I Love Halloween

I'm a Die Hard Halloween Fan. Always have been. I've always loved dressing up, carving pumpkins, and decorating. It's a make believe world, that nearly everyone participates in, at least for one whole day.
It's my favorite holiday, hands down.
So, naturally, I go all out. I go all out with treats, costumes, and decorations. I try my best to make it as enjoyable for everyone as I possibly can. I want to stick to people's memories because I did such a great job.
I made Orange-O-Lanterns for D's class treat this year (my third year making them). The Staff at the school loved them, and so did the kids.I made D his Stay Puft Marshmallow Man Costume, and the adults love it (not the kids so much, because not all of them have seen Ghostbusters), and so does D. He's spending as much time in it as he can...reading books, watching tv, and playing with his brother. I do need to remove it for bedtime though, sadly. He's so excited about it he shines when he talks about it, and gets this smile on his face when he thinks about it.That's why I go all out. This is my tradition. No store bought costumes allowed.

Half Nekkid Thursday

Polka Dots are fun ;o)

I Love My Kids

What a week it's been. Got my decorations from MIL, and put some up. Not all, mind you. I just don't have the energy to put them all up...yet.
I've noticed a complete lack of energy on my part, and it's bothersome.
Am busy making D's costume here, in the wee hours of the night.
Did I mention we're being a family of Ghostbusters? Yeah...this is what D's gonna be:Been chuckling at a few things. Last Language class (we're taking a class to learn the Okanagan Native Language), H was asked to hand a paper and a pen to someone, and after handing over the paper he began to walk away. My mom reminded him to give the pen over too, and he said "Where's the pen?" and proceeded to look all around him and under himself (picture him bending over to look both between his legs and under each foot carefully, as well as turning in a circle). Mom caught it first and started laughing, and I was soon to follow. When he realized we were laughing at him he caught on too. He started chuckling and said "I'm silly", because he had been holding it in his hand all along.
A couple of nights ago, while driving me to Cub Scouts for D, H was in the backseat asking question after question about where we were going and what we were doing. My mom was kindly answering him, and after a few responses she started ending them in "sweetie". He asked "Where are we going?", and she responded with "We're taking mommy to D's school, sweetie". He then repeated "We're going to D's school, sweetie?" He caught himself, and chuckled saying "You're not sweetie, I'm sweetie".
After watching D in the Beaver program here, I was unimpressed with how they structure it. Maybe I'm picky, have high standards, or am having trouble letting go of the reigns, but after paying $175 for him to enter the program, I'm unimpressed with the level of teaching they provide. It was bordering on chaos, and for having so many adults there able to step up their monitoring more, it was kind of silly.
I asked Mr to inquire about their level of structure, and whether this would be the norm or not. Their response was to say they do the bare minimum to get them their stuff from the book, and do play time the rest of the time. For $175, we're essentially paying for nice camping and feild trips, and a totally corny uniform.
After speaking with the leaders we found out there's another branch of the group in our vicinity that runs their group "Drill Sargeant" style. Now that's what I'm accustomed to. Our last Pack Leader was an ex-Air Force guy, and knew how to keep the kids in check. After considering my options, I knew what I would choose, but wanted to include D in the final decision.
After telling him about my comparasion and thoughts, he said he's much rather do the "Drill Sargeant" style, because he could learn more. He even said it before I had a chance to completely finish the comparasion.
Makes me teary just remembering it.
After all our fighting and struggling to get him out the door all those times, and the hassel it was, and the stress we put ourselves under to make sure everyone was learning as much as possible, and the tension we put up with when we weren't meeting other parents' standards, and everything else...I just remember thinking it was sort of a lost cause. I thought the entire time we put in as Den Leaders was going to be something he just didn't care about.
Turns out he'd rather do it the other way, and learn something, rather than just playing around. he prefers it that way.
They started a school reading program for the students. They're trying to encourage reading from each student, and are having a school-wide challenge to reach a certain number of books read by the end of the school year. D has read 32 so far (already meeting his fulfillment). He brings home two each night, and more on weekends, and reads them all. He reads out loud ot us, to himself quietly, and everywhere in the house you can imagine. Behind the couch, in the bathroom, under the bed, in the window, on his bed...you name it, I've caught him reading there.
He just makes me so flipping proud when he flaunts his responsibility and maturity.

Thursday Thunks

1. If you were to start a meme (or a second or third), what would you call it and what day would you pick? I'd pick Monday or Wednesday. Those are the only two days i have free from meme's. I don't know what I'd call it. Junk?

2. When a celebrity endorses a product, do you really believe they like it/use it? Not usually no.

3. Why don't zombies ever just eat each other? Cause they're not cannibals.

4. If you were an elephant, would you rather roam free or be in a zoo?Much rather roam free, then eventually live in a zoo.

5. The doorbell rings on October 31st, do you answer it? Yup...every time.

6. If you see a piece of paper on the ground while out & about, do you pick it up? If so, do you look to see what it is? No, not unless I know I'm the one who dropped it.

7. If Jon Gosselin and Octomom got married and then their own reality show, do you think she would try to get pregnant again for better ratings? Probably. I wouldn't put it past her.

8. If Thursday Thunks was to be put on hold or quit completely, would you be sad? Of course.

Half Nekkid Thursday

I really just don't have any words that can go with this week's shot.
Hmm...

Someday I Want An Answer

Somedays I wonder how on earth I gave birth to such a brilliantly beautiful child. How I could cry when I see just how passionately he lives his life.
Other days I just want to scream. Those days I feel like I'm teetering on the brink of some of violent behavior that I just don't care to elaborate on.
We've been to counseling sessions to try and figure out how to solve our dilemma. They've all said the same thing "take care of the bigger problems, and the smaller ones will fix themselves". Those bigger problems have long since been repaired. Not once has anyone said "This is your solution". It's frustrating as fuck. Really.
There are days where we are all so tested, that we literally just leave him be, because we are at a loss as to how to handle him. He pushes and pushes and pushes, until no one can stand to be around him.
He responds by saying he wishes he were gone. He says awful things about himself. Part of this has got to be coming from us, I understand, but how did it get to be so horrendous? I would love for someone to explain to me why he behaves the way he does, or give me an answer. I just want to know why.
I want to know why he grins and smirks when he knows he's not listening, disobeying, or disrespecting. I want to know why he laughs when he's outright ignoring us, or deliberately hurts those he loves. I want to know why he's so happy when he knows he's physically harming himself or his family. I want to know why I just can't believe that he's sorry when he apologizes.
I want a fucking answer.
I want to know why I feel like the ultimate failure as a parent because I want to lash out so badly, all I can do is walk away until I'm calm. I want to know why I'm pushed that far in the first place.
What the fuck am I doing so wrong?
Am I not paying him enough attention? Do I not praise him enough? Am I not being consistent?
Please, someone, come and rescue me, and put me on the right path to a happy child!
I don't want my child to remember his childhood like I remember mine...All I've ever wanted for him was better than what I had.
All I want is an answer.

I'm 28 today

Myspace Layouts

Lots to think about. It's a dreary day today, need to find me some caffeine. Gonna go in search of free food, do a bit of shopping, and try to relax some :o)

Countdown

Well folks...two days left until I'm officially 28.
Someone recognized me today, just by hearing my voice, and I haven't seen them in over 3 years. I don't know whether I should be offended or hurt, but that was the immediate way I took it, considering my state of mind 3 years ago.
Took the boys shopping today because H has outgrown all of his pants around the waist, so I went in search of a whack of elasticized waist pants.
Had our very first shift today without the bosses there to run the show. What a friggin fiasco. there were multiple things that need vast improvement. I was scalded with hot milk today, as it got spilled on my hand. It's only slightly swollen.
My mom and dad arrive home tomorrow from their week long vacation. Gotta clean up and change their bedding and whatnot. Also need to do a bit of grocery shopping.
I have no plans for my birthday. I really just don't feel the need to celebrate or shout it from the rooftops or anything. There's lots of stuff that I want, but nothing that I feel I need right at this moment. All good things, right?
I've been feeling content of late...but things haven't been going so smoothly with the Mr. We seem to be hitting our major bad timing with one another. Either one of us is in a bad mood, or the other. It would seem we just haven't been able to hit the mark and get our moods on an even pace, which is highly disappointing. The struggle to keep our marriage strong is starting to falter a bit, from my perspective. Old jabs and behaviors have resurfaced, and it's getting more and more difficult to ignore them.
We've spent the last week getting the kids finalized in a prim & proper schedule, and actually sticking to it. H is finally in his own bed, in his shared room with D, and both are asleep before 9pm each night. H has finally been fully weaned. I sleep in my own bed with my Mr each night, and have nearly adjusted to sleeping without a little man right next to me. I'm still finding it difficult to fall asleep, but I figure that'll come in time.
I'm quite happy with work, all being said, though. I'm getting between 25 & 30 hours per week, which makes me part time. I don't honestly think I'd have enough energy for another right this minute. After going without working an actualy job for more than 3 years, I'm hoping it's not going to take me long before I'm ready to pick up another one.
My mind is rambling...

Thursday Thunks

1. Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the king's horses,
And all the king's men,
Couldn't put Humpty together again.

Why was Humpty Dumpty sitting on that wall? He was trying to escape the Poacher! *snigger*

2. If Mother Goose and Father Time had kids, what would they look like and what would they be named? I'm guessing they look like Jack & Jill.

3. Does Barbie have kankles? I'm not entirely certain she even has a joint there, so yes.

4. Have you ever been featured in a magazine? Nope (ok, a high school one once or twice), but the newspaper lots.

5. Did your parents keep a baby book for you? If so, how often have you looked through it? No, just photo albums that I pull out maybe once a year.

6. If someone dropped off a case of candy bars at your front door, what kind of candy bar would you want? (Berleen's question from Insanity Cafe.) Aero. I love them because they're milk chocolate and oh so bubbly, that they melt in your mouth.

7. Rub-a-dub-dub,
Three men in a tub,
And how do you think they got there? Maybe they're from San Francisco.
The butcher, the baker,
The candlestick-maker,
They all jumped out of a rotten potato,
'Twas enough to make a man stare.

What happened to the rotten potato? Further more, if they jumped out of a rotten potato, do you think they stink? I've never had the opportunity to smell a rotten potato, but when things rot they do tend to smell, so I guess so.

Half Nekkid Thursday

I got a tattoo of a dragon 6 years ago. I hardly ever remember it's there. Just thought you might like to know...

Saturday Snapshots (on a Sunday)

And now, for a nice, quiet breather, in which we all take a deep breath, release, and relax a bit.
To catch you up on our going's on, here's a few snapshots from the last month of fun!

My new place of employment

Mr & H at preschool playing some Shape Bingo

D in the bouncy house at the local Reservation's Recreation Center/School's Open House

H loves his slides.

Mr chaperoned D's 2nd grade class to a local Creek/Waterfalls to catch a glimpse of the Kokanee Salmon Fish Spawning!

Fall made it's presence known

We made a 30 minute drive up the hill and found up some snow, even though you can't see it here. It was stinkin cold and breezy!

I have some free time to myself tonight, and thought I'd share it with you. I wanted to lighten up the mood a bit first though ;o) Happy Thanksgiving to my Canadian blogger friends out there, I hope you remember all that you are thankful for!

I Suck.

I'm feeling kinda tired, which leads me to feeling stressed.
I'm beating myself up. I'm drowning myself in guilt.
Was out at Baby Group with H yesterday. Got a call from the school, asking me to come and pick D up because he had a toothache.
I've been a bad mom.
I knew before we left Ohio (May, if anyone's counting months) that there was something wrong with that tooth. Mr has been at me and at me to get him to the dentist. I just kept putting it off.
I picked D up from the school, and frantically phoned a dentist or two to get him seen that afternoon, as it's a long weekend this weekend.
I must say I'm not impressed with my first choice of a Dentist. He refused to see D completely, because he was afraid of needles 3 years ago...when he was 4. He refused my emergency phone call because he was too little back then, and won't even give it a try now. I'm so angry at this I can't even begin to describe it. While some think I should go and give him a piece of my mind, I prefer to be vindictive (and sure, it's probably not the best course of action) and tell every parent I can get my words on, about this horrible in-action.
I found one who would see him, and got him in. The verdict was that he has a nasty infection, a yucky abscessed tooth, that's bad enough to warrant the removal of it, and the one behind it.
Oh my god, I'm such a bad parent.
I totally put my own selfishness before my child. I took my child and his health for granted.
He was up for four hours lastnight, writhing and crying in pain. I felt completely helpless. He didn't go to school today. He's on two rounds of antibiotics until the 22nd when he goes in for the extraction.
There was no excuse for my lack of action. There were a few words exchanged after we got the news, and they hurt, because they were true, and I completely deserved them.
I can't stop thinking about how bad I truly suck right at this particular point in time.
I've given myself the bad mom award.
I can't stop thinking about how much I suck right now.

Thursday Thunks

1. Bud- What type of meme question is the hardest? The ones that are the simplest, I find.

2. Smart Cent's Mom- If you could be any person living or dead, who would you be? Michael Jackson. As my son is in an MJ phase, I'd like to know what his life was like.

3. Thom- You accidentally bum*p* into someone at a store and you apologize. The person you bumped into says no problem and you notice food stuck in their teeth. What do you do? I tell them, of course.

4. Captured Memories- "Do you ever shed a tear when you poop?" LMAO. Yup.

5. Mejis- If a tree falls in the forest and no one is there to hear it, it's still a tree, right? Uh huh

6. Tosin- What is something you have said to someone that you wish you could take back? There are a number of things that I've said to my b/f's, first husband, and current husband that I wish I could take back...mainly because they were all designed to hit them where it hurts the most.

7. Annie's home- not feeling very creative here so I will ask if you were in the Big Brother house how would you play the game? I've never watched it, what's the goal of the game?

8. Meandering Matt- Mac (which is still a PC (personal computer) in my opinion) or PC (Microsoft)? I learned how to operate a Mac when computers became a big thing, and even through High School. I'm a PC right now, but if ever I was to get into computers more than I am now, it would probably be a Mac.

9. Living Dead Nurse- Do you think Jay Leno’s show should be cancelled? Why? Sure, why not...I don't watch it.

10. Dixie Chick- I LOVE VICTORIA SECRET PANTIES AND THEY ARE THE ONLY KIND I WEAR. JUST BOUGHT 5 NEW PAIR THE OTHER DAY. 2 BLACK, 2 RED AND 1 PURPLE. THEY ARE ALL FRESHLY WASHED AND READY TO WEAR. MY QUESTION IS.....WHAT SIZE BRA DO I WEAR...? 36C, just like me! LOL

11. And finally one by Kimber (just so you don't think I am too lazy)- There is a rattlesnake living behind the warehouse my husband's company just moved into, tarantulas in our side yard, scorpions all around at night and coyotes howling and running down the street in front of our house. So what color sheets will you want on your bed when you come to visit me? White...and all matching! I was rasied without matching brand spankin new sheet sets, and for some reason a full matching brand new set of white sheets mean a lot to me.

Half Nekkid Thursday: I Love Hats

I bought this hat on our trip from Ohio to BC. I think I bought it in Montana, not long after I met Os. I love it, but don't wear it that often up here...dunno why. Keep an eye out for this one to be a re-occurring item in my HNT's!

Busy Busy

We've been busy lately. In a good way I suppose...but busy is busy, right?
I miss my D. I've been working evenings, and literally start working as soon as he gets off from school, and get home when it's his bedtime.
I've been catching up on laundry, but it literally sat on my bedroom floor at the foot of my bed for days before I got around to folding it. Today was the first time I cleaned the house & did the dishes in a while.
Mr took the last few days to go do a dry-walling job with a Great Uncle of mine. Nice way to bring in some extra cash, but makes it oh-so-hectic. S'a good thing we're a 3 vehicle household or we'd be getting pretty scrambled by this point.
I got H syaing "Holy Doodle!" Heehee, he thinks it's pretty funny.
Boy, I love my job. Still. And it's been a month. I've been bringing the food home with me when I close, and the family seems to really enjoy it. My bosses even made me my dinner this eve, free of charge. I love my bosses...
Anyhow, tomorrow is D's student/class photo day at school...wonder what i should put him in?

Random Thought about Marisa Tomei

Was watching different movies lastnight. I'm a flipper, I flip between multiple tv shows and movies when I sit my butt in front of the tube. Anyhow, I happened upon The Wrestler, with Mickey Rourke. As I watched it came to a scene with Marisa Tomei doing a lap dance for MR. Holy Gawd, was the first thought in my mind. She's a 40 something lady with an amazing rack. I'm seriously jealous of her breasts. Pert and perky and wonderfully formed. Breasts that I can only aspire to have, but will likely never attain. Just thought I'd share the randomness for the day.

Eggshells & School

I don't understand why there is so much tension sometimes. Having us all lumped together in one whole house makes everything seem to function on eggshells. Literally everyone will be cool, calm and giggly, and one minute later the mood drops to yelling, screaming, arguing, and utter stress where no communication is able to pass between anyone. All it takes is someone to look the wrong way at another, or for two words to pass through someone's lips with the wrong tone, or just leaving some personal property in the wrong place.
It's like a whole house of Bi-Polar. (no offense is intended to those who live with this disorder, it's just the closest way I can describe it)
There are chocolate gods. I was totally craving chocolate this evening after dinner, and the neighbor girls showed up selling some for their band. My chocolate prayers were answered.
I'm tired. I feel like I could just lay down and go to sleep, and probably not wake up for a good day or two without effect.
Finally connected my Hard Drive so I could d/l all the pictures from my cameras. Slowly working my way through the editing process, and once I'm done I'll need to do a mega post to Flickr.
I've been reconsidering the photography route when I think about going back to school. I've been looking at some of the photo's Mr's been taking, and it suddenly occurred to me that either he's talented as well, or it's just the camera that allows a better quality of picture. Though I certainly have a higher percentage of beautiful pictures, if Mr can take some amazing shots like he has been lately, than it must not be a very narrow field of expertise. I'm not saying that I want to be the only great photographer int he world, but I'd like to be educated to be something that can bring in money for us that I enjoy as well.
*sigh*