Monday, July 16, 2007

So, what goes on between myself and my husband is supposed to be private right? But what am I supposed to do about me?
I missed my last two counselling appointments, and this week's will probably be cancelled again because Chance is supposedly starting work with Art tommorow, and mom's on a payroll week and I don't have money to put the kids into daycare for any length of time.
This last bit has been so frustrating, shifting scheduals, no scheduals, and really cranky kids.
I'm truly hoping I can get us back on track, both finacially and with the kids.
I hope I can figure a way to get to my appointments, or I'm gonna hafta resort to friends, instead of a counsellor.
I can see the person I amnow, and I just don't like who is there. I'm this tired woman who doesn't want to do anything but sleep, and who doesn't have the motivation to get things done like I used to. It's not the way that I am, and I know that. I know that I've put weight back on, both from eating and inactivity.
I'm not the best parent that I can be right now, and I'm just not happy about that. I hope I can get my ass in gear and ignore the bad to survive once again.
Life always goes on, and that's a comfort to me, that is the driving force behind me, and it's up to me to make it the best I can and I've been lazy.
I so badly want to do some sewing, and organizing what's out right now, but I just haven't got the few spare minutes, the spare minutes I have I've been wasting.
I'm stressed abou the reunion and about our finances, cause my budget figuring hasn't been a happy one, and I'm screwing the pooch from every angle.
I need to catch up on all my bills that I put off because Chance wasn't working, and I need to get my sorry ass a job. Then I need to enroll D into Kindergarten cause I want to get him into Sensisyuesten it's gonna cost me like, 250 per month.
I'm old enough to take care of my own resposnsibilities, and I know I'll make it work, but this is seriously toxic.

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