4x4-ing

Went out Saturday, with the family...and some new friends. Chance met some new ppl on a 4x4 website, and we went for our first trip out with them. Was a lot of fun. Felt real powerful travelling in a convoy of 10 honkin 4x4 trucks. Made it up the hill, down, back up a couple of times, cut our own trail (literally) and back down the mountain before heading to a BBQ in Winfield. Darius had a blast, he thought all the bumpies were funny.
Had some terrific fun discovering the real capabilities of our truck, though truthfully, I think next time I'll see if we can leave D at home cause some of the stuff we tried I wasn't completely comfortable with having him in the vehicle while doing.
Works been the usual...kinda of annoying, kind of bearable.
Took D to a birthday party of the neighbours' girl. She turned 9, and she had a bunch of other kids over. I found it rather intimidating because all these kids were so close to trampling D.
I cleaned out the truck yesterday, and Chance washed the outside.
Lost our key to the padlock we have on our storage unit, so we can't get into the fucking thing. Piss me off...with all the hot weather, I have nothing but grungy shorts to wear. All my summer clothes and shoes are in storage.
Some fucknut stole our insurance sticker from the Expedition. And the other fucknuts are telling me that I hafta pay 18 bux to get another one. Yeah...some moron stole something from me, and I have to replace it with my own money...HELLO?! Isn't that what insurance is for?!?!?
God...some days it just isn't worth it to blog cause it just works me up.
LOL

Vent

I don't particularily care if this is the right outlook to have on relationships, but the way I've always seen it, when I put as much effort into my relationships as I do, I expect at least as much in return.
I put my husband and my son before myself the majority of the time, and I don't think it's too much to ask to have it reciprocated occasionally. But I don't even get that. I've got the shit end of the deal when it comes to my husband, because I don't seem to hold any huge signifigance(sp?) in his life, other than the feact that I'm the mother of his child. No fucking respect, no fucking place but the bottom of the food chain, where-in if you're an aquaintance, your opinions, advice, and thoughts mean more to him that mine.
Respect...let's define that from my point of view:
Respect boils down to listening to what one has to say, considering the meaning of what they have to say, asking for clarification if needed, continuing to make a judgement call, and taking consequences for your actions. Whether that be, yes, the orange tie, or no to the blue shoes.
As a wife, I expect respect, considering I give plenty of it, and I expect to hold signifigance in my husbands life. I expect that I'm not making the same mistake that I did the first marriage around, because that would be fucked up, and make me a complete fucking loser...which one could call me right now anyways, given the circumstances.
Can everyone reading this tell that I'm seething with anger? I'm getting more and more fed up, and my tolerance is dropping, and it's happening a lot more these days.

Fed Up?

Put up or shut up right?
I guess I'm just sick of shutting up, and I'm tired of putting up. That little light at the end of the tunnel has grown very very dim.

That's Gotta Hurt

Yeah, so, the lawyer thing was pretty shitty. Fuck, I hate people who think they're better than you, big fuckin head on their shoulders, who think it's ok to shit on you, and walk away without even wiping.
Yeah, you can guess how that went.
Went to work yesterday, and damn it, I sat on a fucking wasp. Got stung, on my ass. how embaressing, Sylvia can't get it out cause she can't move that much, and I wasn't about to moon her husband to ask him to get it out, so the darned thing ended up staying and working it's way in. Oh, about 15 minutes after I got stung, my hands and feet swelled up, and I couldn't see, and I was having trouble breathing. Lucky me. So, for the rest of yesterday, from about 1pm onwards, I kept having waves of this feeling that I couldn't breathe, and I'd get that tingling sensation.
Yup, I'm allergic to them, so today, I'm going to go to the walk-in and ask for a prescrip for an antihistamine for this, in case I ever get stung again cause those feelings stopped just short of me passing out.
Was supposed to go out lastnight, but didn't, cause I didn't wanna drink, but I did wanna dance. Oh well.
We rented movies, Cellular, Without A Paddle, Shaun of the Dead, and the Second Star Wars, Attack of the Clones. Watched Shaun of the Dead, and was pretty funny. :o]
Am doing laundry today, got a lot to catch up on with all our clothes being covered in drywall dust. Kimmie and Chance have been busy all morning, doing some spring cleaning and such. Mom went to her new job, dunno when she'll get back from that.
So, today I don't have anything planned, though I could end up going to Mary's cause she said Ali and Terry just showed up there. *shrugs* Who knows.
Well, life goes on, yet another day. Let's see what we can do with it.

Never a Dull Moment

Well, here we go, hold on tight cause this merry go round is only going to go faster.
Had a interesting conversation tonight with someone who's been through a similar situation as me with her vehicle and dealership where she purchased it from.
Chance is going to be busy over the next few days with phone calls and consultation with lawyers.
I'm ready to take the next step.
Here's hoping I pull through relatively unscathed.

Irritated

You know, I swear...four years. I honestly don't know how I've made it this long.
I continually wonder. WTF?! My husband has a degree in Psychology and yet he's completely clueless as to how a relationship works.
A friend once told me that if I sat down and made a list of pros and cons about a relationship, that it would help me see what the big picture could reveal.
All I'm asking for is a minimum effort. I'm such a fucking pushover that I don't even get that. I'm not respected, I'm insulted because not even the minimum is done the majority of the time. Like, you don't do the little things, the small amount that I ask of you, so what does that make me?
You're fucking floormat is what.
You know, I went through this shit with Michael. I said my piece over and over again, and by the end of it, I went somewhere's where I felt they appreciated me. I went elsewhere, is the point there. Here, I'm not going elsewhere, here I would just leave. Not physically, but the relationship would be over nonetheless.
I swear to god, I'm this fucking close ----.
I'm too patient, too lenient, too easy-going, too willing to let you walk all over me.
God, I haven't even dug us out of this hole, and you're already jumping all over me to get me into another one. You want you want you want. I NEED a break, I NEED for you to grow up. If that doesn't happen, then see ya. I'm tired of this shit. Everyone in the world is laughing at me for staying with a fool who can't see what he's doing to me. Who can't see past the end of his nose, who can't see past his own desires. I laugh with them, cause I've got to be the biggest dumbass for sticking around for four years. My son is going to grow up thinkin that this is how relationships work, that this is how he should treat his wife, that this is how life is supposed to be, that he can't do anything about it.
Priorities, needs, desires, the aching ability to dream of your life untold.