Sunday, December 06, 2009

Ah F*** It

It's been a long weekend.
It was an eventful week.
Mr is working his way through the small amount that is the acting world in K-Town. He was cast as an extra for a house party scene in a teen horror flick being shot in town. He spent Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday on the set in the evenings. Thursday night I allowed him to drag myself and a couple of friends along. They left before the shooting began, a full four hours after we got there. I was pretty tired and near useless on Friday.
The owners left town this weekend, and left us chickens to run the cafe. Saturday I officially lost it at work for the first time since we started. I was flustered and near useless again. I'm blaming a low blood sugar, as I hadn't really eaten before the meltdown happened. Thank goodness I had a fabulous group of co-workers to help me out afterwards. One sat with me and made sure I ate, one took care of the register, and one made the food. Each took turns checking in on me.
For the second weekend in a row, one of our boys is sick and throwing up. The only person who hasn't been sick in the house now is Mr. I'm hoping it stays that way.
Making a checklist of things to do tomorrow during the day before I head to work. Put up the Christmas Tree, decorate a bit, call a therapist and make an appointment, cut out what I'd like to make for gifts for Christmas, and possibly plan how I'd like to do our Christmas Cards for the year.
I'm tired, and that eggshell feeling has reared it's ugly head again. My coping mechanisms haven't really improved either, causing a fabulous rift in the relationship between Mr & I. I don't want to talk about what's going on, and I don't want to try and explain anything. The few times I've tried have resulted in me feeling so frustrated that it's not getting through that I just stomp away like a child. Yup...I'm just not up to the task to deal with everything that built up during the time I was focusing on myself. Unfortunately, the world does not revolve around me, as I'd like to believe. Also, it doesn't just stop like I'd like it to. There's no time to mix everything in the pot and let it simmer cause with what's poking out right now really needs to be dealt with before anything gets worse that it already is. And it's bad enough to make me want to function at a very basic survival level. I seriously don't even remember what happens during my day to do, I really only get up and function and go back to sleep.
Monday we're having a meeting with the Principal & teacher @ D's school. Should be interesting.
And the shit just keeps piling up. Here's hoping I can figure out a way to manage it all before I have myself a breakdown.

5 thoughtful remarks:

Anonymous said...

Girl.. I am coming to get you!!
I so feel what you are saying....
How does it keep piling up and piling up.. I feel like I am chasing my tail on a daily basis and NOTHING gets done!! My Mr. is totally useless.. and of course 'I' can't get anything done right in his eyes.. but then again what else is new...
As far as coping mechanisms...
and you know what..
the world does revolve around you right now.. although it does not stop..( i keep asking for that wish too!)
You are the mom.. the one who is ALWAYS there.. so you are ALLOWED to rear an ugly head now and then.. but you are right.. some things need to be dealt with first...and it is not always an easy thing to do..
keeping an eye out for you..
just start jerking your head to one side cursing..and tell'em you developed Tourettes...
maybe they will all stay clear while you get your shit in place..
Hang in girl.. YOU ROCK!

Anonymous said...

Dang well it'll get better if you can hold out!

Good luck and good Juju!!

Keep your chin up!

Anonymous said...


Osbasso said...

See? Even the anonymous spam guys are pulling for you!

nwrambler said...

"Unfortunately, the world does not revolve around me..."

HOLY SH!T. When did this change?


Chin up Amber - sometimes life sucks, sometimes it sucks so much it can tear nails out of hardwood floors.

But you are a strong, resilient, intelligent, SuperMom who just needs to take time to BREATHE.

I am keeping you in my somewhat disorganized thoughts