Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Adventures Through The School

"Well I'm alive, I'm alive but I'm sinking in
If there's anyone home at your place, darling
Why don't you invite me in?"
Counting Crows - Rain King

I SO did not wanna get outta bed this morning, really truly and honestly. My alarm went off, and I snuggled down deeper. I hafta give the boys a bath this evening now cause it's a bath day and I was supposed to get 'em in the shower this morning but I just didn't feel up to it. Anyone ever have those days where even the mundane chores of a regular day just seem so insurmountable that it's not worth it to even attempt?

"As the day divides the night
Here we are searching for a sign"
30 Seconds To Mars -End Of The Beginning

Anyhow, got D off to school, came home and wondered how I was going to get through the day like this. Got H up and my Mr as it was his day off, got him to drive us to Speech Therapy where we agreed that it was best to discharge him, so no more speech cause H is just that smart. To be on the safe side the therapist said she'd call once a month to check that he's still progressing well, but otherwise, that's that. Yay, he's back on track, and he has finally caught on to using signs with vocalization, which is really helpful, he really only use it to accent, clarify. Funny...for a boy who used to use ONLY signs, he now only uses it when he can't explain himself clearly enough when he speaks. I've caught him on only one occasion trying to say I love you (which was our main goal), but I guess everything will come in time. He speaks well enough for me, though sometimes his words seem a bit garbled and I need a bit of help figuring it out, it works. Hooray for us!

"I know that I would never be this blue
If you only loved me half as much as I love you"
Patsy Cline - Half As Much

Came home and scooted over to the school for PKVW Reads. I signed in and went to get my first child for our reading time and her class wasn't there (we're supposed to get a phone call to inform us of changes to avoid wasted time). Went back to the office and the p/t secretary told me her teacher was sick and they had a sub AND their class combined with the other 3rd graders for a presentation from some College students. I went and asked the other teacher, and we left it up to the girl who didn't want to miss out on her presentations, which was ok. So, I went back to the Reading Station to get my things ready for the next child when the PKV Reads teacher informed me that the girl's mother didn't want her reading in the program, so next week I'll have a new student. There must be some reason why, but I can't fathom it, and it almost bothers me.

"That kinda lovin'
Turns a man to a slave
That kinda lovin'
Sends a man right to his grave
Aeorsmith - Crazy

Poor D is having a rough month in school. He's been picked on by other kids for so many silly reasons it almost seems absurd that they hurt his feelings, but they do. Children are so fragile it's difficult to keep my mind on top of it, and how best to handle each situation because I remember so clearly those same feelings while growing up. I want so badly to hug him and know that I take away the hurt that's there, but each person must make their own way. I remember so many people telling me I was too sensitive while growing up, that I always made too much of things, and just how small and stupid that made me feel. Like what I was feeling was something that I shouldn't have been feeling. I learned to stop telling because I just wasn't valid. It's not like I didn't know issues like these would arise, I just didn't think they would make me hurt so much for him. It's making these things really difficult for me to differentiate between his feelings and mine, I guess. My fear with this is that I don't want to turn him into me, but want to give him the strength to overcome and move on and face those silly things that come up with grace and not me traumatized for life by them. I so badly want to instill that strength in him, that little bit that would make him jut out his chin and and say to those people who are teasing "Yeah, so what?".
God, I hope I'm doing my job as a parent.

"About all of the things that I long to believe
About love and the truth and
What you mean to me
And the truth is baby you're all that I need"
Bon Jovi - Bed of Roses

4 thoughtful remarks:

Anonymous said...

I think you are doing a wonderful job with the boys.
And yes his feelings are hurt, and yes you feel his pain, and yes you are right he needs to find the spot where he can say 'yeah, so what'. You are right it's difficult to help him to that spot, for now be comforted that you are there for him, and are able to hug him when he hurts. Reassurance from his mom that his feelings counts goes a very long ways and when he is grown, he will remember that you hugged him, and he will hug his kid when he comes across the same situation.
'hugs', mummie

Amarie said...

I know that feeling. I was sensitive as a child, also, and still get told I'm too sensitive now. But you said the key phrase, that everybody has to make their own way. I know I had to make mine. We would probably be doing our children more harm than good if we could keep them from every little hurt, but as Mothers, it's only natural to feel the way we do. I'm sure you are doing a GREAT job.

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Anonymous said...

When children get hugs when they hurt, it validates their feelings so that they don't feel that they can't tell someone. As you said, children will stop telling when they don't feel that validation and then they stop smiling and being children.