Friday, October 09, 2009

I Suck.

I'm feeling kinda tired, which leads me to feeling stressed.
I'm beating myself up. I'm drowning myself in guilt.
Was out at Baby Group with H yesterday. Got a call from the school, asking me to come and pick D up because he had a toothache.
I've been a bad mom.
I knew before we left Ohio (May, if anyone's counting months) that there was something wrong with that tooth. Mr has been at me and at me to get him to the dentist. I just kept putting it off.
I picked D up from the school, and frantically phoned a dentist or two to get him seen that afternoon, as it's a long weekend this weekend.
I must say I'm not impressed with my first choice of a Dentist. He refused to see D completely, because he was afraid of needles 3 years ago...when he was 4. He refused my emergency phone call because he was too little back then, and won't even give it a try now. I'm so angry at this I can't even begin to describe it. While some think I should go and give him a piece of my mind, I prefer to be vindictive (and sure, it's probably not the best course of action) and tell every parent I can get my words on, about this horrible in-action.
I found one who would see him, and got him in. The verdict was that he has a nasty infection, a yucky abscessed tooth, that's bad enough to warrant the removal of it, and the one behind it.
Oh my god, I'm such a bad parent.
I totally put my own selfishness before my child. I took my child and his health for granted.
He was up for four hours lastnight, writhing and crying in pain. I felt completely helpless. He didn't go to school today. He's on two rounds of antibiotics until the 22nd when he goes in for the extraction.
There was no excuse for my lack of action. There were a few words exchanged after we got the news, and they hurt, because they were true, and I completely deserved them.
I can't stop thinking about how bad I truly suck right at this particular point in time.
I've given myself the bad mom award.
I can't stop thinking about how much I suck right now.

4 thoughtful remarks:

Anonymous said...

don't beat yourself up. You are not z bad mom.

Stuff happens!

Autumn said...

awww honey, it happens to all of us at some point. really. you are awesome! just ride it out and all will be well again. (((hugs)))

Bud Weiser, WTIT said...

I raised four kids. My daughter (who has two kids) said once, "Dad, you and Mom always had it together. I'm always winging it and make mistakes." I said, "We were winging it too. You were too young to notice." She laughed. And it's true, No parent is perfect...

Anonymous said...

procrastination over a tooth doesn't make you a bad mumma!

i can appreciate your mother-guilt cause we all get it, but it is unfounded.

i hope your little guy recovers fast!