Sunday, July 17, 2011

Hitting Bottom

I'm fishing round on the bottom. I'm here, but I feel lost.
"What am I sposed to say when I'm all chocked up but you're ok? I'm falling to pieces" - Breakeven - The Script
What am I looking for? What am I here for? Is there a purpose in my suffering?
I'm here, I'm reaching but I don't know what for. Am I reaching for help and salvation? Am I reaching for trouble and danger?
I'm a kid again. I'm lost, and I accept help from the first person who offers it, only they're not interested in helping. I'm exploited again because I'm trusting, because I'm hoping.
I need to believe that there's someone who will help me, I just have to find them first.
I feel like I'm stuck, and that I'm going to be stuck here forever. Doomed to relive this cycle over and over. Never change, never grow, never move on.
I don't want to feel. Emotional torture.
"I'm so afraid of waking, please don't shake me" - So Far Away - Staind
I want honesty, I want faith, I want trust.

1 thoughtful remarks:

Bretthead said...

Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you can make things better. I hope things are looking up.