Thursday, December 22, 2011

The Gift of Sight

What a ride this month has been.
I visited an Optemetrist recently. I had planned on getting myself a new pair of glasses for a Christmas gift, since I broke my last pair back in June, & have been wearing an old pair since.
I chose a convenient Dr who had a registration page that you could fill out & email online, then made my appointment. Their office was bright & treny, with a friendly helpful staff. I went through a course of tests before I went in to actually see the Dr. 3 different types of eyes scans & those air puffer thingies. Anyhow, they took some digital pictures of my eyes, and when the Dr came in to adjust my prescription, he examined me further. First he dialated my eyes, then did a further exam requiring bright lights & scopes peering eerily innto my pupils while I resisted the urge to blink.
He decided to send me to a specialist because he saw some shadows on my retinal pictures, and upon further investigation appeared to be what he feared were "tears" in my retinas.
He specifically said that it was urgent that they be repaired as soon as possible, and if it wasn't remedied, could result in a "detatched retina". Ok, after hearing those two words and grasping their meaning, I basically floated out of there in a wave of shock & made my way home.
They stated that I could expect a call in 2-3 days from the specialist to arrange an appointment. After a bit of a kafuffle I got in to see them yesterday.
I must say I dislike having my pupils dialated. It results in wicked migraine headaches in which nearly everything hurts. It hurts to open my eyes, sounds are amplified & echo, my muscles are tensed up and difficult to relax. It is a very unpleasant feeling.
After an exam from the specialist, the Dr stated that I had a "significant" amount of retinal thinning & tears/holes in both of my eyes. He also stated that it's possible that even with lasering to remedy the ones he can identify, it won't guaruntee that another tear or thinning spot won't just appear and detach my retina, rendering me blind. In short, he explained that this was an eventuality, rather than taking a "preventative measure".
It puts into perspective the gift that sight is. I'm grateful to see, and grateful for those things that I have witnessed.  I'm grateful I can see my children, and enjoy the expressions on their faces.
I'm not afraid of blindness, and am completely certain that it would not slow me down in least. Having never had experience with the world of the blind, I'm unsure what sort of services or training that sort of thing would require. Learning a new way to read and write & such would be interesting...but I'm most grateful for the fact that it would allow me to get a dog! My very own dog, who would be faithful to just me!
So, I'll be going in to see the Specialist in two separate appointments to have each eye lasered, and was told to expect pain, for which I should take Tylenol before I attend. Afterwards, any sort of head injury that I could sustain, has the possibility of rendering me blind. I understand that it's an eventuality, and I'm ok with it. I'm worried about the when. I'm sure I'll come to grips with that eventually as well.
Right now, I find I'm afraid to close my eyes to sleep, for fear of waking up blind. While I know this is irrational, I also know I just need to work my way through it.
So, I'm enjoying my holidays with the boys, and living my life day to day. For the time being that will be enough, because I know that my proccess is slower than most.
Right now, I'm enjoying the gift of sight.

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