Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Disappointment, Women, & Fighting

Mr hit the Dr's yesterday ($75 bux for the visit, plus another 19 for the prescrip) and found out he has Bronchitis. Thankful we caught it early, sad he is feeling so yucky.

I always find it difficult to get the wind back in my sails after hearing Immigration news. Only because I know that anything to do with them takes forever, and we'll always be forced to find extreme ways to make it work.
Mr and I are busy trying to find ways to distract ourselves from being completely depressed by the situation we've gotten ourselves into. It's fortunate that I can understand that from him now, otherwise I may be angry with his coping mechanism.

Let's spell this out.
We have a six month wait (at a minimum) from when we file for him (god only knows where those fees will come from) before they will consider him eligible for work.
He got an FBI background check while we were still in Ohio to save us some time, not realizing that they were only good for 3 months from the original date they were completed. The (only) Immigration Dr in town isn't available to see him until the end of August, the same day the FBI forms expire. Drastic measure will now need to be taken, and we may need to send him down to Vancouver now (a 5 hour drive) to see the other closest Immigration Dr to us.

I haven't found a job yet, and with how dry the market is for someone with no "real" experience (meaning I know lots of stuff, just not enough of everything to paste on a resume) in any real field of employment except for cleaning, I'm afraid that I won't find a job at all.
My kids are sensing our tension, and I feel a failure at what to do with them, because I'm lacking the brain power to suck it up right this very moment.
Praying that my moments of despair pass quickly, so that I may be the parent my children need.
Oh my god, it's awful how hopeless this all feels.

I haven't had a decent conversation, in which I can be my normal self with my husband, in what feels like ages. Have barely had a moment alone with him. I miss my husband dearly. I miss his laughter, and his humor, and just the pleasure of being quiet with him long enough to hear the random thoughts in his brain.

After coming back, it's apparent to see that my relatives are waiting to take my lead, as to how to behave towards us as a married couple (considering the state of our marriage when we left, I'm surprised they're being nice at all). I'm trying so hard not to let them persuade me to turn back into that girl I was before. I'm an adult married woman, and have been for the last 8 years. I may have left BC on bad terms, but have since come to grips with what it actually means to me to be married. I've had no decent model to build that on, and have come to realize (amazingly) that I love my husband, and don't need a reason why. Because I love him it's my family's duty to at the very least, respect him as well.
In my family women rule the roost, and damn you if you don't automatically fork that respect over, because you'll be cut down in any way they can just to make sure their point is driven home. The ladies in my family did it all on their own, and I know I could if I needed to as well...but I don't need to. I've found this fantastic man to share my journey with, and I'm perfectly happy being the one who's not afraid to admit that I need a solid rock to lean on, and I'm also not afraid of letting him get to that part of me that's the most vulnerable. I have finally come to realize who comes first to me. before my family came my children and husband come before any extended family.
All of this is not to say that my behaves in any way less than respectable, but it's something that I need to affirm in myself, to keep my feet on steady ground as it were. I will not slip into past habits, and let tradition or anything of the like, swallow me during my struggle.
I've grown up, and I'm better than that.
But dear lord, why does this stuff have to be so damned hard?
I'm so very tired of fighting and struggling...when will this fight end?

8 thoughtful remarks:

Ama said...

Partners should always be a complement to each other and it seems that the two of you are. I know it's difficult when you are in a position to live with other adults, especially when it's your parents, but it's not impossible. I certainly agree with the respect portion of that. We all have grown from our experiences and it can be very easy to slip back into old familiar habits. Your focus is your children. Prepare them for the upcoming school year by registering and giving them something to look forward to and perhaps that will ease some of the stress. One day at a time may also help you both from becoming overwhelmed and too disappointed. Hugs to you all!

TentCamper said...

great post!! I just posted something fairly similar. I know exactly how you are feeling...the no job, worries at every corner, many kids to care for, family that does not sympathize ...but a partner that IS my equal and we balance each other perfectly.
Keep it cool! It will work out.

Osbasso said...

I don't know any of the prior history from when you left, but you need to hang on to the things you gained while you were away. Don't let anyone knock you down!

Good luck on the job front. It's bound to be tough for a bit, but I don't doubt for a minute that you'll all come through it with flying colors!

Bud Weiser, WTIT said...

I wish you guys were having better luck. While 10 hours of driving are ridiculous, you gotta do what you gotta do. I took a courser once on b eefing up resumes. If you want and help - let me know. Hope the Mr. is feeling better.

Janet said...

I hope that it ends soon for you...and that there's a bright and shiny rainbow when it does! Hugs!

Ragtop Day said...

What a great post. I could really empathize with relating to your family differently as a married woman. It sounds like your marriage may have been on the rocks at one point, and that your family may have been into "Mr. bashing". I love that you have found your way in your marriage - that you discovered and are happy with what being married means to you. (I never got there in my own, now dissolved) marriage.) Your family, who love you, need to show that love by respecting you in your marriage, and by association, your husband. There can be no compromise on this. That's on them, not on you.

I am hopeful that the immigration situation is able to be resolved with the most minimal amount of stress and cost possible. I also hope you are able to find a job. I used to help people write resumes as part of my job - I'd be happy to look yours over if you want!

Nietha said...

baby steps!

Hepburn Hilton said...

So sad to read that things have been hard since the return to Canda. I hope things are better now. I think you need to keep in mind that even if you family was hostile at some point (maybe if things were difficult with you nad mr at some point in the past), they probably was just sticking up for you and still is. And most likely only wants you to be ahppy! If they see that you are, they will come around.