Monday, July 04, 2011

Long Weekend

I'm lost. One day I gain sight, one day I lose sight. I have an idea of what I'm doing, and I know when harm is in my path. My choices are clear, but I'm afraid to make them.
I've finished taking a 10 day program for coping skills, and have received a referral to both an anxiety group and 1-1 counselling for my depression, as well as done an intake for counselling surrounding assault.
It was a long weekend. I couldn't bring myself to celebrate Canada Day because I didn't have my kids with me. I didn't go out and enjoy all of the festivities that were available, or watch the fireworks, or visit the fair. I couldn't. I faced the fact that I couldn't bear to watch happy families. Instead, I joined a friend for a BBQ with some of the most amazing home-cooked food I've ever tasted in my entire life, watched some movies & had a sleepover.
Right now I'm focusing on turning my bedroom into my haven of security. It's a small project, it's within my means, and it's something to keep me focusing on the here and now.
I've lost weight, though I'mj unsure how. I've purchased a bus pass for this month on the local transit, and really have begun to enjoy riding the busses here, despite the fact that it takes hours for me to get home when I do take them.
Life is moving, slowly but surely. I'm curious where it'll take me.

1 thoughtful remarks:

Osbasso said...

The best part to read here is that you're not trying to make excuses or hide. Nothing says you have to celebrate with lots of people, either. Slow and steady with baby steps. I have faith in ya!