Tuesday, October 30, 2007

We're Trying...Honest

I just really wonder how it's possible for anyone to get anything accomplished. Job & Family Services (Canadian Equivalent is Welfare) was brisk and rude to begin with, and demand to know what MY income was in Canada, even though Chance can't claim me, and I couldn't claim him there. It's retarded.
Went to go to WIC (Women, Infants, Children) and they were closed for lunch. Went to the community Health Place where they do immunizations to see about D's, and they were rather wary when I entered just to ask when I can get his done.
Everywhere I go for services seems to be filled with butt-head people who just don't seem to enjoy their jobs. Including the school, the secretaries still haven't warmed up to me at all, even though I've volunteered once last week and twice this week. Not a smile, peep, or hello out of any of them.
I wonder just how hard I'm going to have to work to get in on everyone's good side here and actually become a part of the community.
D wasn't feeling well lastnight, and Hunter doesn't seem to be feeling well today.
I volunteered at the school to help the kids do their computer work, and it's working it's own kinks out, which is nice.
Had a discussion with the teacher about D's behavioural issues in school. He seems to have problems keeping his hands (and other such things) to himself, and keeping himself on task.
I just basically told him that he's trying to get adjusted to his new surroundings.
I figure once he gets used to his new classmates he should settle down. In his old school he already knew all of his classmates, so he didn't need to poke and heckle to show off. That's not the case here. I'm hoping that once we get moved in and such that we'll be able to hold regular playdates with his classmates to help him get to know them better. I'd really like to holD a party as well.
I'm watching the Golden Child, it's's been a while since I've watched it.
Found a nice little Thrift Store in Ashland as well. :o)
Anyhow, on with the day.

Monday, October 29, 2007

I have gained at least 5 pounds since being here...I'm turning into an eating machine. So much for escaping depression. I've turned myself into a piglet. It's silly and I hope to be rid of that silly habit once we end up in our new house.
Went and got some essentials today, which really only leaves some glasses and pots and pans that I need to worry about for the time being.
Hopefully I'll have everything else that I'm thinking I have in boxes, I'm just not sure anymore.
Hafta get D signed up for school bussing.
Went to the local thrift store here today and got a few things. I'm kind of disappointed that the second hand stores around here aren't as nice as ours back home.
I've got a bunch of stuff lined up for where to volunteer and participate and such, hopefully I can continue to do that once we get our own place...who knows how long it'll last.
I'm worried about what's going to happen once Chance gets a job...then it's pretty much going to leave me without a vehicle, unless I drive him to work (which I'm assuming wouldn't be as gas-saving as it was in BC) and pick him up as well.
I'm sad, and I'm getting fat again, and I guess I'm just unsatisfied. I hate being right, but that is what I am. I knew what was going to happen once we got here and I really should have gone with my better judgement and said no, and stayed in BC until Chance got himself all lined up. Every plan he's made has fallen through, even the bit about me working.
I guess a few phone calls could've sorted that out though. I'm stupid.
Who knows when I'll be able to start working. It's based right now, on when the government gets back to the immigration attourney that they've hired. God only knows.
If I could work right now I would've weaned and gotten to it...but it's easier said than done.
I hate being shut out, and I hate being turned into the thing I see in the mirror.

Saturday, October 27, 2007

So, today I finished off both boys' costumes, and we were on our way to a local craft store that was doing in-store trick-or-treating for the kids. We got them dressed up, and headed in, while oohhhing and ahhing at the rest of the costumes we passed by. They had little bags for the boys to decorate with stickers, and then they could go and trick-or-treat in the store. They were so cute...I love D with his helpfulness with Hunter, and Hunter was THE cutest #2 Pencil in the entire world.
Trick-or-Treating isn't until Nov. 2nd from 6-7:30 here. I know, it's odd they don't do it on the actualy day of Halloween...I don't get why not, and no one I know seems to know either. Lame. At least they'll get to go here in the local town.
Uploaded the pictures to Flickr.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Strike it off

I've uploaded pics to Flickr from my trip accross the country and so on.
I can take that off of my to do list!
I finished off D's Ninja costume today (yes, even though I bought him a costume, I could not, in good conscience send him off in it). I also cut out H's Pencil costume, and got it all ready to go. I should be able to finish it off either late this evening or early tommorow...cause I also hafta start the Orange-o-Lantern's for D's school for Friday. Hopefully that'll go well.
Oh boy, it's so busy.

Yuck. We all went to bed early lastnight, like about 6:30. We all slept, but I recall Chance crawling out of bed round 10:30, and I didn't get up until midnight. When I got up, I came out with Hunter adn tried to watch Chance play video games for a bit, but realized that the game perspective was making me sick. I ended up almost barfing anywhere's, but managed just to suffer through stuff and falling asleep. When I woke up this morning it wasn't too bad, so I ate a big breakfast and got on with the morning getting the brood ready for the day. After Chance drove D to school I slowly went downhill, I felt yucky naseaus, and friggin freezing. I spent the morning curled under a blanket, and drinking broth from a up. I had some soup for lunch, which went down not too bad. Afterwards I felt much warmer, but not much I fed H his lunch them put him down for a nap. We slept for 2 and a half hours. Afterwards I felt much much better but I find the naseau is trying to come back again. How odd that I feel so yucky without any real symptoms of sickness.
I made D a ninja costume yesterday, and am trying to make a list of Halloween activities and events to go to, because they don't do trick or treating on Halloween here (which is retarded to say the least) and I have no clue when the local towns are doing theirs. So, hopefully everything we do will be enough to go in place of trick-or-treating.
Today I cut out H's Pencil costume, and should be able to put it together this evening.
I feel yucky.
D apparently got into trouble at school today for cutting his hair, and that of a classmates. Had to give a stern talking to about behaviour and such. Never a dull moment.

Monday, October 22, 2007

Birthdays and Weekends

D has started school today, and he has a class size of 21 with a male teacher (who also happens to be the football coach). He seems nice, but I think the classroom size itself is a little small. He was happy to be going back to school, so that's a plus at least.
I'm sad to say that I bought him a skeleton costume as well as a trick or treat bag from Wal Mart sucks, and it's cheap, and I'm disappointed. 'm still going to see what I can whip up before the end of the week (D's school party). I'm planning on making Hunter into a Pencil, and still making D his Ninja outfit (cause they don't trick or treat on the actual 31st here he could still wear both if he wanted to).
My birthday came and went with some rough patches, but still fairly pleasant. We went out for pizza, and I got a matching necklace and ear-rings set, plus a $200 gift for a Spa close by. I won't be able to collect on it right away, but that's ok because it still gives me time to figure out which services I'd like to collect on. The boys made me a nice spice cake with some wonderful decorations (and as luck would have it the school required a couple of frosting cans for supplies).
Hunter has adjusted quite nicely here, and has turned Don into his new Kimmie. Don lifts him to the fans, and lets him play on the computer with him, as well as walking him around the house.
I'm glad he's adapted so well, but it's still real disappointing to see my children move on so well while I get left behind.
We're supposed to get our place this Friday (if all goes well). They chraging us First month, Last month, plus a deposit to move in, and even when that's done, rent is due on the First again. Thank goodness rent is only 580 or we'd never be able to move in. We've paid at least one month ourselves, but still need to pay the other stuff, so, MONEY SUCKER!
We'll be pretty much set for furniture (at least the stuff we'll need right away) but don't have any kitchen ware of any sort. So, I'm hoping to hit thrift stores to afford that stuff right away. Later on down the road we should be able to afford brand new stuff, but not right now.
I'm looking foreward to being a parent helper with the school, the teacher looked quite overwhelmed (I think he must be new to teaching), but very grateful when I offered to do some class stuff for him as he's only got one parent volunteering in the classroom right now.
It occurred to me that I should take some courses in Teaching, but the only reason why I volunteer so much is because the boys will be in school and I want them to remember me as always being there to help.
In any event, it was a decent weekend, and things have settled down somewhat to a much more bearable level.
I'm 26 now...scary. I never was able to picture myself as an adult...I wonder if this is how everyone looks at themselves?

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

I'm tired, Ikeep finding more and more often these days.
It's difficult not to lose my temper with my husband. I wish that I could beat him over the head sometimes because he's so block-headed I know it wouldn't do much good ( but it'd sure help my mood improve).
I can see old habits resurfacing, and though I am loath to bring them about in conversations I find myself pointing them out again and again...just as I said it would be.
I hate it when I'm right.
I'm crossing my fingers in the hopes that things will go more smoothly in the future.
We went to the school today to register D for Kindergarten (the one that Don works at of course) only to find their class size limit is 22, and because hey can't turn anyone in their county away, they're already over that limit by 2, not including D. Needless to say I have a serious problem with this. Call me spoiled but I just don't think it's beneficial for my son to get tossed in with 23 other kids, and only one teacher (plus 1 teacher's Aide) and expect him to come out learning something from it. I've seen what happens when he doesn't get a whole lot of attention when he's trying to learn something, and it's never had a good outcome. (gymnastics, swimming)
I'm not saying that they aren't capable of teaching or handling my son, but I'm just not comfortable with that kind of ratio.
I managed a bit of thrift shopping today and found a couple of shirts, but nothing more of interest.
I'm frustrated, seems like I'll not have a shortcoming of that emotion for a while now. As has been so conveniently pointed out a few times "I have no control" over anything.
I've signed my life over, and now I just hafta suck up the goddamned consequences.
I hate myself.

Monday, October 15, 2007

I've officially been here in Ohio for one week now. Kinda sad.
Everyone keeps asking me if I like it here, and if I ever plan on going back home. Duh. It's tough not to answer that sarcastically, and though I try to avoid sounding bitter I doubt I'm coming off much better.
I've been trying to organize what's in the room, so everything that we need is within reach, and still have the place look relatively tidy.
We haven't done anything overly important, but we've still been really busy. We've gona visiting, and shopping, and yesterday we had a BBQ here at the house.
Went to a local pumpkin patch on Saturday to pick out some pumpkins, and walked away with 7! (at 1.50 each) At that rate I'd love to go back and get more to make pumpkin statues or something. We shall see though. They had hayrides available, as well as a petting/feding area (about 6 animals), face painting, a playground (advertisement for the Amish who make them), a concession or three, a straw maze, and a couple of sheds (more advertising) that had ppl selling stuff in them. Was fun for a couple of hours with the family.
I'm almost beginning to get cabin fever, but not quite. It's more that I have yet to leave the house un-escorted. I know it's not intentional, but it feels like it is.
Course, I could be hormonal too.
Lastnight was the first night I was up late instead of Chance. I was doing laundry and figured I hsould stay up until it was finished, so I watched a couple of movies while I waited. By then middle of the second movie though the house reeked like septic. It was yucky, and I almost couldn't sleep. I was very tempted to crack a window, but I didn't. When i woke up the smell was gone, so Don fixed the problem while I slept, which was nice.
We're sposed to go do more shopping today, am hoping to get some pants for the kids (I sorted through b4 we left and now I can't find pants for either boy) and maybe a new winter coat (I'm tired of mine after only 4 years) or a new pair of shoes.
I dunno what the day will bring, but hopefully some good news.
I so hope we're in our own place for Halloween so I can decorate as much as D wants to, and so he's not so confused about where his home is.
They don't do trick-or-treating on the same day as Halloween here, which i think is stupid, so we'll hafta figure out when the nearest towns are doing their so I know when to have D's costume made by. He still wants to be a skeleton.
We had a full bed lastnight, the four of us, plus one big black cat.
I visited my friend Jill, and though I had a nice time while I was there, I can really see myself spending a whole lot of time with her in the future. She just holds a whole different set of beliefs that she runs by than I do, and I find it very difficult not to pass judgement on her.
I guess i hsould continue with my day, I need to do some schoolwork with D, and take a shower.
I'll post the pictures I have from everything so far sometime...not sure when.

Tuesday, October 09, 2007

Long Drive

So we left on Friday morning, after a bit of a fiasco with the hook-up (re hook-up I should say) of the UHaul. We went out on Hwy 33, down to Rock Creek and then a little dinky one gaurd border crossing. The guy seemed to think he was like god, for an old guy.
We stopped somewhere's in Washington and went to a Wal Mart to pick up some snacks, and a couple of "road toys" for the boys. We stayed in Missoula Montana the first night at this real expensive Hotel with shitty service and an indoor waterslide. Proceeded to drive through snow and junk to the other end of Montana, then spent the night in the north of South Dakota where we just basically slept and drove. We then continued to drive straight through from there to Here...
I hat Chicago. We got minorly lost in Chicago, and had a bitch of a time getting through it cause of all of the tolls, and stinkin construction.
I'm still real tired, as things haven't slowed down at all since we've gotten here.
Went shopping yesterday for the foods we prefer and toiletries and such and also squeezed (and I mean squeezed) a visit in with Mike.
Today we went to visit Grandpa Klusty, and Josh & Acettee.
I'm stinkin tired, and have given a time limit for bullshit of a week, then i refuse to put up with it anymore. I suppose we'll be here for a couple of weeks by the sounds of it.
We'll get the keys to the place, but I took a peek at it today on our way by and it's in bad who knows how much cleaning I'll need to do inside before it's habitable.
I told Chance I expect a birthday cake from the boys that's home-made...sprinkles, funky icing...the whole bit.
I have only just now talked to Jill on the telephone this evening, and am hoping to head to her house tommorow night for a couple of nights, to take a break from the chaos of having too much to do.
I'm feeling rather annoyed at the world today...

Thursday, October 04, 2007

Busy Busy Busy

So yesterday we went and got the trailer, shopped for the minor things we needed for the trip and such.
Went to Parenting Group with D, and had fun :o)
Today it's just a matter of sorting out what's mom's and ours, and putting the clothing boxes in the trailer.
Today I've been trying to keep the house in relative order, who knows if it's working or not though.
Packing clothes, doing dishes, laundry...yadah yadah.
I'm hoping to go to Baby Group, maybe not stay for the whole thing, but at least to drop off the books I borrowed from them. I also wanted to go to Blockbuster to rent a movie or two for the trip (just planning on mailing them back if I can't return them to a store in the states) and also planning on doing a big trip to the Salvation Army after we get the truck back (it's in the shop getting front end work done) and dropping off a bunch of furniture, clothes, and toys and such.
Hopefully today won't have any fiasco.
If I were a person who believed in signs...

Tuesday, October 02, 2007

Oh My God...

Today was just raining shit on us.

The power went off about quarter after 11 this morning, while Hunter and I were in the shower. He kept looking at the lights expecting them to come on, but since they had already been flickering all morning, I figured they wouldn't come back on sooner or later.

Sure enough, the flicked off and refused to pop back on. Then along with that something was wrong with phone line. So, the phones weren't working, I didn't have a regular working radio (battery operated), and no phone service. nevermind the fact that I had no stroller and it was raining.

I was stranded.

So, after getting us dressed in the dark from the shower, I brought us out to the living room (brightest spot) and waited. I decided that if noone came to rescue me by noon, that I was taking Kimmie's van and going down to the school.

5 minutes to noon mom walked in, and asked how we were doing...and informed us that the power was out down at her office as well. Joy.

So, we loaded ourselves up in the car, and headed to the school to checkon D. Once we got there chaos had hit them in a bad way, as they had decided to ship all the children home (all 39 of them :oD ) and were all frantically trying to phone parents and emergency contacts on their cell phones as their phone service was out as well.

So, I got my cheque from them (unfortunately they didn't have enough cash) and headed into Kelowna where there was power.

Listening to the radio they said that the power was out clear down to parts of Summerland, and that it wasn't expected to come back on until 6pm.

We did a few things in town before deciding both boys needed a nap and headed home, where sure enough, both boys fell asleep in the extended trip home. They had flaggers and police-men outside at intersections to prevent traffic from backing up as bad as it did at first, which made it go quicker.

Got home to find Chance home, and then fiasco's began with the truck, trailer, and various cash incomes. Suffice to say we were screwed over on all three accounts.

In any event, if we can get everything to go our way tommorow we may be able to leave by Friday.

Frustrating to say the least.

in any event, I napped with Hunter, and I feel a million times better now, even though it did take them an extra 45 minutes to turn the power back on.

Monday, October 01, 2007

Ok...I feel better now.
I guess mebbe I just needed to get that off my chest to move on with my night.

I'm so annoyed.
I realize Chance is giddy from excitment that he's finally winning, but if he's gonna go through with this he's supposed to make sure everything is done, not tick off.
Once again he's out saying good-bye to his countless friends (and yes this sounds bitter for a reason) when there's things to do here.
I find it really annoying, that I've only gona out once for a good-bye session, and that's all I get.
I admit, I could've gotten more, but I know darned well that if I were to go and say good-bye to anyone they're ALL going to tell me what an idiot I am (though I agree) for making this move. The last thing I want is to know just what I stupid decision I'm making for the sake of easiness.
I don't want to move, but the only other choice is seperation, and even if we were to seperate I know darned well Chance would not want to be overly far from his kids, which would ensue a visitation rights battle, an angry someone pointing fingers at me cause I threw a wrench in all his perfect plans.
I'm taking the easy way, I admit it. I feel defeated because I just don't have the energy to fight anything back, no energy to see myself as really worth sticking up for. I feel poisoned because I know once I get down there I'm going to have to put forth an "honest effort" (even though he never did me that glory) to "try" and make it work, even though it's never really worked from the beginning. I have to give everything just so I can turn and walk away...and feel justified in doing so.
I hate myself for moving, I despise the person I see in the mirror because she's weak, and stupid and taking the easy way. I despise the person in the mirror because despite all better judgement I'm just saying ok, you take my life if you want it.
I'm tired, I'm exhausted...and the only thing I have to look foreward to is holding a new baby girl when she gets here.
I'm taking my sons away from culture, from the beauty of the mountains, from everything I love about my life...for what? For the word that someday life will get better.
Suck it up, and move on so other people can enjoy what I've created.
I'll get hand-me downs, and no choices in which colour is which, and the kids will go to whatever school is convenient, and they'll learn that money is everything if they ever want to be ANYthing.
I feel like I'm nothing...I feel little and worthless, and useless. I feel like even if I stayed it would be the same. I'd feel out of place, and afraid and alone. I'd feel just as lost as I feel now, because whatever was there of myself got sucked up when I found out my best friend wasn't really my best friend, and neither was my husband.
I feel empty and hollow because I'm too afraid to look inside and face myself. I want to be sucked into this hole of emptiness because it's easier.
I'm taking the easy way, and that's the bottom line.