Updates

Probly more than I can type to update.
Darius has the chicken pox. :o[ Nothing too majour, not whole body, for now it's been restricted to his shoulder and tummy. Doesn't seem to bother him too awefully much, but I did hafta call all the places we've been the last week to warn them about me having a child with the chicken pox in their facility. As it happens, it was a very busy week for us.
Am waiting impatiently for two things...the Ladies Tea that Sylvia invited me to on the 3rd, and my paycheque. Am anxious to see if I'm going to get a Christmas bonus, cause mom says that it's not mandatory.
We bought a camper trailor, the kind that goes on the back of a pick-up truck. It' been put up on our lot, and is currently waiting for us to start renovations on it. It's been completely stripped down inside, but has insulation and plastic in it. So, it's completely customizable.
It's cold here today...not any sight of snow yet. Few drops here and there, but that's it.
Was trying to get a lot of uncle's here for Christmas, seeing as gramma's coming, but no one seems able to make the effort. Rather frustrating. I can't even remember the last time we all got together for a happy occasion. I don't even think my Uncle Bill, or Wayne have ever seen mom's place. She's lived here seven years now.
I get so mad sometimes because we're family, and we should want to see each other, we should want to have some sort of a relationship, and I find some members of my family really just don't give a damn. I'll bet they didn't even notice me being gone for four years.
Well, anywho. I called gramma last week, and spent in the area of an hour and a half on the phone with her. She'll be coming for Christmas, but Ralph won't. I was hoping to drag uncle Rob down here with her, but mom says he's no socialite either. *rolls eyes* Pathetic...but whatever turns your cork.
I've put up our Christmas decorations, and the house is in full Christmas swing...am waiting until its december to turn on outdoor christmas lights.
Darius got a haircut yesterday.
He's coming out with new and cute phrases everyday, and a few not so cute ones which I've had to remind family members about...and myself.
Doing laundry today...our room is a mess. Everytime I do laundry, it sits until we can't tell which is clean, and which is dirty. *sigh*
Blah...today is a blah day. Chance, Mom, Kim, and Marty are all home today...and I don't feel like doing anything.

Wish Lists

Darius:
Big Lego Blocks ($10 at Zeller's for a small bag, we don't need a whole lot)
Spiderman Bed Set
Curtains for his room
a Leap Pad or any other learning books
Batteries in AA, AAA, and C
Blank Stereo Cassette Tapes
Fun Non-Toxic Bubble Bath
A Bath Hammock
A Back Seat Organizer for his toys
Monsters Inc
Brother Bear
Bob the Builder Movies
Big Boy Underwear 27lbs and up
Craft Items:
Fun Foam Shapes, Feathers, Sparkles, Pipe Cleaners, clay or plastacine, Felt Markers, Pain Brushes, a Smock, an Easel
Check out the Dollar Stores...I've scouted them and they've got a great selection of crafty things for a great price.
Jysk has a great selection of things, and I spotted a terrific wicker-like basket that had a lid with hinges for about 14.99 or something...would be great to hold all of these crafty things.

Me:
Music: Norah Jones, Tragically Hip, Beatles, Shrek 2, Eagles,
Nice Sweater set...(Tank and Cami)
Ankle Socks
Movie Gift Certificates
Paper-back Romance novels, prefferable like medievil stuff
Scandia Golf Passes
a Hair Dryer Stand (www.hairmade.net)
Cell Phone minutes for a Rogers AT&T Pay As You Go Phone
Make Up Gift Sets
Bath Gift Sets
(I pluralized those two on purpose)
Pack of Combs
Candles, with a couple of candle paltes
Underwear...in a size L
I'm a L and a size 10 pants
DVD's: Anything with Ashley Judd, Kill Bill 1&2, Dirty Dancing, The Life of David Gale, Man on Fire, Jackie Brown, Angelina Jolie movies, the Mr. Bean box set avaiable at Wal Mart, Red Dwarf Box Set...

Chance:
Backroad Map Books volumes 1, 4, 5, &7 (www.backroadmapbooks.com)
Boxers in a size M
Ankle socks
Undershirts (Tank style)
nice t-shirts (without a front pocket) in a size L
an Axe in decent Shape
Bathroom Material: Global Almanacs, Uncle Johns, any other fact books.
Gift Certificates for: Zellers, Movies, Crystal Mountain, XS Cargo, Future Shop
DVD's: Schindler's List, Hackers, Blood Sport, The Breakfast Club, Fast Times at Ridgemont High, any "manly" movies...gangsta movies...

I'll think up more later, guess that's all for now

Well...I don't know

So I finally started making D's costume. He's going to be a shark from Shark's Tale. Finished the body, still have mitts, shoe covers, and a hood to make. Contemplating how it's gonna work making a Shark's head...we'll see.
Week was full of ups and downs. Working on motivation.
Had a good birthday. Went out for dinner with the fam, actually talked to a girl with the name Amber Rose who was having her 19th birthday at Kelly O's. Kinda cool, kinda creepy.
Chance has faithfully put up all outdoor decorations, cept for the ones we hold valuable of course, and I've decorated our front window.
Had a good thanksgiving, got lots of pictures, played lots of games. Had a good 4x4 excursion whilst driving Steven and Pokie home.
Darius just loved Pokie. Snuggled, gabbed, and played with her. Even tried to have her put him to sleep once. He's called her since we took them home, to gab on the phone.
He's been taking a page out of Daddy's book when it comes to telephone chatting. I was talking to a friend one day, and he asked to talk to her, and when I put the phone to his ear, he grabbed it and started wandering around gabbing full tilt. When I told him to say bye bye, he almost hung up the phone before I got it away from him. He's getting very observant.
He's finally hit a majour independant streak. "Let me do it" is a very familiar phrase to hear him say now.
We painted a giant picture the other day. I stripped him down, and covered his body in paint and made various prints on the paper. Was fun. Of course, we took a shower afterwards.
Anywho...

My birthday

Well then...I turn 23 on Monday. Sheesh...I've been a mom for three years since July.
Mind Boggling.
I treated myself to a couple of things for my birthday.
I bought a handheld GPS. Chance's idea, but exciting none-the-less. It's got a rubber casing, it's waterproof, it floats, 2 AA Batteries last 14 hrs, and it's accurate to within 3 meters.
I also went to Value Village yesterday and spent 72 dollas on new clothes for myself. BOught a pair of shoes, 4 shirts, and a vest, plus 2 bras.
I am also hoping to get my hands on 2 tickets to see Bif on the 28th. She's playing at Flashbacks, and I'm rev-ed to go.
Holy schmoley time flies.

In A Pig's Eye

You know, sometimes I wonder what exactly I'm being punished for in my own life. I'm aware of the wrongs I've done, I'm aware that whatever I may or may not have done I could quite possibly be doomed for, for the rest of my life.
Maybe I'm in hell and I just don't know it.
I've prayed over the last month, for peace of mind, for wisdom, for guidance, and for patience.
How is it that I can't feel my own self worth anymore.
I work for a family that just doesn't appreciate what I do. Spend my money like yesterdays news, pretend that I don't factor in to any equation.
Maybe I don't factor in. Maybe, because I've royally fucked up my life at an early age, I don't deserve to be happy. Ever. Everytime I think I'm happy, something goes terribly wrong, and I start to wonder why I'm even alive.
I wonder why I put myself in the situation to begin with, why I let happen the things that happen. I wonder every day what I'm doing so wrong to cause myself so much heartache.
I'm coming to believe that every wrong that's happened to me, I'm derserving.
Maybe it's making me humble, miserable, lousy, useless, worthless. Take your pick. Maybe it's going to make me a better person some day, but after living with such a lousy picture for so long, I'm wondering if someday will ever come. Will someday come when Darius is grown, and makes a good choice, or get married, or graduates? Will a good choice come when I leave Darius with someone more worthy?
There's not a day that goes by these days where I don't wonder if he truly would be better off with someone else who could do more for him in life.
I do a lot for him, in his name, and because of him. That makes me better, marginally. I'm never going to be a happy person, but I can be one sometimes, if only because of him.

Almost 10 Days

Since I last updated. Hm...
Well then. Today I slept in until round 11 or so. I had stayed up late with Chance and played Star Wars Monopoly. I was doing pretty good, but in the end I forfeited because I was tired, and it was gonna take a bit to make a comeback and I didn't feel like sitting longer than the four hours I had already been.
I'm working hard on my budgeting for next month. I've almost got a plan worked out. S'about time.
Mmm...mushroom soup with crackers. Yum.