Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Dream On

"Half my life's in books written pages
Live and learnin' from fools and from sages
You know it's true
And all the things come back to you
- Aerosmith - Dream On

I've been journalling since I was very young, writing my thoughts out to no one in particular, and what's amazing is that I've dragged them all across the country as many times as I've been. They've come in handy, with trying to figure out timelines, as I've forgotten the big things that have driven me to do the things I've done. I think my blog is like that too. I've had this blog since 2004, and I believe I had another one longer than that, and have also opened up new ones this year as well. I blog everywhere.

"No talking when I want you to listen, no talking cause it's living torture. Don't tell me what I'm trying to say to you" - Finger 11 - Sad Exchange

It's been a relatively easy week so far. Chance has been able to get up with Darius and get him off to school, allowing me the luxury of sleeping in with Hunter.
I have so much time to keep my thoughts to me, it's kind of scary. After being so hectic, all seems calm.
Ronnie took Hunter and Chance down south to visit Grandpa today, and I'm here all alone. It's so nicely quiet, and I don't have to do anything if I don't want to.
So, I've sent emails to the organizations that I had wanted to volunteer for again, and hopefully I'll be able to get my foot in the door with both of them, and with the PTO as well.
I missed my WIC appointment this morning, after I showered and got dressed I pulled out the card they sent me as a reminder and saw that it said 8:30 and not 10:30...yikes! So, I phoned and explained, and they were kind enough to squeeze me in for 1pm.
I want to finish Niamh's gift, and Pokie's as well.

"The past is gone, it went by like dusk to dawn" - Aerosmith- Dream On

I'm homesick...I want to go home. I said when I came down that I'd give it a year here, and if things didn't get better than my obligation could die right there.
I continually wonder if I will live my life obligated to others. Like I'm so afraid of taking hold of my own direction that I'd rather sit back and let others guide where I will go without voicing what's rambling through my head. I wait until something rubs me the wrong way before I voice myself.
Has my life gotten better? Has it gotten any worse? Who can say...

"Is anyone waiting at home for me? Cause it's time that will tell this tale" -Train - Hopeless

Went to the fair yesterday with R&D and the kids while Chance closed the store again. It was fun wandering around and visiting all of the animals, and Hunter enjoyed himself petting and mimicking the animals. I was beginning to wonder when he'd sprout out the animal noises that so often begin a child's language. He said Baa Baa (with a shake of the head, just like the sheep he saw), cluck cluck, and moo (while looking up at the sky). It was really cute.
The night before he heard our clock ding on the hour and said cuckoo clock (though it sounded more like coo clock clock). I'm enjoying so much encouraging his ever expanding vocabulary.

I wish I could work, and be able to help our situation, and am seeing more and more how much I deluded myself into believing that I would be able to do anything besides sitting at home when I came here. I know our lot in life to face tumultuious times, because we create it in every decision we make, and I should know that when I tread I need to do it softly and slowly.

"The dogs were barking at the new moon, whistling a new tune, hoping it would come soon, so that they could die" - Nelly Furtado - All Good Things Come To An End

1 thoughtful remarks:

Janet said...

It's tough when you have kids...your life is not your own anymore.