Disappointment, Women, & Fighting

Mr hit the Dr's yesterday ($75 bux for the visit, plus another 19 for the prescrip) and found out he has Bronchitis. Thankful we caught it early, sad he is feeling so yucky.

I always find it difficult to get the wind back in my sails after hearing Immigration news. Only because I know that anything to do with them takes forever, and we'll always be forced to find extreme ways to make it work.
Mr and I are busy trying to find ways to distract ourselves from being completely depressed by the situation we've gotten ourselves into. It's fortunate that I can understand that from him now, otherwise I may be angry with his coping mechanism.

Let's spell this out.
We have a six month wait (at a minimum) from when we file for him (god only knows where those fees will come from) before they will consider him eligible for work.
He got an FBI background check while we were still in Ohio to save us some time, not realizing that they were only good for 3 months from the original date they were completed. The (only) Immigration Dr in town isn't available to see him until the end of August, the same day the FBI forms expire. Drastic measure will now need to be taken, and we may need to send him down to Vancouver now (a 5 hour drive) to see the other closest Immigration Dr to us.

I haven't found a job yet, and with how dry the market is for someone with no "real" experience (meaning I know lots of stuff, just not enough of everything to paste on a resume) in any real field of employment except for cleaning, I'm afraid that I won't find a job at all.
My kids are sensing our tension, and I feel a failure at what to do with them, because I'm lacking the brain power to suck it up right this very moment.
Praying that my moments of despair pass quickly, so that I may be the parent my children need.
Oh my god, it's awful how hopeless this all feels.

I haven't had a decent conversation, in which I can be my normal self with my husband, in what feels like ages. Have barely had a moment alone with him. I miss my husband dearly. I miss his laughter, and his humor, and just the pleasure of being quiet with him long enough to hear the random thoughts in his brain.

After coming back, it's apparent to see that my relatives are waiting to take my lead, as to how to behave towards us as a married couple (considering the state of our marriage when we left, I'm surprised they're being nice at all). I'm trying so hard not to let them persuade me to turn back into that girl I was before. I'm an adult married woman, and have been for the last 8 years. I may have left BC on bad terms, but have since come to grips with what it actually means to me to be married. I've had no decent model to build that on, and have come to realize (amazingly) that I love my husband, and don't need a reason why. Because I love him it's my family's duty to at the very least, respect him as well.
In my family women rule the roost, and damn you if you don't automatically fork that respect over, because you'll be cut down in any way they can just to make sure their point is driven home. The ladies in my family did it all on their own, and I know I could if I needed to as well...but I don't need to. I've found this fantastic man to share my journey with, and I'm perfectly happy being the one who's not afraid to admit that I need a solid rock to lean on, and I'm also not afraid of letting him get to that part of me that's the most vulnerable. I have finally come to realize who comes first to me. before my family came first...now my children and husband come before any extended family.
All of this is not to say that my behaves in any way less than respectable, but it's something that I need to affirm in myself, to keep my feet on steady ground as it were. I will not slip into past habits, and let tradition or anything of the like, swallow me during my struggle.
I've grown up, and I'm better than that.
But dear lord, why does this stuff have to be so damned hard?
I'm so very tired of fighting and struggling...when will this fight end?