Ho Jo & Who I Am

Ok, first, the hotel fiasco from our last night of our trip.
We drove with the intention of stopping in Couer D'Alene and just finding a hotel on our way. It didn't quite work out that way, when we discovered just how busy it all was when we arrived. It was big on tourism, which we just didn't account for (when we really should have) and crazy expensive ($140 per night for one room).. So we continued on. Thankfully, the GPS we had, provided the phone numbers of the hotels in the vicinity, and thus my phoning began. I phoned each hotel until I found one that had a decent price on rooms that were non-smoking, and passed the info on to my trip-mates before I was able to find one and book it over the phone.
It wound up being a Howard Johnson in Post Falls Idaho. OMG. I really can honestly say that I won't ever be staying at another HoJo ever again. We walked in to a line up of ppl signing in, and after waiting for about a half an hour just to sign in, we were able to get our key and the kids and I went up to the room (that was our routine, I take them up, everyone else unloads...dunno why it worked out that way though). We went in and wandered. I sat down, and the bed creaked under my weight. Uh oh. I bounced, and the mattress complained, and just wasn't all that comfortable. We ordered extra pillows, and actually had to go down ourselves to get them. And each request we made (we were, after all, a group of 6 in one room) for extra items was met with the "god, your back again" sigh. MIL noticed gunk all over the sink & faucets. She refused to use it until it was cleaned. When I finally wandered over and looked before I agreed with her. There were splash & spit spots on the faucets that obviously hadn't been cleaned. After calling the front desk to request cleaners to either do it ourselves, or have someone else come and do it, and waiting for over 45 minutes, MIL just pulled out a sanitizing wipe and cleaned it herself. The boys arrived and unpacked for the night, before Mr and D decided to head for their pool (which was iopen 24 hrs). H and I headed down a little bit later, and when we arrived we noticed an odor. It smelled like a fish tank. The water was an odd shade of green, and it wasn't clear, like the other pools we'd been were. You actually couldn't even see through the water at all...which was kind of creepy. Not to mention the line of build up on the wall of the pool. I went in, and noticed a film on my skin, and at Mr's urging, we left. We showered to get the film off, and then headed to bed. The next morning, when it came to breakfast, I noticed the same guy who was on duty the night before, was manning the desk once again. I gathered the place was either on it's way up the chain, or on it's way down...and I don't want to wager a guess as it was just that crummy of an experience.
My thoughts on myself...It occurred to me, as I was pondering random thoughts on our drive, that I am exactly the person I've always wanted to be. In many forms, of course. When I was younger, I dreamed of being someone everyone looked up to, someone people could admire, someone with class and poise, and who had the ability to be respected within a community of people who were like-minded. I have worked so very hard on my own personality that I hadn't taken the time out to realize just who I've turned myself into.
After pondering just how sad I wa sto be leaving Ohio, I realized that I am someone who was respected by other folks, someone whom everyone could take direction from, someone who presented themselves as a level-headed, thoughtful, and poised person. Mind you, all the respect I garnered in my position there, was earned. I worked hard, as you've read (if you've been following me that long) to earn that respect. Though I've always found it hard to give myself the compliments that I'v earned, I'm willing to do so now, after some thought. That's part of the reason why I was so sad to leave Ohio. I worked hard to earn what I've always wanted. For a small portion of time in my life, I had earned exactly what i was aiming for, and it is a rare thing.
Most times, I'm more likely to sit with just my small circle of family, and watch others with a wistful gleam in my eye, wishing I had just what they do. I've always wondered how those folks have so many people who respect them, around them. I've always wondered why so many folks can stand to listen to them. I've always wished I could be them, just for a little while...
Now, I'm ready to put myself back into the play here, and do more than that. My heart was genuinely in the volunteering I did in Ohio, and I enjoyed it. If I did it there, I can do it here. I wonder how long it'll take me.