Monday, February 28, 2011

I'm tired.
I had a training workshop in the big town today for Facilitating something for Success By 6. It was good, and I feel I will be able to apply it to some of my families.

I'm lonely. I've asked that we not have company over for the time being, as I was witholding some issues from Mr, and they unintentionally coming out when we had guests under the guise of witty sarcasm. I know when things start coming out like that that I need to step back and work through them until I'm more comfortable.
It seems like I cycle through stages like this. I feel healthy, and I feel good about the flow of things, and something set me off, and I clam up. I stop talking, I stop reaching out, and I retreat into myself for safety's sake.
I've not visited with anyone but my Gramma, and a friend of Mr's in over a month now. I'm not reaching out and chatting with people jovially, and showing how strong I am by carrying on. I'm living in shadows and spending time in books, and retreating farther away from what's here.
I know where it's stemming from. I know what's causing it. I just don't want to talk about it.
of course...that tension is carrying on to other aspects of my daily life, and I can feel the whole house tensing up with me. I don't like it.
There's never a good time to bring up what I want to bring up. I know this.
Tonight, I'm just tired. Rather than talk about it, I'm going to get the kids ready for bed, then I'll do the same. Maybe things will look better in the daylight.

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