Saturday, February 26, 2005

Sickly Days are here again

Yup...the cold has made it's way around the family. First Kim, then Darius, then me and now Chance and mom.
Well, I can say that I'm getting over mine quick because I've been pounding back Eccenasia(sp?) and Garlic. So, i've only managed to stick with a mild long-lasting fever. Darius has had a terrible runny nose since tuesday eve.
I will seriously beat something soon.
I am now a "dictator" according to Chance. He said I'm a dictator.
I got my hair permed lastnight. Mary came over and did it. I don't think that I left it in long enough, cause it's not as curly as I was hoping, but whatever. What's done is done.
Not a comment from Chance when he came in after my hair was done. Thanks for that.
Chance's friend Dan cam over today. He has three friends by that name now...
Darius had his friend from accross the street over today for a good 2 hours. Adriana is very pleasant, and calm, and nice. They played well together.
Relationships really blow.

A Thought For You

I saw an add on the other day, and decided to respond and ask for more information. It was for Egg Donors.
They're willing to pay $3000 US.

Monday, February 21, 2005

One Day...and bloody soon...

Today was a Monday in all regards. So far...
So, I've gotten all of my T4's, but because of Chance and I being married, I have to go in to a tax preparer and have them do it for me. More money from my wallet that I just don't have.
I'm so frustrated with all that crap. Before, it was them deducting 700 some odd dollars from last year's return, now they're not going to send it back to me, as I was originally told once I finally figured out what was going on. Now, they're telling me I owe them 200 dollars. Just fucking give me a goddamned break here people. I mean, they must enjoy being fucknuts.
I went to get ready for work this morning, and Chance comes out of bed to tell me that I need to put gas in the truck, and that there isn't even enough to get me into work. *sighs*
So, i leave the house with only one bank card, assuming I wouldn't have a need for both. Get to the gas station to find out it's been demagnetized by my new purse. Call Chance to bring me the other one (I'm already late by this time), and then he calls me back saying the other truck's gas lines froze because I try not to keep gas in it (it has winter stud tires on it, and they're startig to chip because they're not being used on snow, so I decided to cut gas off from it and only keep small amounts in it to discourage driving). I tell him to take mom's car, and he finally makes it there about 20 minutes later with bank card in hand, and D in the backseat all strapped in.
I got to work at 7:30 (as opposed to 7). *sighs*
At least the gas station people took pity on me and gave me a free cup of coffee.
So, after D wakes up, I'm going to go replace my bank card, and get my taxes filed.
I'm just full of those things today.

Friday, February 18, 2005


Chance and I had an enjoyable enough time Tuesday evening, when we decided to go see a movie with just the two of us.
Evening started off ragged, and we were both rather annoyed, but a movie that funny can't possibly have 2 annoyed people leaving annoyed. Was a great movie, and I really thought it was worth the money, another movie to add to the to-buy list.


Well, *sighs* attempting to figure my budget is proving difficult, but we're still getting places. Phone calls, and more phone calls have revealed that I probably won't be getting any kind of re-embursment from Revenue Canada at all, but am now in debt to the in the tune of about 200 dollars. So, until I pay them that amount, I won't get my refund for this year, unless I file my taxes for 2002. So, Monday afternoon, if I rush home from work, I should be able to do all.
*crosses fingers*
Keep telling myself I should just pop out a couple of quilts. trouble is, i really have to be motivated to do something like that, and I get depressed every time I even look at a pair of scissors or a swatch of fabric.
Am battling a bout of extreme stress here, but so far, am rather proud that I haven't let myself slip completely into pessimism.
Just a little bit more...and I can reach as high as the stars.

Monday, February 14, 2005

Another Day Bites The Dust

I keep thinking to myself that I ought to just make something, to see if it would sell. I just haven't gotten around to it.
I want to perm my hair, but my arms got sore just doing the third roller, so I gave up. Am thinking I may have to get Mary to do it for me.
Mom's putting Darius to sleep tonight, Chance went to Basketball. We made chicken, and mashed potatoes with a salad for dinner. I put red food colouring in the mashed potatoes to make them "special". :o]
Have you seen "Under The Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane? I recommend it, terrific, uplifting movie. *sigh*
I was thinking today about a couple that we knew in Centerburg. I called them when I got home, and nearly shocked Chance into stupidity when I asked for their number, and as sheer panic rose in his voice when he asked me why he wanted their number, it occurred to me that I really don't have many ties to that place anymore.

Saturday, February 12, 2005

Entertainment For the Day

Well, as luck would have it, I spent my day sewing with Sylvia. Cracking jokes, and being stupid, and just in general being relaxed.
I've been feeling so antsy lately. Coffee addiction?
Unproductive, lazy, tired, exhausted, brainless.
*think of something witty to say...quick*
"Pardon me while I burst into flames..."
Have you ever noticed that random thoughts really aren't that random? They only appear that way because no one else can see your mind.
"Condemnation throughout life, if only minds could see.
Stolen thoughts, and the forgery will be."

Friday, February 11, 2005


Yeah...ok, so yesterday I blew my top. I'm feeling a little better today, had less coffee.
I figure, it just takes a little more planning. *sighs* Am fighting off the sneaking suspision that I'm never going to get out of debt.
Darius said his phone number the other night. We've been trying to teach him for the last week and a half or so, and when I was putting him to bed, I asked him what it was, and though he couldn't say zero, he still came out with it. I'm I get to teach him what the numbers look like, and also 911.
God...I've been on such a losing streak in Scrabble, I'm wondering what's going on with it.
Am beginning to come around to the bright side of things with working for Sylvia. Again.
Funny the phases you can go through just with everyday life.
I was entertained lastnight, when mom was cooking dinner, she asked me to mash the potatoes, and I had to let D entertain himself. It was rather cute because I put on a children's show, that had people doing different silly dances, and making motions and such. I asked D if he could do it too, and boy, did he ever do a good job keeping up. Was rather cute watching him try to walk like a crab, and crawl like a puppy, and such.
Darius asked his daddy where he was going, Daddy replied "crazy, would you like to come" Darius says "ya" then proceeds to walk tot he entryway and sit to wait for someone to help him put his shoes and coat on. Daddy asks what he's doing, and he says "I'm going crazy with daddy."
I love having a 2 year old.

Thursday, February 10, 2005

unreliable Fucknuts

Yup, that's the government for ya.
I got a letter in the mail today from Government of Canada stating that I have an outstanding balance with Medical Services Plan, and that they could be with holding my 2004 tax refund.
Like, WTF...I thought I just sorted all this bullshit out with you people.
So, 6 phone calls later to 6 different agencies, and I have my answer. I owe for Sept. to Dec. of 2003. In order to be pardoned for that, I have to file for my 2002 tax refund or pay $199.58.
Until I do either of these two things, I don't get to file for my 04 tax refund. so totally fucking with my budget I can't even begin to describe how fucking infuriated I am at the stupid fucknut blowjobs who put me into this situation.
People responsible? Me...I'm so unbelievably fucking moronic for assuming that any plans I made for any of my fucking income would be able to fit into anything in my fucking life.
We looked into maybe getting a smaller storage unit today, and because I don't have a credit card to charge it on, they want the first three months in advance, which would be somewhere around 350 dollars. It's saving us 60 dollars a month, but am I supposed to come up with that money right away when I've just bought a new truck that's costing me the same as renting my own place??
I must've been the stupidest fucking person in the entire universe when I signed that fucking loan paper for the truck., not only am I just thinking about another job, I'm going to have to get another job just to make up for the fucknuts bullshit.
If I could scream for hours on end, I would...

Weight on my Mind

It seems amazing to me that after a year and a half creditors are still phoning for Chance.
I'm thinkin, I may as well pick up a second job again, so maybe I can start paying all of his stuff off. Feels like we'll be in debt forever.
I've been thinking a lot about romance, and how pointless it is. But it sure does make things look a lot prettier.
"My mind has been wandering all day, can't seemt o concentrate.
Flashbacks of days long gone, memories that no one can alleviate.
Happiness wil be as new life comes forth, all we need is a spark."

I'm not even going to bother adding up all the stuff fromt he states...I'd get way in over my head. I'm not being pessimistic about it, but rather taking one thing at a time.
I'd like to think that I'm doing well for myself, and am hoping to do better someday...maybe I'll look into getting a financial advisor, and start paying into some RRSP's. The earlier you start, the earlier you can retire.

Sunday, February 06, 2005

Valentine's Day

God Valentine's Day sucks. Who's bright idea was it to set aside one day per year to tell that someone special that you love them? Should you not say that sort of thing the whole year through?

Saturday, February 05, 2005


Yup...definately one of those days.
"Somedays I wonder how, and why, I ended up with Chance. Am I lucky to have someone like him? Am I just wasting my time? If I am lucky, I should be grateful, and if I'm not, why am I still with him? Do I need a reminder? How many times do I have to tell him to pick up the slack? Why do I have to fish for compliments, for romance? Am I doing something wrong? Why am I as tolerant as I am?"

Life Accomplishments...

You know, I often wonder sometimes, why I haven't accomplished more in my life than what I have. I realize, that in contrast to some of my family members, I've already accomplished more than what my bloodline expectancy would be.
I have two beautiful trucks, a decent credit rating, I pay my bills, I have a roof over my head, I make a contribution to society by making frequent donations when I go grocery shopping, I have a healthy son who's smart, and I'm successfully *crosses fingers* married.
I want to write kids books, or maybe a novel about my unusual as it's been.
I wouldn't mind owning my own seamstress shop, I wouldn't mind owning my own cleaning business with my friends, I wouldn't mind taking a break and finding a job that suits me, to find the career of my dreams.
I talked to an ex of mine lastnight, and it will never fail to amaze me why people seem to think I'm attractive. I'd like to believe that I myself am attractive, but I never have, and have sneaking suspisions that I never will. I'd like to have confidence that people who are attractive have, if only so I can see myself in a different life for a change.
I want to have a life that I used to daydream of when I was younger.
I want to be able to go to my friends' houses guilt-free, and believe that it's my right to go out every once and a while...and believe that everything I do outside of work isn't wrong.
I'd love to have an equal relationship, and have understanding...but that's why we're different. Just to drive me nuts.
I'd like to feel successful, at my own hands, and know that everything I've worked for, is more than I could dream of.
*sighs*'s one of those damned life-reflecting days...