've uploaded pictures from my last bit onto Flickr...they go back into November, so I'm a bit behin, but at least they're up.
My house is abnormal. I swear, everything has it's place, and it looks the same each day.
I remember in mom's house that you never could tell from day to day what would be out on the table, or in the living room. I can't do that at my house. It doesn't even feel family friendly.
On another note, we've gotten the computer for D's schooling, and all of his course-books, and we'll have internet at home by Friday! Yay!
I've been thoroughly domesticated, and it shows. I don't even bother with make-up anymore unles I know it's a big event. I'm a sweater and slipper kinda lady now too cause we keep it so cold in the house (our latest heating bill was a whopping 166 bux! so now we're trying to keep the heat down).
Life is going ok I suppose. I'm alive, and the kids are happy, those just need to be my main focus to drag me out of the dolldrums I guess.
Christmas is coming up fast. I just need to make a couple of last minute things, and get my stocking stuffers and I'm good. ;o)
Darius visited the dentist and was checked out OK. Tommorow he goes to do his diagnostic test with a school teacher, then off to the Optometrist to find out just how bad his eyes are.
Next week we should get the boys's check-ups with the Pediatrician we've selected (an East Indian Male).
Definately keeping myself busy, I drop at the end of the day. I stay busy with the boys each day with school-work and meals, then we usually watch a movie at night or play board games (picked up Monopooly Junior toy story edition and chutes and ladders for 50 cents a piece) and Darius kicks our butts most times, I honestly don't know how he does it.

Friday, December 07, 2007

I'm homesick.
If I dind't have kids, I wouldn't be getting out of bed everyday.
I get stuff done everyday, my life moves on, but it's really not going anywhere because

a) I don't have ANY income, which means I cna't leave unless it's neccesary (a 20 minute drive eats up gas that I can't replace without an income)

b) I have yet to begin my volunteering anywheres.

C) I know all my debts in Canada are piling up and there's fuck all I can do about them.

d) I just don't really have anyone to talk to that will really listen, instead of interrupting to tell me their lifestory.

There's a long list of complaints that I have with living here, but it's not really going to matter what I say, because it boils down to me making the choice to move here because I wanted to be fair. I moved here because I had no backbone to tell them to leave me alone. I moved here because I couldn't justify a divorce, because one side told me he didn't deserve me, and the other said...Forgive him, everyone makes mistakes. I couldn't make up my mind, and nothing was letting me get over anything anytime soon.
To quote someone...Life won't just stop because you can't make up your mind.
We had a lot of events since I last posted.
I made my christmas cards, and am planning to send them out real soon, though i'm unsure if they'll have pictures in them or not (I've had them finished for a week now and I've been waiting on pictures). Chance asked me why I put so much effort into things like that, and i had to say it was because I'm not sending gifts home, so this will have to do.
Darius has lost his first tooth, and the second one isn't far behind. Hunter has played in the snow for the first time. Chance is putting in a lot off effort around the house (but until I can drag myself back up, I'm not sure I'm giving him enough credit), Chance has also gotten a part time job (after turning down at least one job) at a local clothing store (WTG!). We got the curriculum stuff for D's home schooling, we are now just waiting on his computer.
I have been trying to upload to Flickr, but there really isn't enough hours in a day.
I hope things are going better on the reading end of this post than they are on the writing end.

Monday, November 19, 2007

Uploaded pictures to house, the Pirate Party, and the new Iguana...Monna (yes, the two rhyme). Dunno if it's a girl or a boy, but oh well.
We've definately bitten off a huge chunk with it, care-wise. Chance was supposed to get an easy-care animal for D, but was once again blinded by the light. Oh well, now we just gotta roll with it. If we take care of it it could live for up to 15 years!'s been pretty lonely. I don't mind the country, cause we're not far away from neighbors, but I just miss home.
Duncan called yesterday and I swear it took everything I had not to bust into tears just talking to him. I was so homesick for the rest of the night. I talked to Pokie too, cause I found the Vancouver/Calgary game on tv, and phoned to watch it with her.
I've gotta send out Christmas cards soon with our new address on it, and contact info. Gotta make em first though.
There's so much to do, that it's kind of difficult to organize a day around everything cause I haven't quite made a list yet.
Got some stamps today though, so D can send a letter to Santa and such. I dunno if they do that here, but if they don't we'll just send it north.
Trying to get the important stuff now, finding Dr.'s and what-not.
Thanksgiving is on Thursday...haven't really made any plans.
Uploading pictures, blogging, facebook-ing. Too much.

Thursday, November 15, 2007

Just finished taking D to a Pirate Party at the West Salem library. We were the fanciest Pirates (even got compliments) and had BUNCHES of fun. We needed that, that's for sure.
I'll post pictures later, after I've taken some of the house to post as well.

Backlog in Blogging

Ok, we have officially spent a week in the new house. As you can tell, cause I haven't been back to blog since going over.
We've been busier than snot, and I can honestly say that i'm sick of shopping. It's so much hassel to do even the tiniest errand when you live in the country cause we hafta drive 20+ minutes just to get to the nearest town with services. Anyhow, I'm sick of having shit to do outside the home. I want to get my daily routine settled in with the boys. A healthy way to do the day, where D gets his school-work done, I get some cleaning and errands done in the house, and Hunter naps.
It was funy, the night before we moved in, (I told myself I would blog this) Chance and I were checking everything over after dropping some stuff off. I was outside on the porch and Chance was inside. I heard a loud Thump, and when I went up to the door all I could see was Chance's feet and arms in the air like an upside down turtle. I laughed pretty hard, but he was hurt. He had jumped up to swing from the moulding above the door (it's a 107 year-old house) and it fell off with his weight, and he landed on his back on the floor.
Then, the other day he started a burn pile in the yard, and thought he had put it out, but the breezes of the day picked up the embers and started it again...effectively smoking out the entire neighborhood. Was pretty humerous, lookin back on it. At the time though we were both pretty irritated because we didn't have a hose that reaches that far. So, there we were, filling up jugs, and garbage cans, and anything else I could get my hands on with water from the tap, and Chance was carrying it outside all the way over to the fire and dumping it on it.
We've had a pretty good run in the new house I suppose, everything is set up, and clean, and comfortable.
We've had a lot of contact with the Realty Company in charge of the property, and seem to have something new to speak to them about each day.
Yesterday Hunter fell down the stairs (about 20 steep stairs) and hit the gate at the bottom of the stairs. I had taken him up with me to go and get more diapers from his room, and was bringing down laundry with me along with him and the diapers, and I dropped a sock that we both stooped over to get, and he went over. Was very scary, but he's otherwise ok. He has a rug-burn on his nose, and looks kind of like Rudolph. I felt terrible, as Chance isn't that great at handling Critical Situations involving his kids, and it took me most of the night to work my way through any feelings I had. I'm still pretty leery today, but will try and get past it.
I'm proud to say that all boxes that were brought with us have now been sorted through and everything has a home, except for my sewing stuff, which is ok, cause it's not being used just yet
In any event, we've got plans to have Thanksgiving and Christmas at our house, as it is fairly large.
Darius spent lastnight in his room all by himself for the whole night. Only two nightlights, an outside streetlight, and two flashlights later.
We had to talk to the realty ppl about installing a gate at the top of the stairs. Since the house is so old we're limited to what we're allowed to do when it comes to drilling holes into the walls and the like. Hopefully it won't be a problem.
I'm awful lonely these days. I'm enjoying listening to my music in the new house more, but find that not having anyone to talk to face-to-face is getting a bit difficult. I often wonder why (only when I'm feeling secluded and isolated) I'm so picky about my friends, but I know I can't trust just anyone with the thoughts in my head, only from experience.
We're supposed to have a playdate with D's classmates from the school (that he no longer attends) but as usual, I have not recieved any phone calls telling me ANYone is going to attend or not. It's so frustrating, and I hurt for D cause he doesn't know any better. Am wondering if I should even make any snacks for it. I probably will, but am going to try and keep it to things that I know I can either use right away, or store for later use.
I hope, at least, that we can meet the neighbors.
I've just started trying to get organized with D's school work, and trying to pick up where he left off with his class. I know I should just start all over again, but I can do that once we get everything from the Ohio Virtual Academy.
I'm impressed with them so far, and am hoping not to be disappointed.
Stress is a terrible thing, but I must say I'm trying my hardest to move through it, instead of wallowing in it.
I miss my family, I even miss Tia. I miss the smell of the mountain Pine, and the fresh smell of the lake. I miss the close quarters, and the all night-game-athons, and the super yummy home cooked food I miss having a dishwasher (I need rubber gloves cause my hands are actually cracking from doing the dishes too much), and I miss living 5 minutes away from everything I need. I'm homesick.
Why I couldn't justify anything to myself before I left, I'll never ask. I guess this is what I think I deserve somehow. I'd better just be quiet and make the best of it.

Thursday, November 08, 2007

Darius is sick today...*sighs*
Lastnight we got hardly any sleep because he was so stuffed up he kept saying he couldn't breathe. So, I was propping him, blowing his nose and so on. He's feverish today, and still all stuffed up.
I'm concerned that they don't wash their hands enough in school.
Anyhow, so D is at home from school today, and I'm catering to him. Watching movies, and sent Chance to the store to do a bit of shopping and to grab some medicine for him so he can at least sleep.

Yesterday was our 6th Anniversary. Kind of odd to think that I've spent so much time with one person. Chance bought me a new ring with a very pretty yellow stone in the middle.

We we're supposed to have someone over the our new house today to do some repairs this morning, but they called to tell us they would be later than they thought they would be. Our new house is nice, and the upstairs stays very well heated once we turn it on. But there's a horrible smell, almost like something died in the vents, or that there's a horrible septic leak someplace in the house that's causing the smell. There's also a moldy spot in the master closet. When we put the first payments on it, we had to sign a notice about Lead Paint, and of course we discovered some pain peeling in a closet. I'm hoping it'll be fixed so neither of the boys get the idea to eat the chips and get Lead Poisoning.

So, this is the weekend we officially move in. We go grocery shopping and move the beds and couches and dinig set into the house, then we should be all settled.

Hopefully someone from D's class make it out to the playdate that I've arranged, though from my experience I don't hold out much hope. Usually when I plan things they never turn out and no one comes.

I wonder what I can get accomplished today...

Wednesday, November 07, 2007

I posted new pictures on Flickr

Serious Undertaking

Yes, I could be doing the most serious thing I've ever done...
I'm going to undertake my son's education, and begin Home Schooling him.
I'd like to say that I've always been an out of the box thinker when it comes to my parenting styles, and ideas. Unconventional pretty much sums it up for me. Or, so I'd like to think.
yes, I have two sons, but you'd better believe I encourage both masculine and femenine traits for both boys.
I like the fact that the kitchen sink is also a bath-tub, or a play pool for the boys. I like that they can get nekked and paint as much as they want. I like that they use everyday objects (like a spatula or a toothbrush) as toysI don't mind my son wearing Care Bear socks, or that his favorite colour for an entire year (quite a feat of time for a little one) was purple. I don't mind that he thinks he has pretty girl eyelashes, or that he has a wonderful flare for fashion (at least when it comes to picking out mommy's clothes for her) I love that he's so in touch with his feelings that he'll tell you specifically what you did to hurt his feelings, and the extent of that hurt. I love his flare for the dramatic, and his wonderful sense of humor. His imagination and vocabulary are amazingly deep for a 5 year old.
All of these traits I chalk up to my unconventional ways of bringing him up.
I'm unconventional because while I was raising him i wasn't interested in "How-To" manuals for children, I was interested in "Have Fun AND Teach" manuals, and even the occasional insight from a website or two. I listened to other parent's strategies, and read their strategies.
My point in all of that is I didn't just use one word as law, I used many.
Now, I'm not certain I'm ready to be responsible for the brain in my child, but honestly...what is it that I think I've been doing up until now?
At least this way I can teach my child the morals and values that I hold near and dear without worrying about him falling behind the other children, or going to fast for the other children. I can do my Volunteer work with him, and teach him just how wonderful it is to give without expectations. I can show him that it's ok to give his heart to the world, even if he doesn't get it back.
I want his capacity for that wonderous feeling to be a heckuva lot deeper than mine.
So, Friday is his last day at the school, and though I have yet to make my meeting with the Super, I may just give serious thought to writing a few letters, and letting it rest because putting my effort into him means more to me than telling them to "GO FUCK THEMSELVES" in twenty different ways wouldn't really do much good (though I'm certain it would be very satisfying).
Damn...I'm starting to sound like an adult.

Monday, November 05, 2007

Uphill Battle

I'm so angry, and fuming, and enraged, and outraged. I'm humiliated, and belittled and upset for Darius. If he were older and could understand, this is what he'd be feeling, but because I'm a parent, I shield him from this.
The school called today to let us know they were denying Darius his enrollment in their school. After questioning from this end to their office person, she said we'd need to go to the Super Intendant. Since Don works there he inquired as to why they were denying it (because he says in his 11 years of working there he's never heard of it happening), and the Super said that it was due to "behavioural issues".
So, guess what I get to do?
I get to make an appointment for a meeting between the Superintendant, the school's Principal, and D's teacher Mr. Curtis.
According to their "Open Enrollment" Codes, they can only deny a child enrollment due to "behavioural issues" if they have been suspended from a previous school, or are known to be extremely disruptive to the classroom.
Darius had been in his classroom for 9 days total when they denied him, which was on Friday (that's when his teacher knew in any event) and they only just now got around to telling us (which would make it 11). How fucking fair is that? A five year old is supposed to adjust to a new Country, State, School (with at least TWICE the classmates than his previous school), and Expectations that go with that in NINE DAYS.
I'm not impressed. At first I felt like crying, because it's just unfair for anyone to have those kind of expectations of a five year old.
I'm pissed that this is just another battle in the long list I've had in my entire life. I'm angry because now they're dragging MY CHILD into this.
How dare they, what right do they have??
Fuck them is what I say.
I'm going to give them a fight, and I won't be quiet about it either. Then, when I'm finished, I'm putting him into Home Schooling because those fucking bastards don't deserve to be IN my son's presence.
That's how I feel right now anyways, we shall see.

Friday, November 02, 2007


Well well.
We started moving stuff in late Halloween Night. Got boxes and stuff loaded up from what we took accross the country into the new house on the first, and today we're supposed to get most of the big furniture from here over to there. I don't plan on sleeping there just yet though, mainly because I'd still like to clean it properly seein as they didn't do it (even though they assured us they would in the 2 weeks that they had before we took possession). It's full of old wood (the antique kind) that needs some special polishing and attention as it definately looks as if it hasn't gotten any in a long time. The walls need to be washed, and the shelving surfaces need to be done again, as well as all of the outlets. About the only thing they DID do, was wash the windows (but not their frames which are all dusty and yuck) and cleaned the light fixtures. Lazy bastards, is all I can think.
Lastnight we were sorting out which box went where, and I'm really cursing our "pare down" because random shit ends up in a box with one room's stuff and I hafta march it to it's home, wasting time. I should juts make a pil, but oh well.
I kept wonderin why Hunter had so little stuff going into his room, then it occurred to me that he's never had his own room before. So, now I get to seperate the toys of D's, and put into Hunter's room anything that he can't eat.
Anywho...tonight is the West Salem Trick-or-Treat, which we'll be taking the boys to. Hopefully it'll g smoothly.
Today D had "Career Day" at school. We tried to dress him like an Archeologist, but who knows how it turned out. I'll admit it, we left it until the last minute.
He's been complaining about some classmtes, and I'm beginning to wonder about this new school. Still have yet to phone them about the busses, but I'll do that once we plan on sleeping at the new house. Then I hsould be able to do the same thing, meet him at the school and show him where to go.
I can still count on one hand how many times I've driven the truck (and that's only cause I volunteer at the school now, that it's gone up). Sad.
There's a slight bonus least they make Pepsi the same down here.

Tuesday, October 30, 2007

We're Trying...Honest

I just really wonder how it's possible for anyone to get anything accomplished. Job & Family Services (Canadian Equivalent is Welfare) was brisk and rude to begin with, and demand to know what MY income was in Canada, even though Chance can't claim me, and I couldn't claim him there. It's retarded.
Went to go to WIC (Women, Infants, Children) and they were closed for lunch. Went to the community Health Place where they do immunizations to see about D's, and they were rather wary when I entered just to ask when I can get his done.
Everywhere I go for services seems to be filled with butt-head people who just don't seem to enjoy their jobs. Including the school, the secretaries still haven't warmed up to me at all, even though I've volunteered once last week and twice this week. Not a smile, peep, or hello out of any of them.
I wonder just how hard I'm going to have to work to get in on everyone's good side here and actually become a part of the community.
D wasn't feeling well lastnight, and Hunter doesn't seem to be feeling well today.
I volunteered at the school to help the kids do their computer work, and it's working it's own kinks out, which is nice.
Had a discussion with the teacher about D's behavioural issues in school. He seems to have problems keeping his hands (and other such things) to himself, and keeping himself on task.
I just basically told him that he's trying to get adjusted to his new surroundings.
I figure once he gets used to his new classmates he should settle down. In his old school he already knew all of his classmates, so he didn't need to poke and heckle to show off. That's not the case here. I'm hoping that once we get moved in and such that we'll be able to hold regular playdates with his classmates to help him get to know them better. I'd really like to holD a party as well.
I'm watching the Golden Child, it's's been a while since I've watched it.
Found a nice little Thrift Store in Ashland as well. :o)
Anyhow, on with the day.

Monday, October 29, 2007

I have gained at least 5 pounds since being here...I'm turning into an eating machine. So much for escaping depression. I've turned myself into a piglet. It's silly and I hope to be rid of that silly habit once we end up in our new house.
Went and got some essentials today, which really only leaves some glasses and pots and pans that I need to worry about for the time being.
Hopefully I'll have everything else that I'm thinking I have in boxes, I'm just not sure anymore.
Hafta get D signed up for school bussing.
Went to the local thrift store here today and got a few things. I'm kind of disappointed that the second hand stores around here aren't as nice as ours back home.
I've got a bunch of stuff lined up for where to volunteer and participate and such, hopefully I can continue to do that once we get our own place...who knows how long it'll last.
I'm worried about what's going to happen once Chance gets a job...then it's pretty much going to leave me without a vehicle, unless I drive him to work (which I'm assuming wouldn't be as gas-saving as it was in BC) and pick him up as well.
I'm sad, and I'm getting fat again, and I guess I'm just unsatisfied. I hate being right, but that is what I am. I knew what was going to happen once we got here and I really should have gone with my better judgement and said no, and stayed in BC until Chance got himself all lined up. Every plan he's made has fallen through, even the bit about me working.
I guess a few phone calls could've sorted that out though. I'm stupid.
Who knows when I'll be able to start working. It's based right now, on when the government gets back to the immigration attourney that they've hired. God only knows.
If I could work right now I would've weaned and gotten to it...but it's easier said than done.
I hate being shut out, and I hate being turned into the thing I see in the mirror.

Saturday, October 27, 2007

So, today I finished off both boys' costumes, and we were on our way to a local craft store that was doing in-store trick-or-treating for the kids. We got them dressed up, and headed in, while oohhhing and ahhing at the rest of the costumes we passed by. They had little bags for the boys to decorate with stickers, and then they could go and trick-or-treat in the store. They were so cute...I love D with his helpfulness with Hunter, and Hunter was THE cutest #2 Pencil in the entire world.
Trick-or-Treating isn't until Nov. 2nd from 6-7:30 here. I know, it's odd they don't do it on the actualy day of Halloween...I don't get why not, and no one I know seems to know either. Lame. At least they'll get to go here in the local town.
Uploaded the pictures to Flickr.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Strike it off

I've uploaded pics to Flickr from my trip accross the country and so on.
I can take that off of my to do list!
I finished off D's Ninja costume today (yes, even though I bought him a costume, I could not, in good conscience send him off in it). I also cut out H's Pencil costume, and got it all ready to go. I should be able to finish it off either late this evening or early tommorow...cause I also hafta start the Orange-o-Lantern's for D's school for Friday. Hopefully that'll go well.
Oh boy, it's so busy.

Yuck. We all went to bed early lastnight, like about 6:30. We all slept, but I recall Chance crawling out of bed round 10:30, and I didn't get up until midnight. When I got up, I came out with Hunter adn tried to watch Chance play video games for a bit, but realized that the game perspective was making me sick. I ended up almost barfing anywhere's, but managed just to suffer through stuff and falling asleep. When I woke up this morning it wasn't too bad, so I ate a big breakfast and got on with the morning getting the brood ready for the day. After Chance drove D to school I slowly went downhill, I felt yucky naseaus, and friggin freezing. I spent the morning curled under a blanket, and drinking broth from a up. I had some soup for lunch, which went down not too bad. Afterwards I felt much warmer, but not much I fed H his lunch them put him down for a nap. We slept for 2 and a half hours. Afterwards I felt much much better but I find the naseau is trying to come back again. How odd that I feel so yucky without any real symptoms of sickness.
I made D a ninja costume yesterday, and am trying to make a list of Halloween activities and events to go to, because they don't do trick or treating on Halloween here (which is retarded to say the least) and I have no clue when the local towns are doing theirs. So, hopefully everything we do will be enough to go in place of trick-or-treating.
Today I cut out H's Pencil costume, and should be able to put it together this evening.
I feel yucky.
D apparently got into trouble at school today for cutting his hair, and that of a classmates. Had to give a stern talking to about behaviour and such. Never a dull moment.

Monday, October 22, 2007

Birthdays and Weekends

D has started school today, and he has a class size of 21 with a male teacher (who also happens to be the football coach). He seems nice, but I think the classroom size itself is a little small. He was happy to be going back to school, so that's a plus at least.
I'm sad to say that I bought him a skeleton costume as well as a trick or treat bag from Wal Mart sucks, and it's cheap, and I'm disappointed. 'm still going to see what I can whip up before the end of the week (D's school party). I'm planning on making Hunter into a Pencil, and still making D his Ninja outfit (cause they don't trick or treat on the actual 31st here he could still wear both if he wanted to).
My birthday came and went with some rough patches, but still fairly pleasant. We went out for pizza, and I got a matching necklace and ear-rings set, plus a $200 gift for a Spa close by. I won't be able to collect on it right away, but that's ok because it still gives me time to figure out which services I'd like to collect on. The boys made me a nice spice cake with some wonderful decorations (and as luck would have it the school required a couple of frosting cans for supplies).
Hunter has adjusted quite nicely here, and has turned Don into his new Kimmie. Don lifts him to the fans, and lets him play on the computer with him, as well as walking him around the house.
I'm glad he's adapted so well, but it's still real disappointing to see my children move on so well while I get left behind.
We're supposed to get our place this Friday (if all goes well). They chraging us First month, Last month, plus a deposit to move in, and even when that's done, rent is due on the First again. Thank goodness rent is only 580 or we'd never be able to move in. We've paid at least one month ourselves, but still need to pay the other stuff, so, MONEY SUCKER!
We'll be pretty much set for furniture (at least the stuff we'll need right away) but don't have any kitchen ware of any sort. So, I'm hoping to hit thrift stores to afford that stuff right away. Later on down the road we should be able to afford brand new stuff, but not right now.
I'm looking foreward to being a parent helper with the school, the teacher looked quite overwhelmed (I think he must be new to teaching), but very grateful when I offered to do some class stuff for him as he's only got one parent volunteering in the classroom right now.
It occurred to me that I should take some courses in Teaching, but the only reason why I volunteer so much is because the boys will be in school and I want them to remember me as always being there to help.
In any event, it was a decent weekend, and things have settled down somewhat to a much more bearable level.
I'm 26 now...scary. I never was able to picture myself as an adult...I wonder if this is how everyone looks at themselves?

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

I'm tired, Ikeep finding more and more often these days.
It's difficult not to lose my temper with my husband. I wish that I could beat him over the head sometimes because he's so block-headed I know it wouldn't do much good ( but it'd sure help my mood improve).
I can see old habits resurfacing, and though I am loath to bring them about in conversations I find myself pointing them out again and again...just as I said it would be.
I hate it when I'm right.
I'm crossing my fingers in the hopes that things will go more smoothly in the future.
We went to the school today to register D for Kindergarten (the one that Don works at of course) only to find their class size limit is 22, and because hey can't turn anyone in their county away, they're already over that limit by 2, not including D. Needless to say I have a serious problem with this. Call me spoiled but I just don't think it's beneficial for my son to get tossed in with 23 other kids, and only one teacher (plus 1 teacher's Aide) and expect him to come out learning something from it. I've seen what happens when he doesn't get a whole lot of attention when he's trying to learn something, and it's never had a good outcome. (gymnastics, swimming)
I'm not saying that they aren't capable of teaching or handling my son, but I'm just not comfortable with that kind of ratio.
I managed a bit of thrift shopping today and found a couple of shirts, but nothing more of interest.
I'm frustrated, seems like I'll not have a shortcoming of that emotion for a while now. As has been so conveniently pointed out a few times "I have no control" over anything.
I've signed my life over, and now I just hafta suck up the goddamned consequences.
I hate myself.

Monday, October 15, 2007

I've officially been here in Ohio for one week now. Kinda sad.
Everyone keeps asking me if I like it here, and if I ever plan on going back home. Duh. It's tough not to answer that sarcastically, and though I try to avoid sounding bitter I doubt I'm coming off much better.
I've been trying to organize what's in the room, so everything that we need is within reach, and still have the place look relatively tidy.
We haven't done anything overly important, but we've still been really busy. We've gona visiting, and shopping, and yesterday we had a BBQ here at the house.
Went to a local pumpkin patch on Saturday to pick out some pumpkins, and walked away with 7! (at 1.50 each) At that rate I'd love to go back and get more to make pumpkin statues or something. We shall see though. They had hayrides available, as well as a petting/feding area (about 6 animals), face painting, a playground (advertisement for the Amish who make them), a concession or three, a straw maze, and a couple of sheds (more advertising) that had ppl selling stuff in them. Was fun for a couple of hours with the family.
I'm almost beginning to get cabin fever, but not quite. It's more that I have yet to leave the house un-escorted. I know it's not intentional, but it feels like it is.
Course, I could be hormonal too.
Lastnight was the first night I was up late instead of Chance. I was doing laundry and figured I hsould stay up until it was finished, so I watched a couple of movies while I waited. By then middle of the second movie though the house reeked like septic. It was yucky, and I almost couldn't sleep. I was very tempted to crack a window, but I didn't. When i woke up the smell was gone, so Don fixed the problem while I slept, which was nice.
We're sposed to go do more shopping today, am hoping to get some pants for the kids (I sorted through b4 we left and now I can't find pants for either boy) and maybe a new winter coat (I'm tired of mine after only 4 years) or a new pair of shoes.
I dunno what the day will bring, but hopefully some good news.
I so hope we're in our own place for Halloween so I can decorate as much as D wants to, and so he's not so confused about where his home is.
They don't do trick-or-treating on the same day as Halloween here, which i think is stupid, so we'll hafta figure out when the nearest towns are doing their so I know when to have D's costume made by. He still wants to be a skeleton.
We had a full bed lastnight, the four of us, plus one big black cat.
I visited my friend Jill, and though I had a nice time while I was there, I can really see myself spending a whole lot of time with her in the future. She just holds a whole different set of beliefs that she runs by than I do, and I find it very difficult not to pass judgement on her.
I guess i hsould continue with my day, I need to do some schoolwork with D, and take a shower.
I'll post the pictures I have from everything so far sometime...not sure when.

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Long Drive

So we left on Friday morning, after a bit of a fiasco with the hook-up (re hook-up I should say) of the UHaul. We went out on Hwy 33, down to Rock Creek and then a little dinky one gaurd border crossing. The guy seemed to think he was like god, for an old guy.
We stopped somewhere's in Washington and went to a Wal Mart to pick up some snacks, and a couple of "road toys" for the boys. We stayed in Missoula Montana the first night at this real expensive Hotel with shitty service and an indoor waterslide. Proceeded to drive through snow and junk to the other end of Montana, then spent the night in the north of South Dakota where we just basically slept and drove. We then continued to drive straight through from there to Here...
I hat Chicago. We got minorly lost in Chicago, and had a bitch of a time getting through it cause of all of the tolls, and stinkin construction.
I'm still real tired, as things haven't slowed down at all since we've gotten here.
Went shopping yesterday for the foods we prefer and toiletries and such and also squeezed (and I mean squeezed) a visit in with Mike.
Today we went to visit Grandpa Klusty, and Josh & Acettee.
I'm stinkin tired, and have given a time limit for bullshit of a week, then i refuse to put up with it anymore. I suppose we'll be here for a couple of weeks by the sounds of it.
We'll get the keys to the place, but I took a peek at it today on our way by and it's in bad who knows how much cleaning I'll need to do inside before it's habitable.
I told Chance I expect a birthday cake from the boys that's home-made...sprinkles, funky icing...the whole bit.
I have only just now talked to Jill on the telephone this evening, and am hoping to head to her house tommorow night for a couple of nights, to take a break from the chaos of having too much to do.
I'm feeling rather annoyed at the world today...

Thursday, October 04, 2007

Busy Busy Busy

So yesterday we went and got the trailer, shopped for the minor things we needed for the trip and such.
Went to Parenting Group with D, and had fun :o)
Today it's just a matter of sorting out what's mom's and ours, and putting the clothing boxes in the trailer.
Today I've been trying to keep the house in relative order, who knows if it's working or not though.
Packing clothes, doing dishes, laundry...yadah yadah.
I'm hoping to go to Baby Group, maybe not stay for the whole thing, but at least to drop off the books I borrowed from them. I also wanted to go to Blockbuster to rent a movie or two for the trip (just planning on mailing them back if I can't return them to a store in the states) and also planning on doing a big trip to the Salvation Army after we get the truck back (it's in the shop getting front end work done) and dropping off a bunch of furniture, clothes, and toys and such.
Hopefully today won't have any fiasco.
If I were a person who believed in signs...

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Oh My God...

Today was just raining shit on us.

The power went off about quarter after 11 this morning, while Hunter and I were in the shower. He kept looking at the lights expecting them to come on, but since they had already been flickering all morning, I figured they wouldn't come back on sooner or later.

Sure enough, the flicked off and refused to pop back on. Then along with that something was wrong with phone line. So, the phones weren't working, I didn't have a regular working radio (battery operated), and no phone service. nevermind the fact that I had no stroller and it was raining.

I was stranded.

So, after getting us dressed in the dark from the shower, I brought us out to the living room (brightest spot) and waited. I decided that if noone came to rescue me by noon, that I was taking Kimmie's van and going down to the school.

5 minutes to noon mom walked in, and asked how we were doing...and informed us that the power was out down at her office as well. Joy.

So, we loaded ourselves up in the car, and headed to the school to checkon D. Once we got there chaos had hit them in a bad way, as they had decided to ship all the children home (all 39 of them :oD ) and were all frantically trying to phone parents and emergency contacts on their cell phones as their phone service was out as well.

So, I got my cheque from them (unfortunately they didn't have enough cash) and headed into Kelowna where there was power.

Listening to the radio they said that the power was out clear down to parts of Summerland, and that it wasn't expected to come back on until 6pm.

We did a few things in town before deciding both boys needed a nap and headed home, where sure enough, both boys fell asleep in the extended trip home. They had flaggers and police-men outside at intersections to prevent traffic from backing up as bad as it did at first, which made it go quicker.

Got home to find Chance home, and then fiasco's began with the truck, trailer, and various cash incomes. Suffice to say we were screwed over on all three accounts.

In any event, if we can get everything to go our way tommorow we may be able to leave by Friday.

Frustrating to say the least.

in any event, I napped with Hunter, and I feel a million times better now, even though it did take them an extra 45 minutes to turn the power back on.

Monday, October 01, 2007

Ok...I feel better now.
I guess mebbe I just needed to get that off my chest to move on with my night.

I'm so annoyed.
I realize Chance is giddy from excitment that he's finally winning, but if he's gonna go through with this he's supposed to make sure everything is done, not tick off.
Once again he's out saying good-bye to his countless friends (and yes this sounds bitter for a reason) when there's things to do here.
I find it really annoying, that I've only gona out once for a good-bye session, and that's all I get.
I admit, I could've gotten more, but I know darned well that if I were to go and say good-bye to anyone they're ALL going to tell me what an idiot I am (though I agree) for making this move. The last thing I want is to know just what I stupid decision I'm making for the sake of easiness.
I don't want to move, but the only other choice is seperation, and even if we were to seperate I know darned well Chance would not want to be overly far from his kids, which would ensue a visitation rights battle, an angry someone pointing fingers at me cause I threw a wrench in all his perfect plans.
I'm taking the easy way, I admit it. I feel defeated because I just don't have the energy to fight anything back, no energy to see myself as really worth sticking up for. I feel poisoned because I know once I get down there I'm going to have to put forth an "honest effort" (even though he never did me that glory) to "try" and make it work, even though it's never really worked from the beginning. I have to give everything just so I can turn and walk away...and feel justified in doing so.
I hate myself for moving, I despise the person I see in the mirror because she's weak, and stupid and taking the easy way. I despise the person in the mirror because despite all better judgement I'm just saying ok, you take my life if you want it.
I'm tired, I'm exhausted...and the only thing I have to look foreward to is holding a new baby girl when she gets here.
I'm taking my sons away from culture, from the beauty of the mountains, from everything I love about my life...for what? For the word that someday life will get better.
Suck it up, and move on so other people can enjoy what I've created.
I'll get hand-me downs, and no choices in which colour is which, and the kids will go to whatever school is convenient, and they'll learn that money is everything if they ever want to be ANYthing.
I feel like I'm nothing...I feel little and worthless, and useless. I feel like even if I stayed it would be the same. I'd feel out of place, and afraid and alone. I'd feel just as lost as I feel now, because whatever was there of myself got sucked up when I found out my best friend wasn't really my best friend, and neither was my husband.
I feel empty and hollow because I'm too afraid to look inside and face myself. I want to be sucked into this hole of emptiness because it's easier.
I'm taking the easy way, and that's the bottom line.

Sunday, September 30, 2007

I forgot to mention...
I saw Tia go cross eyed last night!

Took the day off yesterday for some Target Practice with Art & Gary. Took the family and loaded them up for a nice drive in the hills. H was out within 20 minutes of us getting on the back roads.
I took some pictures and posted them on Flickr.
I shot a can off a log first with some fancy gun that kicked back, which surprised me. I don't know much about guns, really. I don't usually even like handling them, but I felt like doing something different yesterday, so I did.
I still have 5 costumes left to make. I'm wondering if they'll do for them because when I took them in on Friday they asked if they would fit adults too, which they won't. I'm wondering how I'll manage, but I always do in the end. :o)
Friday we went to the school because it was Terry Fox Day where they had their annual Terry Fox Run with the school. Cause it was such a yucky day out (rainy and windy) they decided to hold it indoors in the gym. They organized it quite nicely. The kids all had Popsicle sticks with their names on it, and they had to run around the perimeter of the gym and each time they made one lap they had someone make a line on their stick. 30 laps is 1 mile, and D made a whopping 19 laps! That's half a mile! I was very impressed, and proud of him.
Chance took the role as participator and ran with the kids who asked to race him, and I was cheering everyone on, as well as taking pictures and handing them water when they needed it.
It was days like that that make me proud to be a Canadian. All the kids did wonderful jobs, and some of the older ones even filled both sides of their sticks all the way. It's amazing that they don't even comprehend the full impact of their support. It's amazing that they just do, without thinking of why.
In any event, I took 95 pictures and will be forwarding them to the school, as well as posting them to Flickr too.
We leave for Ohio on Wednesday...and though I'm really disappointed to be leaving home, I know that I can return whenever I want if it doesn't work out.
I'm hoping Jill can hold off on having her baby until I arrive, cause it'd be great to go to the delivery room with her. If not, at least I'll see her daughter while she's still new.
Anyhow, just uploading pictures, then I'm going backto making costumes...I'll get pictures on Tuesday when I turn them all in, and I'll have kids modelling them, hopefully.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Posted a few pictures to Flickr.
I've been a sewing machine this week. So far though, I've only gotten 4 costumes done. I cut out 4 more last night though, and am planning on finishing them today. It's all basic structures, so they're they're not too difficult. I've got about 4 left after these ones and I'm done, but they're the most difficult because I have to create patterns for them from scratch.
It'll be interesting, I'll post pix of them when I get an opportunity.

Monday, September 24, 2007

Well, the weekend was kinda slow for me.
Went to Gramma's, and the boys went hunting, so Hunter and I stayed at the house. I didn't really do much, just watched movies and puttered around.
After we got back lastnight I cut out a couple of costumes, but realized I lost my list so I'll need to phone them today to get them to re-read it to me.
Gonne be a sewing machine this week.

Thursday, September 20, 2007


Oh my god.
So, thir morning I spent sewing the Eagle costume, and got as far as finishing the body tunic, before it was time for Baby Group. I knew that the Parent Teacher Interviews were today, and that the kids were being dismissed early from school, so I phoned the school and requested that Darius be dropped off at the Daycare as the bus usually runs there anyways. They agreed and said that that was fine, so I went on my way to Baby Group expecting Darius to arrive just before 1pm.
1pm rolled around and he wasn't there, and I was waiting for the phone line at the daycare to open up so I could phone the school and ask what was going on, when they phoned the daycare looking for me.
The secretary at the school said the bus driver arrived back at the school telling her that Darius had gotten off the bus at his regular stopped, and that another parent had said she'd take him home.
Panic had set in me at this point as I didn't know the parent's name or her address (she was an aunt of two kids D attended class with) so I hopped in the car and raced home, having a panic attack on the way wondering what has happened to my son.
I phoned mom, frantic with worry, and she said she'd meet me at home.
When I arrived home, there was a note on the door from Karen (Matt's wife from next door) that said she had Darius at her house. I raced over, and poured in the door, almost a sobbing mess. I hugged him tight for about 5 minutes with Karen offering me kleenex on the side.
She said once Darius realized that there was nobody home, he went next door to their house to see if they knew where I was.
I'm so relieved and amazed that my son knew what to do in the situation that he was presented with, and grateful that my neighbors were available to help as well.
He told Nana after she got there that if they weren't home he would've simply kept trying the neighbors houses until he found one that would keep him until I arrived.
I'm angry at the school, and at the bus driver, but mostly with myself for being lazy (I hadn't wanted to leave Baby Group early to pick up D, but wanted to stay for conveniences' sake).
The Parent Teacher Interview went well, and any and all questions I had for the teacher were answered, but tomorrow I'll need to go and have a word with the Secretary and the Bus Driver if possible.
I know I won't be foolish enough to arrange anything else in the future.
What puzzles me is that you need a written consent form for ANYone to pick up your child from the bus stops, and I'm wondering how in the hell the Lady was able to walk off with my son without authorization.
I'll be spending this evening figuring out what I want to say without being overly abrasive.

It's pouring out today.
Woke up this morning thinking it sure is coming down, then passed it off to myself as I lie in bed waking up, as the fan in our room.
The past two mornings I've ended up with both boys in bed with me.
I've almost got the morning routine down pat.
Got Parent Teacher interviews at the school today and tomorrow so D gets out of school early. I'm hoping to get in for one today, but we shall see how it goes.
Went to Parenting Group last night, which was pleasant and enjoyable, as always.
It's amazing to me that I started doing things with the Band run programs in February and I'm just now starting to feel as if I really belong with everyone, and can relate fairly well to them, and never-mind that, but I've found nothing that deters me from wanting to spend time with them all.
That sense that I'm an outsider is no longer there, and I'm on a first name basis with most everyone I come across with the band.
So, by the time I got to the dentists yesterday Hunter's "Eruption Hematoma" had broken, and was no longer there. The dentist did say he was cutting about 5 or 6 teeth though. He recommended Children's Motrin as opposed to Tylenol.
I guess I need to hit the store at some point today.
I really need to start the costumes I have out. I'm nervous about making them because I know they're for the school, and will eventually end up in a play, in front of lots of people. I keep thinking I need to make them overly-well.
We turned the furnace on for the first time this season today.
I need to fold and put away my laundry, cause it's all over the place.
Have Baby Group today, am hoping to go after I pick up D from school. We shall see what becomes of the day.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

I'm hoping to get some costumes thrown together now that D is in school full time.
D is complaining that he doesn't like going all day, cause he says he misses me.
Taking Hunter to the dentist tomorrow to have them check out what someone called a "eruption hematoma" just to make sure that that is what it is.
Made a mess of the clean house mom had today. She stayed home from work today and had it nice and tidy, then I pulled out all the fabric boxes and we sorted them, and made a big stinkin mess. hehehe.
I'm disappointed in myself.
Phoned poison control today cause was afraid Hunter had swallowed a bunch of diaper rash cream, but isn't the case.
Went to a diabetes support group tonight, which was informative.
Am hoping to get some stuff cut out tonight to start sewing this week.
Chance is talking about going to Gramma's this weekend.
Wonder what we can do...

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Just Right

You know, it didn't take me long once I started, but I finished Harry Potter in just about 28 hours.
Spent my weekend doing just what I wanted to do, which was relax, and take a mental breather.
Darius starts full days at Kindergarten this week.
I'm still sick, but it's just a congestion thing now, which is nice.
Hunter has a big black mass in his mouth on his gum, and the Dr. said it was just from him teething, which I think is a load of shit. If I can, tomorrow I'm gonna take him back in to our Dr.
Woke up to a mainly clean house (though some stuff was just shoved to the side, and shifted, it was clean) which was nice. Two days in a row of sleeping in, amazing.
It's really just a way to avoid everything that's going on, that's going to happen.
I arranged counseling services for us, in the hopes of figuring something out, and after our individual sessions, the counselor had an emergency come up and had to cancel, and isn't in this week. Which puts me in a jam. That leaves me on my own again, to explain to the brick wall what I'm thinking and feeling, only to have it bounced off of.
There's never any leeway, never any compromise, just one or the other.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Yesterday was a terribly long day. I spent the morning reading, and waiting for Hunter to wake up. I got myself ready, and went to my counseling appointment, and had what I felt to be, a very good session. Afternoon was ok I spose, I spent some time with D playing Zelda, and reading. Then I got him on the computer to watch a movie while I did the dishes and got dinner going.
That was it for my productivity, cause it sure wiped me out. I ate, and then just felt terrible for the rest of the night. Most likely because the drugs I had taken in the morning to get me through had worn off. So, I raged through a cold spell, and that lasted for the majority of the evening. Afterwards as I got ready for bed I drugged myself up, yet again, and it turned itself into a hot spell.
It's funny when one gets sick, they wonder how come the world doesn't stop with them. I wanted the doctors to come rushing, and an ambulance to see me, and everyone moping and moaning next to my bed. Hehehe, which they pretty much were, I'm glad it wasn't just me on my own, cause it would've sucked otherwise. :o)
I pigged out on fruit, and tea with honey, and hot water. Felt like I peed every 20 minutes.
Yesterday whatever I had was making my jaw and ears hurt, today it's my throat...but my ears are still crackling. I can feel all the junk that went down my throat during the night trying to be coughed out. Yuck.
I don't care for being sick, so hopefully this is the worst of the school-sicknesses.
We got a letter home from the school saying they'd found a case of Chicken Pox already! Scary.
I don't believe I've had a Dr. diagnose chicken pox, I'd hafta read back through my blogs. We've had D come up with several things that look like it, but I can't remember clearly.
Anyhow, I'm gonna go curl up with my book, am reading my way through The Half Blood Prince in preparation of The Deathly Hallows.
I don't feel as tired as I did yesterday, which is nice, I can definitely do without the exhaustion part. Being sick sucks.

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Oh My.
Dude...I paid 45 dollars for my latest prescription for anti-depressants. Seriously, that's an outrageous price.
I'm sick, and all I feel like eating is fruit.
Had the chriopractors appointment today, which was nice. Got the full treatment, lower, middle, and upper back plus my neck.
Went to baby group, came home and had a nap.
Was feeling crappy this morning, but it was worsened by my nap with Hunter this afternoon and now I feel terrible.
Made an appointment with a counselor for tomorrow for myself, Chance's is on Thursday, and Friday is a couple's session. Hopefully some conflicts will be resolved that we haven't been able to do on our own.
I feel saturated in negativity.
Lastnight while in bed I felt something move down my arm (beneath the skin) and stop midway between my elbow and wrist. I lost circulation to my hand (kept going tingly), and when I got up cause it was bothering me, I looked at it and it was a bluey-greeny-greyish colour, much different from my other arm, and you could see my hand was kinda puffy. I panicked thinking it had something to do with my medication, but after research found it wasn't a side effect. Later on, I eventually felt it move up past my shoulder and go away completely, but it was still kinda freaky.
Am gonna hafta set aside some time to make another visit to the Dr.'s and find out what on earth that was all about. Even if it was something major, I shouldn't be able to feel it, right??

Monday, September 10, 2007

Another Monday, underway.
Went to the school today to discuss Friday afternoon's incident on the bus. Darius was telling us how his day went and who he was playing with and such. He mentioned after gentle inquiry that he had been playing with a boy, and had attempted to pull his pants down (I'm assuming because he wanted to embarrass him because we do that at home), and that he had also been "licking tongues" with the other boy. It kinda bothered me, and after thinking about it for a while, went back and questioned him further. I found out that D was the instigator and that the other boy didn't stop him from "licking tongues", but that they both thought it was really funny.
So, my main concerns were that if an adult did this, would they stop an adult? A bit concerning is that neither thought it was inappropriate.
It doesn't bother me that they did it, I understand they were exploring, and they were just being kids. It makes me proud that he's much more affectionate than most other kids I see, and I hope that doesn't stop. On the other hand I don't want him to be that affectionate with just anyone, because that could leave the door open for the wrong people to take advantage.
In any event, I spoke with the teacher, and she said she'd be happy to incorporate "body awareness" (in terms of how far affection should go) at the end of the month with the kids to tie into the rest of that week's curriculum of "How My Body Works" stuff.
I feel better, and am glad the teacher is so approachable with issues like this. It's a very positive thing when you don't have to dread bringing up issues with those who spend the day with your child.

Sunday, September 09, 2007

I meant Haha because they spooked Chance when they came in because he happened to be chasing D round and he didn't here them come in until they were all the way in.
Anyhow, today I cleaned the cars out...I vacuumed, and emptied out garbage, and re-arranged and the like. Was nice.
This week I'll be without as vehicle and mom as well. Chance'll be taking my car to work with Art, and mom's insurance is out until Friday. SO, I won't be going to baby group, but I will be going to the chiropractor on Tuesday, which i guess it ok. Friday as well we'll be making banana bread with the baby group people, just don't know where yet, and when I do find out where then I'll be able to arrange for a ride with someone else.
Anyhow, we're getting used to this new school schedule, I get up round 6:30, get showered and make D's breakfast, then wake up D and get him ready for the day. After we brush his teeth and wash his face, we head out the door for the school bus.
Hunter's been napping just before big brother gets home, but this week since I'll be on my own with them, he'll hafta wait until big brother gets home.
Thing's will work better once big brother is away all day as well. This Friday is their first Pro D day, and the boys will be joining me for banana bread I spose.
Nothing major planned for this week yet, but we'll see once it gets underway.

Was making popcorn after a nice evening walk to Petro with the boys, and I happened to look over my shoulder and there's mom and Kim!
I thought they weren't due until Sunday, but they decided to pop in last night.
So, the flurry to follow Hunter was real excited about Grandpa, and the cooler he had brought in with him.
Amazingly, both boys were out before midnight.

Saturday, September 08, 2007

It didn't occur to me until just now how that last sentence sounded on my previous post...that wasn't a slur against suicide, I was actually talking about divorce.

I so hate myself right now.
I swear to god I'm inches away from committing myself.
Either that or finding that cash I need to end it all.

Friday, September 07, 2007

Oh my...What a long week. First days of school, and new schedule, and new beginning. Tough today I called Dwayne and arranged to pick up my pay, was quite nice. I really enjoyed earning money of my own, was quite enjoyable, I must say.
Today was exhausting, and I don't know why.
Went and picked up my money, then we went to the park. Afterwards we went shopping, in town cause it was closer at the time, and got some drive through on our way home.
We missed some key popcorn, and rice milk, and a few other small things that we couldn't find in the store we're not accustomed to.
Now, since it's a Friday night, we're going to sit back and watch a movie on the computer, and enjoy some family time, if we can wrap our heads around the chaos and find it's kryptonite.
It's crazy how busy and nuts everything gets, and all frazzled on days like today. We really didn't do overly much, it just feels that way, and it's a bit overwhelming.
I'm tired, but I think I'll be ok once the movie starts.
A weekend, god what am I gonna do with D at home all day? LOL

Thursday, September 06, 2007


I had a terrible sleep last night, and feel today as if I've been a punching bag overnight. It's amazing what can happen to the body (when your older at least) when you don't sleep. I must've woken up every hour at least, if not twice each hour. I had a horrible nightmare that was so vivid I couldn't tell if it was real or if I was dreaming when i woke up.
I remember crying myself back to sleep (the better part of 20 minutes). Whatever all the fuss was about to have the dream in the first place must've been forgotten, or unnoticed by me because I remember being happy to finally hit the hay.
Was horrible, and has left a shadow over my day, even though I'm trying not to dwell on it.
Darius took the bus to school all on his own today (I didn't drive down to meet him), and am waiting to pick him up as well.
Got my hair cut yesterday, back to the nice layered look I had it before, not the silly bob.
Did I mention we scored free breakfast yesterday at the wellness center? I don't remember what I blog about, and I usually don't go and read back either. Oh well.
Today we're going to baby group, first time since I dropped off Ni from her visit I believe.
I wanted to do some sewing today, but it's looking more as though if I'm to get it accomplished I need to do my cutting and piecing at night, and sewing during the days while D is at school. I'll get the hang of this yet.
Hunter learned the sign for Hat.

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Almost Done

That huge list of stuff I had planned to do whilst Kim and mom were away is almost complete.
Thanks in large part, to having Chance around. He chose to stay home from work and give me a hand in what would have otherwise been an immensely daunting task.
Just a few small tidbits now remain, and I'm happy that every thing's done, because that leaves me with just sewing to accomplish as planned.
I'm a bit concerned at current relationship issues, but won't elaborate here.
New Washer and Dryer work nicely, and both seem to run fairly quietly, which is pleasing.
I have yet to call Dwayne to ask for my pay, which i should do.
I still need to send a few more boxes out to Jill, I've only got three left. Hopefully after that my addiction to helping those in need will dissipate.
Life in general seems to be troubling me, but as I've not made the time to figure out what it is exactly, I shall have to wait and see what becomes of it all.
Tommorow D takes the bus to school all on his own.
I inquired about the P.A.C. and they said I'd be a real help as they've only got 2 consistent P.A.C. members as of now. Hmm...always nice to have the extra motivation. The principal expressed his impressions of me being a very involved parent by coming to the school twice today (once to show D where to go after getting off the bus in the morning, and once after school got out to make sure he knew to get back onto the bus) and inquiring about the P.A.C on the second day of school. :o) He said they could really use new members for school field trips and the school's Hot Lunch program.
Anyhow, back to the daily duties.

Tuesday, September 04, 2007


I haven't blogged about him in a while.
He hit a growth spurt, where he was a bottomless pit and now he can reach about 3-4 inches in on top of the table, reach the doorknobs and get on the couch and chairs without difficulty.
Time to get the knob covers out I spose.
He knows quite a big of sign language compared to his brother at this point, and he picks it up real fast. He knows...please, ball, more, all done, hello/good-bye/nighty nighty (just waving mind you)
his words as of now are...Broom Broom (car/driving), Day Day (Darius, DaDEE (Chance), Mama (me), Tee Tee (Tia).
I'm sure he says more than that, I just can't think of them right now.
He's tall, he's quick, and DAMN is he quiet. I'll be in the kitchen, and set him down in the living room. In the time it takes for me to pick up whatever it is I was doing he'd be down at the bathroom door.
Thankfully I can keep all the doors closed, but as he can reach all the knobs and knows how to work them, it's time to get covers.

Oh man, it took everything I had not to break down in a massive sobbing heap at school with D today. He just made me so proud, he wasn't shy, and he listened so well.
He said he had a good day, and made a new friend.
I posted pics from today on flickr.
What a day. Tommorow he'll catch the bus to school...I'll drop him at the bus stop and wait for him to get on, then drive down and meet him there so he knows where to go and such. I hope I'll look like I know what I'm doing, and my anxiety over a school bus won't show.
Hunter was pretty lonely for the time when big brother wasn't here b4 he went down for his nap.
It's going to be quite a challenge to get us all onto the school-time schedual of getting up and ready early (I've been lzy and not rushing all summer).
He goes half-day until the 17th, then he'll begin full day. They also have a hot lunch program as well, so when they have that arranged I'll sign him up for it as well.
Oh what a long day today is.

Monday, September 03, 2007

Still sick as a dog, but at least it's not showing as much.
Uploaded pics to Flickr.

Oh My God...Stop, Time!

I don't want it to be his first day tomorrow.
I'm not ready...I haven't even washed the new clothes for school, which I'll hafta do tonight. I don't know if I'll need to pack a snack or anything...I'm just not ready.
I was so sick after we got home from Gramma's today...I got glued to the toilet, and I felt like spewing chunks everywhere. not cool. I ended up buying Pepto to function.
Oy...tommorrow's coming too soon!
Emptied both cars out when we got home, and now I have a mountain of stuff to sort out and put away. Again.
Got laundry to do, preparations to make.
Hunter's figured out how to get our Pantry door opened, so I need to go and buy a handle cover for it. darn.
Got two boxes out to Jill on Friday, which was nice, so hopefully I can send out the next two on Friday again after Chance gets paid, provided I'm allowed to. The only reason why I sent these two out was because I earned the money to send them out.
I'm still feeling yucky, but I can manage now that I'm not back and forth.
I've got a bunch of pictures to both print and post on Flickr and Facebook. Got some good shots
of the boys and Chance...still workin on filling picture frames and hanging them around the house.
Got the Washer and Dryer in before we left, just don't know if they're hooked up and ready to go...I'll hafta check so I can do the laundry.
We went to the Drive0In Friday night and seen Transformers and Bourne Ultimatum, and then we left around noon on Saturday for Gramma's. Had fun out there, and though Chance didn't catch any fish, we still managed to have a good time.
Until today, that is...when the cloud of negativity that's been hovering all week really crashed once again. Never really seems to leave, that darned cloud.
I'm tired of talking.

Saturday, September 01, 2007

SO Unfair

Why do all the good concerts come round when I can't see them??
Colin James, The "New" Odds, David Usher, and Strength in Numbers is all comin to town.
I know damned well I won't be able to see them.
It's so unfair.

Friday, August 31, 2007


I was so stressed lastnight, it was difficult to believe.
I hate working on a timed schedual for things, where everything has to be done or not at all.
I got my last few things acomplished from this week done today, so I feel much better about my time management.
When I arrived home from my chores for the day I found Wal Mart had called, and am disappointed that I didn't think to hook up the answering machine.
Darius'es first day of school is TUesday, on which I'll drive him down to check everything out, I hafta bring his birth certificate, and something else, can't member what. Anyhow, the first day is only from 8:15-11:30, so it's not too bad. D is real excited about taking a bus to school each day :o) He said he's gonna miss me while he's at school though, which almost in itself brought me to a breakdown. I'm dreading that day.
Today has been a very good day so far with the boys, and I'm content.
We got a new washer and dryer from Deb&Dwayne, which is nice, cause the ones we have just aren't making the grade right now. Just need a new belt in the future for the washer, which is ok I spose. I'm not going to complain, a dryer that can go on more settings than MED is good for me.
Planning on heading to the Drive-In tonight, it's their last weekend :o(. They're showing Transformers (yay!) and The Bourne Ultimatum. Chance left work early, so I'm hoping that we can maybe scootch up early and visit the IPE on our way by, even if it's just to ride a couple of rides with D. :o)
What a chaotic week! I hope we don't have another one like this in the near future cause I'd fall apart.
There's two concerts I'd like to see in October here, the Strength in Numbers Tour (Finger 11 and Sum 41) and David Usher is playing at Flashbacks. Both sound like a lot of fun, who know's if I'll actually get to go though.
Too busy, but hopefully this next week will be better.

Wednesday, August 29, 2007


Even though there weren't a whole lot of my Facebook friends who came, the BBQ was wonderful. Chance ended up inviting Dan & Brandi and their daughter Charlie, and Jason Bednar. It was a nice evening, and I'd say a success overall.

I'm hoping to go to Gramma's this weekend, but also I'd love to hit the IPE and the Drive in for the last showing of the seaon of Transformers and Bourne Ultimatum...I'ma lso hoping to drag Hekter to it, since I told him forever ago I'd go see Transformers with him.

Even though the house wasn't as spotless as I wanted it to be, it still wasn't bad.

Yesterday I spent 5 1/2 hours cleaning, and am disappointed that I got little done. In any event, I'll be going back tommorow, and hopefully am dropping the kids off at daycare (if they have room, if not, we'll figure something out). I'm going to buy their washer and dryer off of them, as they are in better shape than the ones we have here (may require a new belt, but works very well I believe).

(Post Carried on from yesterday)

Today I dropped the kids off at daycare and spent 6 hours cleaning at Deb's.

Monday, August 27, 2007

Too Too Busy

SSuper cleaned (detail only) on Sunday, was tired from that.
Today I canned tomatoes (all 12 jars even!) and then afterwards cooked dinner, folded and put away laundry, and pulled out stuff I figured could go into storage. I loaded up the car, and drove over and dropped it off.
I've still got a ton of stuff to go to storage (unfortunately because it's not mine I can't do anything but store it).
I'm going to clean a friends house tommorow for $20 an hour, I'm hoping to get at least three hours. She said to expect to clean the fridge and stove at least.
Wednesday I'm planning the BBQ (Which I've only squeaked one acceptance for unfortunately) and have my chiro appointment.
thursday is baby group...nothing for Friday.
Busy busy days. I guess I like it that way, otherwise I'd be more miserable than I am.

Sunday, August 26, 2007

Caffine is good

Been trying to keep myself going all day so I can say I was productive, and cause I know I won't have much time before the BBQ to clean as much as I want with the kids and all.
So far I've only been able to cross off about 5 things from my list of about 20 things to do.
I got a call from my friend Deb who wants me to come in and help her clean her apartment cause they're moving, so I'm planning on doing that on Tuesday, and Thursday if it's needed. Monday I'm canning tomatoes (bought jars for it even), and wednesday I have my chiro appointment, and getting food ready plus I need to pick up Hekter. Don't have much else planned, but a lot needs to be accomplished this week.
I've been jumping around from task to task today, and the house is a pig sty. I need to make a run to storage to drop some stuff off and grab some more picture frames. I'm still folding laundry, and washing laundry. I've gotten the sheets onto the beds, but am waiting for the blankets to dry, so hopefully they'll be dry by tonight cause they didn't fully dry in the dryer so I just hung them up. I've sorted through the drawers of Hunter to get rid of small stuff again (a never ending task it seems). Yesterday I vacuumed and dusted at the same time.
Got some pictures in frames and hung them up in the hallway, and I'm planning on hanging more around the house since I'm a print-aholic now.
Hopefully I can get as much accomplished as I want before the other boys get home.

It's Almost Here...

Two weeks without mom or Kimmie, they won't even be here for D's first day of school. :o(
I'm looking foreward to doing laundry when I want inany event.
I've been printing out pictures like a madwoman, now that I've gotten a new printer cartridge and some photo paper...dunno what I'm gonna do with em all, but oh well.
Boy, I've got a bunch more stuff to send to my friend, at least two larger boxes full to the brim with clothing. Hmm...I dunno when I'm gonna get em off, I've spent my money for the month.
I've gotta put laundry away today, and finish washing the bedding.
I stayed up late lastnight, and I shouldn'tve.

Friday, August 24, 2007

Fun with mall photo booths

Ok, So Maybe Not

I squeeked away with not going to Gramma's. I claimed I needed a mental health weekend. Time to re-charge my batteries, time to myself. Personal time I've been craving so desperately since Chance's arrival, and I've felt I've been sorely lacking.
Time at night's it good, but days alone are terrific too. I miss the quiet where I don't have to do anything because everything is already done.
Planning a BBQ for Wednesday (did I say that already? I never keep track of my posts) and as far as I know I have one maybe, and one for sure cause I'm draggin his butt out here and am gonna hold him Hostage! lol. Anyhow, I plan on organizing everything in the house, doing a super-mega amber clean as well. Hopefully after I'm done mom and kim won't be displeased with the results. I figure, I have a storage unit, I may as well use it.
I'm looking foreward to some time to clean, dust, sanitize, and organize. I complain about having to do it, but when it's in detail I really enjoy it because it's so consuming. I'm hoping to toss both kids into daycare so I can do it though. We'll see how it goes.
I'm tired, but I have a huge mountain of laundry to do...bedding, towels, clothing, pillows, blankets, stuffies. *sigh*
Summer's coming to an end, and that makes me sad.

Weekend's Here!

Leaving to drive Niamh home today.
Took a bunch of stuff back yesterday, and managed 180 bux from returns...scary.
Am planning a BBQ for Wednesday (mom's birthday and guy's night for Chance) for a reunion of old friends through Facebook.
Dunno if it'll have any turnout, but I'm planning it anyways. That'll leave me a couple of days to clean the house and re-organize a couple of things that I didn't get to this week.
Went to the drive in lastnight for Hairspray and Rush Hour 3 (which was hilarious) and was frustrated for the most part, but still managed a decent time.
Spent the day at the water park with the kids and even went down the mini waterslide with Hunter. Water was a bit too chilly for him, but he still liked the slide.
Playin rough with D this can he pack a punch!
Hopefully things will get better soon, cause this stuff is just not my bag of tea. I'm frustrated everyday, and feel like I'm being smothered with crap that's not mine.
I could lead a life of relaxation and no rushing or worry, but this is where I'm at now, and I can change it.
Waiting is always tough.
I still haven't heard back from Wal Mart, and am feeling like a loser...dude, i can't even get hired on at Wal Mart!
Gonna vacuum today before Kimmie goes to sleep.
I truly don't feel like heading to Gramma's this weekend cause I know exactly what it will entail, and how frustrating it's going to be, and I want more than anything to weasel out of it. I'm already biting my nails off...*sigh*
Hopefully the BBQ on Wednesday will work out.

Wednesday, August 22, 2007

There Was a Reason

I swear I had a reason for blogging, but Pokie's new blog design distracted me and I decided to re-do mine cause I'm tired of looking at the huge gap that was there.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Ei Yi Yi

Yesterday we canned peaches, and it took pretty much the whole day, and wore me right out. I got home and plopped on the couch for an hour before I could do anything.
We decided to go bowling, and I'm afraid to admit i came in last place for the first game. We went ten pin bowling over at McCurdy Lanes and Ni was amazed at how updated and new it was, and how big. She and D both had their first shot at it, and both of them whooped all over me.
Today we went shopping for new school stuff for D. I went overboard and spent, like, 275 bux at Wal Mart on clothing, shoes, a new backpack and lunch bag. I also spent 63 on a new jacket for him (not really needed so I can take it back) and a 55 on a new bra for myself (something I haven't bought since I had H) plus a couple of gifts cards.
Spent a lot of money today, and am feeling pretty guilty about it. Am contemplating taking back the jacket, and about 3 outfits that aren't really needed. I've never been school clothes shopping before, I don't know what to get or how much, so I did my usual and over did it.
Anyhow, sent out two boxes to my friend Jill of baby stuff, and have probly about 4 shoe-boxes more, plus another bigger box of clothes that I got for free today at Baby Group.
It's been a busy week, but I don't mind it so much, it's been enjoyable but with stressful moments where I get a hug from Niamh to loosen me up.
Did I mention that I filled out an application at Wal Mart and got an on-the-spot interview? They said they'd call this week for a second interview, and I haven't heard from them yet...but I've been too busy to be worried. I told them I really was only interested in evenings and weekends, and that I only wanted to be hired cause I wanted the discounts...hehehe. The interview went well I believe, only because it didn't feel so formal I think.
Anyhow, tommorow we're gonna finish off the peaches by making jam, I have a Chiro appointment in the morning and later in the evening we're going swimming t JBMAC.
Tonight we had a "girly" night where we painted all of our nails (except mom and Hunter's) and had face masks put on. Ni, D, and I had the peel off kind while Chance had the warming kind. Both boys had both sets of nails done by Ni and I and we had a lot of fun. I even put on the fake set of nails I bought back in the beginning of spring. Got some pictures, but don't feel like putting them up just yet. I plan on finishing my nails with Happy Faces (toes, that is).
Anyhow, I guess I should get to bed.

Monday, August 20, 2007

Busy Weekend

Friday night just kinda lazed about.
Saturday we went thrift shopping and I got some baby clothes for my friend (just need to send them her way now) and a couple of nice dresses for myself. :o)
Afterwards we hooked up with Chance at the local Future Shop for the Arm Wrestling Competition for the Food Bank. It was nice, we signed up both Darius and Chance, but Darius didn't end up having anyone else sign up for his weight class, so he automatically got first place. He got a medal and a gift bag, both of which he was very proud of.
Sunday I went and picked up Niamh from Falkland and apparently i drive faster with no kids in my car cause I made it in an hour and 15 minutes, which is about 15-20 minutes faster than with kids.
Went to Scandia lastnight and played a round of golf, then wasted some tokens getting tickets, and got a large Die and a Free Pass for golf. :o) Was fun.
Uploaded pictures from Friday and Saturday to Flickr.

Friday, August 17, 2007 that that's out of the way.
The harddrive and the printer are on the top shelf. Phew, that was a lot of work, wiping all the dust away, and bundling the cords so they don't pose a choking hazard. Today I'll look into getting a strap for the desk to bolt it to the wall so it doesn't tip, and maybe get a grippy for the tower or something else to secure it to the shelf to prevent falling hazards. *sighs*
Now I gotta sort through all the junk that was on top. Eww.

Today must be my productive day. Maybe the only one of the month...hehehe
Am picking up Niamh on Sunday, so today I'm making sure I get other stuff done cause even though I wanted to toss her and D into kids camp, I don't think I will. It's Aqua Adventures, but I can easily do that if I take them ot the beach everyday too. So, I figure I'll just see what we can get up to otherwise and have some fun together. Maybe I can just toss them in for one day.
In any event, I've scrubbed the tub, the sink, and vacuumed. Now I need to wash the floors, and maybe finish cleaning the counter and the toilet in the bathroom.
Lastnight neither of the boys wanted to let me sleep, so even though I'm exhausted I know stuff needs to be done, so I gotta do it. They both kept waking me up, and we all ended up rolling out of bed at about 7:30 this morning. At least it was early enough to get the cleaning I wanted to do done.
I'm thinkin i may toss in a roast for dinner around noon and put it on nice and low heat.
I'd still really like to clean off the computer desk and re-organize it so that the printer can go on top and out of Hunter's Reach, and maybe even the harddrive. I dunno if I can be that time-inventive today though.
That reminds me, we need a new printer cartridge...
Today we're going to Wal Mart so we'll see if we can get one then?
I finally finished unpacking everything I had downi n Vancouver with me...*g*
Gotta take some stuff to storage (yesterday I organized my room and put away most of Chance's stuff) cause I'm trying to make room for all of Chance's stuff. I got so settled in that there's really no room for him, now I'm re-organizing.
Neither one of the oys would let me sleep...I'm tired. Hopefully I can get to bed early tonight.
Gotta shower with the boys, cause I was hoping to hit a thrift store up for some stuff for Jill. I've got a couple of small shoeboxes left that I want to fill with a few clothing items and ship her way. I've sent two so far, and have one ready to go with blankets, not I just wanna send a small one with some baby clothes.
I'm way too generous sometimes.
We were supposed to can peaches today, but apparently they weren't ripe enough so we'll hafta wait until Monday.
Oh well, more time for me.