Saturday, July 31, 2004

Just 2 more hours...

All I hafta do is last two more hours before this fucking day is OVER. Do you hear me time?? I said O-V-E-R...and fuck you if you think differently.
Yes, I'm in a bad mood, mainly because I had to go to work today (even, thankfully, if it WAS a half day), and then came home to moving...still. I made all of two trips before Art and Marty got home, then I moved Kievs' stuff to his grandparents, and chauffered him.
THEN, when Art and Marty were ready (and when I had finished scarfing two slices of pizza), we went back to my place, and loaded up big stuff. That first trip with them was pretty funny, as they were in a fairly good mood.
I also made a trip over to storage this morning. I had packed until 12:30 this morning, and then came back to moms and crashed. I woke up at quarter to 6 this morning, and showered and went to drop off what I had packed up. I hafta say, I'm rather proud of myself. I packed up Darius' dressers, and my sewing table, and umpteen boxes. All on my own.
I have the bumps, scrapes, and pulled muscles to prove it.
Let's see...moving Battle wounds...I hit my head on the corner of the breaker box-box, then I gashed my knee when I was loading the dressers, I caught a sewing table leg to the neck, wolloped in the head from my fan, pinched my leg good with my sewing table, papercuts, tape scrapes, stubbed toes, blistered toes, scraped my leg with glass, and the trollies at the storage.
I was stupid and did all this with sandals on.
There was a bit of respite on my first trip after work. the trollies are basically just a slab of wood with four wheels, and a rope tied to the front end, and only the front two wheel turn. Kinda akward at first, but was quite fun once I got the hang of swingin it round in the paded elevator while I was riding on it. I kept thinking "I'm queen of the world! Hi Ho Orangey"
Was fun.
Damn it was friggin hot in that stupid storage. We had a unit on the third floor right next to the elevator, so it's easy to get to. It's crammed tot he hilt, and I'm not going to enjoy the hunt for my clothes, cause I know it's gonna be a pain in the ass.
Well, I'm feeling rather stressed, as I said. mainly because my husband basically abandoned me to do this shit on my own.
Met the new tenant tonight, and I was SO embaressed because I had to explain to him that the reason why there was so much stuff left was because my husband decided to go play in a softball tournament instead of helping me move, and basically left with only the minimal amount he could get away with.
His response? "What kind of a man leaves his wife to move stuff like this?" "I'm sorry, that just didn't give me a very good impression of Chance"
I felt like shit because all they did was look me up and down, and were rather snooty with me.
Gee, I'm sorry my fucked up life has gotten in your way...let me make it as easy as possible for you...I'm packing everything onto the back porch, and will keep coming back until I get it all, that way, at least it's not in your way IN the house.
I was so fucking mad when they left that I just started cramming and throwing everything into my truck...I felt like I wanted to cry, but that pissed me off more.
Why SHOULD I cry? I'm frustrated, yes, and I'm angry, and I have every right to be. Crying won't do me any good...I just hafta wait 2 more hours until this goddamned day is over. Then I can just forget about it...until my muscles decide differently of course.
My hair is greay, my face is oily, I stink, my feet and nails and fingers are dirty. I worked my fucking ass off today.
Chance called the house at some point in time, and left a message saying "I'm just calling you to see how you're doing. I'm beginning to worry that I shouldn'tve left, I shouldn'tve left so much stuff for you to do."
No shit sherlock.
Everyone I've told about him leaving for Revelstoke has said that that's about the stupidest thing they've ever heard of...and the majority of them said he didn't deserve me.
I thought we had taken a couple of steps to kind of work things out, but this has given me a whole different light on everything.

1 thoughtful remarks:

ama said...

geeeeeezzzzzz....what a process to go through to comment, but now I have another place to blog...:) now if I can just remember what all you wrote in your post. I remember the gist of it. Sounds like you did one hellavu job getting all your stuff in storage - been there, and done that; battle scars and all! With everything the two (three counting Darius) have been through these past few years, it's not difficult to see how stressed out your lives are. Although it may seem like it right now, no time is ever a waste if we get something out of it. I don't understand much of what's happened in my 43 years of living on this planet, but I can say that a lot of didn't have one iota to do with me - most times we're pawns in someone else's life story, part of the background, yet we don't even know it. We spend our lives waiting for it to be our turn in the spotlight, or hell, even a walk-on appearance, but most times we're disappointed if that's all we look for. Took me a long time to realize that I can get what I want if I reach for it. It's not easy and most times, there's barriers to overcome. There are things worth that are worth the effort, even if for a small fraction of time; but a waste? Never. You and Chance have strong wills, drives, and would be a formidable pair if you work together as a team. People can start again, but you're the only ones who can decide that. Doesn't matter what anyone else thinks or says - you're the only ones who matter. Don't feel inferior to anyone else either. We all have our talents, strengths, and contributions to make in this world. No one is better than anyone else. Afterall, we're all human beings who got here the same way. Not one of us is immortal, yet there are those who live and think as if they are. They are the ones who lose out in the end.