Tuesday, August 31, 2010

Resting and Recuperating

It's been an adventure. I'm so ready for this to just stop.
I'm at the verge of a breakdown, or according to my research in the middle of one(depending on which site you visit).
Here I am, attempting to arrange treatment for myself.
I'm a mess.
Two weeks worth of anti-depressants is not long enough for them to kick in.
I wish there was a magic wand that could be waved over my life, and make it all magically pretty and happy.
The sad reality is, it's the farthest thing from it.
I'm much harder on myself than I ought to be, and it's starting to show.
I need support. I need love. I need someone to take care of me.
I feel like a child. I feel incapable. I feel completely unhinged.
I really want to curl up and tuck myself away from the world.
I've taken a leave from work. Just shy of 6 months at this agency, and I've taken a leave.
While I did have to leave our town in a hurry, I'm happy that both of my supervisors are supportive of me in this avenue. I'm glad they both understand. It makes it easier.
Here's hoping I can find someone to treat me, and the ability to ensure this treatment can continue once I got home.
I'm hoping I can make it through this.

4 thoughtful remarks:

Hepburn Hilton said...

As someone who has experience with anti depressents it take time before they kick in and there is more bad news. Normally you when you start, you will go down a bit further before they start giving you energy and makes you want to do stuff again... The good news is, this time you know you're getting worse because you're about to get better :) Good luck Amber!

Janet said...

You're a strong woman and I believe you can make it.

only a movie said...

Thinking of you through this. I know how tough this can be, but like Janet, I believe you are strong.

Osbasso said...

I think that it's good that YOU recognize that you need help, as opposed to having everyone else trying to tell you. Shows that you've got a good head on your shoulders.

Hope you find the answers you need and are looking for! (sorry I've missed your past couple of calls...)