God Help Me

I'm tired.
I worked my first weekend of Garage Sale by myself yesterday, and decided against it today. It was crazy, each time I got the kids settled and made it downstairs to deal with ppl, they would start screaming at each other, forcing H to be outside with me most of the day. We had a decent day overall I suppose, but I was ready for bed by 8pm. I'm disappointed today, could be just the lack of energy, but the boys' have done their best to drive me nuts today. They've succeeded, and right now I could care less if they ignore me for the rest of the eve cause I'm just fed up with them.
I'm bummed. There's still so much more to pack at home, it's nearly over whelming. I seriously don't know how it'll all fit into the UHaul. I had pared down, and pared down again, and sorted through recyclables, and garbage, It looks like I need to do a third round to help make it all fit.
We could be looking into buying a vehicle here in Ohio, as opposed to doing it in the west as originally planned. No idea if that'll work in our favor or not though.
Washer & Dryer got moved out yesterday, in the garage ready to go to the ppl who bought it.
We've been asked to seperate things out that may prove useful to FIL (who's not with MIL, they're divorced) because he's getting his own place. I'm happy for him, but I can't keep thinking about how much more work it's creating for me.
I've got to start cleaning this week, waching walls, light fixtures, windows, sills, and doing the painting touch ups. Am considering just buying paper plates & the like to use for this last frame of time, so I can just pack the stuff and get rid of it.
After this last weekend coming up, if we haven't sold stuff, we'll be donating it to the BSA Garage Sale on June 6th. Joy...more stuff I get to ship to a different place.
I've spent a majority of my life being responsible, and trustworthy, and hardworking. I truly just don't want to do it now. Too much, too much. I'm tired.
Let's top it off with needing to take care of Mr. I feel bad for him, because in spite of everything, he's still showing a strong resistance to pain meds. He's always shown a slight resistance, but it's much more evident now, since the surgery. He's still pale looking, tires easily, and really quiet. It's a huge contrast to his behaviour leading up tot he surgery. Sure, he was in pain then, but he was happy to joke & jest, fool around, or even play with the kids on the floor. He just doesn't have it in him to do so now, and I feel badly that he's missing out on such things.
I attempted to take the kids to church today on my own, and ended up leaving early. Remember how they're trying to drive me nuts?? I ended up needing to take both of them into the nursery (where they have a speaker playing the service). They started getting rowdy (normally D can go to his own class, but they were performing) and nearly hurt the other toddlers/babies in the room by throwing things around. I was so embaressed I just left. We got home, and I soothed myself a bit by doing dishes and cooking lunch, then I made them take a nap.
I'm at my wits end with them. I seriously feel like there would be nothing more satisfying than whipping them both real good, and letting them know that they need to listen or so help me god I'll give them something to fear so that they will.
Thank god tomorrow is a school day, or they'd be splashing my name in the news as a child abuser or some such nonsense.
I'm tired, maybe we'll find something quiet to do tonight to keep them from killing each other & driving me nuts. I wonder if they sell children's sedatives over the counter?
God help me, I'm in need of a strong drink and a reason to just relax. heck, I could even do with a little nookie...for relaxation purposes of course.