I've officially been here in Ohio for one week now. Kinda sad.
Everyone keeps asking me if I like it here, and if I ever plan on going back home. Duh. It's tough not to answer that sarcastically, and though I try to avoid sounding bitter I doubt I'm coming off much better.
I've been trying to organize what's in the room, so everything that we need is within reach, and still have the place look relatively tidy.
We haven't done anything overly important, but we've still been really busy. We've gona visiting, and shopping, and yesterday we had a BBQ here at the house.
Went to a local pumpkin patch on Saturday to pick out some pumpkins, and walked away with 7! (at 1.50 each) At that rate I'd love to go back and get more to make pumpkin statues or something. We shall see though. They had hayrides available, as well as a petting/feding area (about 6 animals), face painting, a playground (advertisement for the Amish who make them), a concession or three, a straw maze, and a couple of sheds (more advertising) that had ppl selling stuff in them. Was fun for a couple of hours with the family.
I'm almost beginning to get cabin fever, but not quite. It's more that I have yet to leave the house un-escorted. I know it's not intentional, but it feels like it is.
Course, I could be hormonal too.
Lastnight was the first night I was up late instead of Chance. I was doing laundry and figured I hsould stay up until it was finished, so I watched a couple of movies while I waited. By then middle of the second movie though the house reeked like septic. It was yucky, and I almost couldn't sleep. I was very tempted to crack a window, but I didn't. When i woke up the smell was gone, so Don fixed the problem while I slept, which was nice.
We're sposed to go do more shopping today, am hoping to get some pants for the kids (I sorted through b4 we left and now I can't find pants for either boy) and maybe a new winter coat (I'm tired of mine after only 4 years) or a new pair of shoes.
I dunno what the day will bring, but hopefully some good news.
I so hope we're in our own place for Halloween so I can decorate as much as D wants to, and so he's not so confused about where his home is.
They don't do trick-or-treating on the same day as Halloween here, which i think is stupid, so we'll hafta figure out when the nearest towns are doing their so I know when to have D's costume made by. He still wants to be a skeleton.
We had a full bed lastnight, the four of us, plus one big black cat.
I visited my friend Jill, and though I had a nice time while I was there, I can really see myself spending a whole lot of time with her in the future. She just holds a whole different set of beliefs that she runs by than I do, and I find it very difficult not to pass judgement on her.
I guess i hsould continue with my day, I need to do some schoolwork with D, and take a shower.
I'll post the pictures I have from everything so far sometime...not sure when.

Long Drive

So we left on Friday morning, after a bit of a fiasco with the hook-up (re hook-up I should say) of the UHaul. We went out on Hwy 33, down to Rock Creek and then a little dinky one gaurd border crossing. The guy seemed to think he was like god, for an old guy.
We stopped somewhere's in Washington and went to a Wal Mart to pick up some snacks, and a couple of "road toys" for the boys. We stayed in Missoula Montana the first night at this real expensive Hotel with shitty service and an indoor waterslide. Proceeded to drive through snow and junk to the other end of Montana, then spent the night in the north of South Dakota where we just basically slept and drove. We then continued to drive straight through from there to Here...
I hat Chicago. We got minorly lost in Chicago, and had a bitch of a time getting through it cause of all of the tolls, and stinkin construction.
I'm still real tired, as things haven't slowed down at all since we've gotten here.
Went shopping yesterday for the foods we prefer and toiletries and such and also squeezed (and I mean squeezed) a visit in with Mike.
Today we went to visit Grandpa Klusty, and Josh & Acettee.
I'm stinkin tired, and have given a time limit for bullshit of a week, then i refuse to put up with it anymore. I suppose we'll be here for a couple of weeks by the sounds of it.
We'll get the keys to the place, but I took a peek at it today on our way by and it's in bad shape...so who knows how much cleaning I'll need to do inside before it's habitable.
I told Chance I expect a birthday cake from the boys that's home-made...sprinkles, funky icing...the whole bit.
I have only just now talked to Jill on the telephone this evening, and am hoping to head to her house tommorow night for a couple of nights, to take a break from the chaos of having too much to do.
I'm feeling rather annoyed at the world today...

Busy Busy Busy

So yesterday we went and got the trailer, shopped for the minor things we needed for the trip and such.
Went to Parenting Group with D, and had fun :o)
Today it's just a matter of sorting out what's mom's and ours, and putting the clothing boxes in the trailer.
Today I've been trying to keep the house in relative order, who knows if it's working or not though.
Packing clothes, doing dishes, laundry...yadah yadah.
I'm hoping to go to Baby Group, maybe not stay for the whole thing, but at least to drop off the books I borrowed from them. I also wanted to go to Blockbuster to rent a movie or two for the trip (just planning on mailing them back if I can't return them to a store in the states) and also planning on doing a big trip to the Salvation Army after we get the truck back (it's in the shop getting front end work done) and dropping off a bunch of furniture, clothes, and toys and such.
Hopefully today won't have any fiasco.
If I were a person who believed in signs...

Oh My God...

Today was just raining shit on us.

The power went off about quarter after 11 this morning, while Hunter and I were in the shower. He kept looking at the lights expecting them to come on, but since they had already been flickering all morning, I figured they wouldn't come back on sooner or later.

Sure enough, the flicked off and refused to pop back on. Then along with that something was wrong with phone line. So, the phones weren't working, I didn't have a regular working radio (battery operated), and no phone service. nevermind the fact that I had no stroller and it was raining.

I was stranded.

So, after getting us dressed in the dark from the shower, I brought us out to the living room (brightest spot) and waited. I decided that if noone came to rescue me by noon, that I was taking Kimmie's van and going down to the school.

5 minutes to noon mom walked in, and asked how we were doing...and informed us that the power was out down at her office as well. Joy.

So, we loaded ourselves up in the car, and headed to the school to checkon D. Once we got there chaos had hit them in a bad way, as they had decided to ship all the children home (all 39 of them :oD ) and were all frantically trying to phone parents and emergency contacts on their cell phones as their phone service was out as well.

So, I got my cheque from them (unfortunately they didn't have enough cash) and headed into Kelowna where there was power.

Listening to the radio they said that the power was out clear down to parts of Summerland, and that it wasn't expected to come back on until 6pm.

We did a few things in town before deciding both boys needed a nap and headed home, where sure enough, both boys fell asleep in the extended trip home. They had flaggers and police-men outside at intersections to prevent traffic from backing up as bad as it did at first, which made it go quicker.

Got home to find Chance home, and then fiasco's began with the truck, trailer, and various cash incomes. Suffice to say we were screwed over on all three accounts.

In any event, if we can get everything to go our way tommorow we may be able to leave by Friday.

Frustrating to say the least.

in any event, I napped with Hunter, and I feel a million times better now, even though it did take them an extra 45 minutes to turn the power back on.

Ok...I feel better now.
I guess mebbe I just needed to get that off my chest to move on with my night.

I'm so annoyed.
I realize Chance is giddy from excitment that he's finally winning, but if he's gonna go through with this he's supposed to make sure everything is done, not tick off.
Once again he's out saying good-bye to his countless friends (and yes this sounds bitter for a reason) when there's things to do here.
I find it really annoying, that I've only gona out once for a good-bye session, and that's all I get.
I admit, I could've gotten more, but I know darned well that if I were to go and say good-bye to anyone they're ALL going to tell me what an idiot I am (though I agree) for making this move. The last thing I want is to know just what I stupid decision I'm making for the sake of easiness.
I don't want to move, but the only other choice is seperation, and even if we were to seperate I know darned well Chance would not want to be overly far from his kids, which would ensue a visitation rights battle, an angry someone pointing fingers at me cause I threw a wrench in all his perfect plans.
I'm taking the easy way, I admit it. I feel defeated because I just don't have the energy to fight anything back, no energy to see myself as really worth sticking up for. I feel poisoned because I know once I get down there I'm going to have to put forth an "honest effort" (even though he never did me that glory) to "try" and make it work, even though it's never really worked from the beginning. I have to give everything just so I can turn and walk away...and feel justified in doing so.
I hate myself for moving, I despise the person I see in the mirror because she's weak, and stupid and taking the easy way. I despise the person in the mirror because despite all better judgement I'm just saying ok, you take my life if you want it.
I'm tired, I'm exhausted...and the only thing I have to look foreward to is holding a new baby girl when she gets here.
I'm taking my sons away from culture, from the beauty of the mountains, from everything I love about my life...for what? For the word that someday life will get better.
Suck it up, and move on so other people can enjoy what I've created.
I'll get hand-me downs, and no choices in which colour is which, and the kids will go to whatever school is convenient, and they'll learn that money is everything if they ever want to be ANYthing.
I feel like I'm nothing...I feel little and worthless, and useless. I feel like even if I stayed it would be the same. I'd feel out of place, and afraid and alone. I'd feel just as lost as I feel now, because whatever was there of myself got sucked up when I found out my best friend wasn't really my best friend, and neither was my husband.
I feel empty and hollow because I'm too afraid to look inside and face myself. I want to be sucked into this hole of emptiness because it's easier.
I'm taking the easy way, and that's the bottom line.