Friday, July 16, 2010

Catching Up

My internet at home is having difficulties getting off the ground. We've had the local serviceman out to our home twice. Annoying. It may be something malfunctioning with my computer, as opposed to their equipment. Great, another comp expense I don't care to fork out for.

Anyhow. Suffered a meltdown at work this week, or rather, because of work. Had a particularly rough day at work, and hadn't realized it until I started pouring it all out to my MIL over the phone. I find it truly amazing just how much I blind myself sometimes. I just hadn't wanted to acknowledge that the situation I witnessed that day had really bothered me.
I'm continuing to push to be trained at work, as this current situation has really opened my eyes to how important it is for me to address concerns in the homes I am visiting on a regular basis. Not only am I there to address concerns, but I'm there to identify them as well. I've not yet acquired the knack of addressing them calmly without being able to bite back the god-awful judgments that I want to call down on them for.
A series of meetings all this week have helped me to address the issues, and form a plan of action that I am comfortable with implementing without assistance.
It is continually shocking to me that I still love my job, the people I work with, and the people I visit.
I am here to help them, and if I'm not doing it, I feel so disappointed, and nearly responsible.
I've always been too hard on myself when it comes to my own expectations.
That being said, at least it's come to light that I really do need to lighten up a bit. :o)
My mom is coming out for the weekend to be a vendor at the local Farmer's Market. My Gramma & Grandpa & their dog will be coming as well. So much for not entertaining through July. I'm happy with it though.
I was extremely depressed over how my home looked for the first two weeks we were in our new house, for whatever reason (you can add them all up and understand, but I'm not going to list them) and it has finally passed. My home is starting to look more like a home and less like a motel.
Mr's friend dropped off a kitchen table and four chairs for us, and I nearly kissed him for being such a dear, but I restrained myself.
I got the toys sorted out between the boys' rooms lastnight, and cleaned the bathrooms. The dishes are a constant eyesore, but oh well, just need to keep on top of them.
I've spent this week telling my kids how much I appreciate them for being them. I've been giving them extra hugs, feeding them extra food and tweaking their adorable chubby cheeks.
The family I visited this week had none of those things. The hardest part of that was knowing I'm the first stop before The Ministry (Or Child Protective Services) is called in to remove the children. I'm terrified when I consider that. I'm untrained. I possess a lot of common sense, yes, but that isn't enough to be considered professional enough to prevent child it?
Am spending today in the office sorting through different resources that have been passed my way, attempting to figure out what I can use and what I can't.
I'm feeling a bit more settled, a bit more comfortable...and, despite all of my belly-aching, I'm happier than I've been for a long time. Things are going smoothly, and despite my hindrances with my job, I know I'm secure in it, and the fact that my entire family is happy at the same time is speaking volumes to me.
I'm counting my blessings and holding them dear. Life is good.

2 thoughtful remarks:

Ama said...

You're doing the right thing about being persistent is your request for training. Your job is very important and critical. I can only imagine how lost you must feel in trying to provide services to your families and feeling so ill-equipped. The love you have for your job will keep you pushing for the best practice in serving them. I truly hope your supervisor sees that a terrific asset, not only for the organization, but for the families you assist. I'm cheering for you...let me know if I can point you in a direction. Meantime, I'll continue to keep my eyes open for resources...

Osbasso said...

As ever...hang in there!