Wednesday, August 03, 2011

Passings & Yes, I'm Still Here

It's a strange turn of events here in Never Never Land.
I've had my kids here for the last 5 days, and they'll be leaving in the a.m. I've had a fantastic time, and really got to enjoy all they had to offer me.
While I'm still in ups & downs and everywhere in between, I feel so much more balanced than i have in a long while, and am even able to see a small glimmer of hope.
While the events that landed me in the hospital last weekend are still with me, I know that I'll need to eventually sort them out, and am considering laying charges against the person/s responsible for putting me there.
It was a huge wake up call, and while it sucked surviving my way through it, I'm still here. For whatever reason...cause I've yet to figure it out.
I've gotten some sun on me this weekend, and have a slight tan...not that I really need one.
Have had two meetings with my therapist, who seems to really enjoy my company. Though I have to say that I don't care much for my A&D counsellor given the comment he made to me on our first meeting of "I'll bet you can get anything you want with that smile, can't you?" Kind of an assholish thing to say to someone in crisis if you ask me. I'm thinking I may not make a return trip to see him.
I'm glad I'm aware of my needs, and know where to go to ask for help, but am still a little frazzled that it's taken this long to get the help I asked for in the first place. I'll be looking to extend my EI through September, to avoid filing to Income Assistance a bit longer. I don't feel up to keeping a job, and am considering asking the Psychologist to writ eme up a note when I see him for our second appointment.
I'm texting like there's no tomorrow, and have been getting a lot of flack for being so connected to my phone, but int he past month alone it's managed to save my life at least once, if not more by keeping me connected with those that love me most, so I'm content to keep it glued to my hand.
Imagine me at 5am phoning to for an ambulance ride to the hopsital so I can come down & withdraw in a safe place, away from those would be able to give me access to the drug I was craving. My phone is always there for me.
Am contemplating taking some time up in Clearwater, to possibly sort through my belongings and purge what I can. The kids & Mr are moving again at mid month, and I'd like to make it easier on them by getting rid of what I really don't need.
An In-Law family member passed away last week as well. Kinda took a large spark with them, as I felt close kinship to them, and know that I will miss them dearly. I've been a part of that family for 10 years now, and I've come to understand that despite circumstances, I will cherish them all for as long as I live. The hardest part of knowing of this passing, was that a)I knew I would never get a hug from them ever again, and b)was not able to attend the funeral.
I guess I need to file for my passport to avoid this from happening again...and stock away for one such emergency.

1 thoughtful remarks:

Ama said...

Comment concerning the counselor who made the remark to you about "your smile;" bring it to the attention of the director of the place and request a different counselor. Don't let one person keep you out of services you truly need. Imagine how many others have just not gone back and were truly in need as well...