Wednesday, May 14, 2008

So...Ronnie went to Columbus for a coupla days for training and loaned us hr car in the interim. That was nice.
Once I got over my nausea, I was ok, but that rock in the pit of my stomach still hasn't quite gone away yet. I had to fight some initial fevers and I think that was the worst cause it wore me out and drove me under every possible blanket I could get my hands on. each time I got up to make the boys a snack or meal I was shivering within seconds.
I took us out yesterday to Ryan's (my fav buffet place) for dinner cause I just didn't feel up to cooking. I've been feeling a lot like that lately. I guess it's cause Chance doesn't really enjoy eating at home, and the kids are super easy to please that it's just not worth my effort to cook anything decent for myself. Not to mention that I hate doing the dishes.
I caught up on the dishes a bit today, and schoolwork. I drove us through 7 capters of school lessons. Does anyone else recall learning about geometry and factions in Kindergarten? He's just getting started in geometrical shapes, and fractions (1/4, 1/2, 1/3). I'm curious now to see what else is in that book, but I'm not the type to look ahead.
I'm aiming to complete out History and Phonics before school starts next year, along with at least half of the math. I dunno about LA, they said you can't finish Phonics with finishing LA, so I guess I'll aim to finish that to. According to our teacher on June 30th the school sends out a reclamation letter to th families not re-enrolling that states all items that need to be sent back, so hopefully we'll be all good by then.
I just really need to keep my head up and try harder to keep us on task as much as possible to get it all accomplished. I want him to enjoy grade 1, and not have to focus so much on how much he doesn't know, and focus on making new friends and the like.
I've been running circles in my head about this past weekend, and what it really means to me. I guess I've nothing to do at nights and during the quiet times I can snag, but think about me and what I'm doing. It's terrifying to think that I am who I am. I'm so timid that I mumble and people ask me to repeat what I've just said, and I don't generally look people in the eye when I'm speaking to them. I'm like this little thing. I try not to talk about who I am, or where I come from (other than generalities of geography) because I've damaged myself so much since this time last year that I don't really believe I'm worthy of making any new friends...god, if this is what I think ab out myself, if these people really knew everything I've put myself through, there's no way they'd want to get to know me.
It's funny ho win the end of most conflicts we become our own worst enemy.

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