Sunday, December 30, 2007

I can't believe we're down to the last day of the year. It's kinda scary when you think back on how quickly it went.

I remember feeling lonely this time last year because I missed my friend, then i ventured out into the Reservation and made new friends. Summer came along with a massive change to how I made things work. There was a crossroads there, looking back. I could've changed my life forever, and I chose to stay the same.
Fall came, and I was still lonely, but not nearly so bad as I was during the beginning of the year.

Did I make resolutions? I couldn't tell you, I don't even think I stayed awake.

I wonder if this year will be different. I wonder if I'll be different.

It seems that as I grow, I find a new layer of someone who's always been me. It's like I'm building this puzzle of me and I only find one piece that fits per year, and somday I'll see the big picture, but I know it's not today. It's comforting to know that I'll someday be who I was meant to be, and not just pretend to be someone I know I'm not. that's what gets me through times like this.

I'm here now, and I'm floundering. I feel like calling for help, but the only one who can help me. I'm scared, I'm alone, because I have to do it on my own.

The New Year is here, and I can choose that path that lay ahead of me that will enrich me, I can choose to be that better person that is hiding...I can choose. And yet I don't.

I don't know how many people read this on a reglar basis, or at all...but to those of you who do, I hope you have a good new that you can fill with hope and all of those good things from within you. Each and every person I've met is amazing in their own way and holds at least one personality trait that I wish I possessed for myself. Make this year a memorable one...and not just for the reasons to complain about, make it the one where you genuinely want to remember and relive it over and over in your memory, because you never know when you'll need those thoughts.