Events

Spent the morning being creative with the boys. We made some cards, and the boys even busted out the paints for some finger painting and such. Pictures are at Flickr.
Decided to take them outside today as it was relatively calm, with little wind. It took us about 30 minutes just to get dressed for the outing (and Darius dressed himself completely, I only adjusted one boot!) but we eventually made it. I had decided this morning that since my afternoon plans were canceled that I would go shovel the driveway as I know it's not going to be done otherwise (and I was sick of tip toeing through everything with my silly little slip on shoes). So, I packed us up, and we headed out back for some snow fun and exploration (I'm dying because it's PERFECT for a snowman and a snow fort), and am hoping to do it again tomorrow, if the snow stays. Afterwards, I hauled us all out front to first shovel a path from our garbage can to the road, and the a path from the road/mailbox/front door/driveway. Darius was great in helping me with this and the smaller shovel he got Chance for Christmas. I had gotten a regular big one some time ago that I was using. Anyhow, after redirecting Hunter from the road several times, I finally finished the driveway...but I was sweating like a pig and had soaked through the bottom 3 layers that I was wearing. Eeew. I can't even remember the last time I broke a sweat. Hunter really didn't do much, he just kinda stood there and looked around, which was great with me, as the few times I did hafta re-direct him were a bit harrowing.
Anyhow, after we finished that, we came in and I got their lunches ready, we ate and hunter went down for his nap without a fight.
Now I guess it's time to start on schoolwork....
I was really hoping to go see Bill Clinton in Wooster tonight...but looks like that won't be likely.

Epiphany

There aren't enough words to describe how much I hate living in Ohio.
I almost feel like the minute I crossed the border the IQ dropped.
Not to mention that the Government is holding me captive...once again.
Life sucks...I need a drink and a cigarette.

I Live in a Communist Country

My life is no longer my own. My life is being run by other people.
I can no longer spend money without first checking to make sure that I'm allowed to. I can not go anywhere without thinking beforehand if it's an absolute necessity, or whether or not I can combine 20 other errands into one. I can't go anywhere unless it's with a child without it turning into some sick battle of who has something more important.
I am no longer important, and am finding it increasingly difficult to make anything for me a priority.
Where am I, and who is this pathetic being in front of me? Where are those people who love me? I hate everything in my life right now.

Pat of the Back

I stayed up late last night (only because Chance was staying up late too, and it's nice to have company when you're that crunched) and did the projects I've been meaning to get around to. I mended 5 clothing items that've been laying round (some for years), and got started on a project I've had ready to go for a while now. Am still in the mood to buzz through everything today, so it'll be interesting to see what I've accomplished by this evening. I've dug out more mending, and I've gotten my closets cleaned out of old clothing, and am planning on tossing a new ABC quilt together for Darius because mine needs to be shelved (finally), and I know he'll miss it. He's kinda like me, he likes heavy, warm, and soft blankets.
Am having trouble signing into my email this morning...kind of frustrating.
I don't have anything planned for today, which is kind of a relief. nothing tomorrow either, cause ice skating has been canceled. I only have a quick meeting with the Library lady in West Salem to do tomorrow morning.
Our cable is out again, which is definitely helping with the creativity buzz.
We got about three inches of snow last night by the looks of it today. We're supposedly getting 3 more, but I never believe those weather guys, they just don't know what they're talking about. It's kind of pretty looking outside, if only the sun would come out.

Ouch

Was playing Jack-in-the-box today with Darius and he launched right up into my face busting my lip open, and knocking me senseless for the better part of 10 minutes in which my ears were ringing and I had tunnel vision.
It's times like these where I really miss someone able to take care of the kids for me for a bit whilst I recover.

So, the debate is on now, all wondering what we should get D for his birthday, where we should go and so on. It's funny, I usually have these things planned months in advance, but this year I'm just slacking.
I'm thinking a Wii, though I'm not certain if it's either appropriate, or even attainable. I haven't done the pricing or researched the games to see whether or not he could play any of them, but we shall see. We've also had suggestions of sports stuff, which is nice but are limited to what we can do on grass. I can't think of anything he'd really like, other than a Wii, which is what he's been asking for since b4 Christmas, my Birthday actually.
Anyhow, haven't decided where to take him either. I'm pretty certain that we're not having a party. Mainly because we don't know a whole lot of people, and because the people we do know probably wouldn't be willing to drive the 1 hour + just for a party.
That being said, I won't be holding back on the cake or anything else, so it's ok with me.
We could take him to Magic Mountain in Columbus, a Chuck E. Cheese's, or a bounce & play place (like spacewalkers) in Medina, or even take him up to Cleveland for something to do up there (Museum of Natural History etc.). NO idea. I guess I'll just keep saving and see what kind of budget we'll be working with.
My head and neck really hurt now... :oP

Went to Church this morning, and found it to be very comfortable. I was impressed when I spotted the blue bag full of recyclables outside the door on the way in (when most other churches I go to encourage garbaging everything) They had a couple of small rooms for "Religious Education" classes and a rather small nursery, it was nice, and warm feeling. My experiences with any other places I've been to to date have been rather off-putting mainly because there is a level of expectation along with it, of behavior, a dress code and so on. I don't do so well with expectations, cause I really just don't want to put forth that much effort into something I'm not, it makes it feel less sincere.
Anyhow, I was also impressed that there's also no dress code! I felt rather bad as I was getting ready because though I have decent pants, I don't have decent matching shoes, so I ended up in a plain sweater with jeans. Anyhow we got there and explored the nursery, and the classes and all and it looks like a nice place that I look forward to attending.
Published pictures to Flickr.

Hunter Says Clock Quite Clearly

One of the only legible words that Hunter can say is Clock, as shown here...

6th Class for Darius

Darius really enjoyed learning to ice skate, and is on to Snow Plow Sam Level 2 this Wednesday. There are 3 levels to complete in all. He had a tough time staying with the group (which is the problem in any class I put him in) but he did learn some.

I was really hoping

Yup, I guess that's just what happens. I had hoped we'd skip the flu/cold season this year because we haven't been as active in public activities this year, but it didn't turn out that way.I remember tossing and turning last night thinking it was way too hot, and I thought it was me burning up again (after the first night's bout with food poisoning), and I actually woke up and stripped all my clothing off before I realized that it wasn't me who was burning up, it was Hunter! I rolled outta bed, grabbed what blankets/sweaters/slippers/pillows I could muster whilst carrying him down the stairs (sounds dangerous now that I type it out) and plopped on the couch for the rest of the night (this was 3:30, I had gone to bed at 12 damned Zelda!!). Of cours, I got his temp (100.8F), but couldn't sleep for the rest of the night. Here I am, trying to get stuff done around the house because if I don't we'll all come down with what he's got...sanitize sanitize sanitize. I got the laundry put away, and am planning on doing the dishes and finishing the sanitizing of communicable surfaces.
Hunter has a Dr.'s appointment at 2pm. Ronnie's gonna come home and take us over.
I hope this is as bad as it gets, cause two nights of awful sleep is all I can muster.
I'm really missing that extra support that allows me the nap occasionally...lol

Unbelievable

How do parents do this?
I'm sick as a dog now, I must've picked it up when I went to the Dr.'s with Darius on Monday. I can't keep anything in my stomach, and I don't have anyone to call. If I had a regular babysitter, I'd call them and sleep it off, but I don't. Chance's store is opening today and they'll most likely be swamped, so I can't call him home if I feel like I'm dying, Rhonda's sick too.
My cable's out as well, figures, I get sick and plan on doing nothing but watching movies all day and the dumb thing doesn't want to work.
Why is it that when you don't feel good you feel extra sorry for yourself?

I feel like shit...don't bring food anyplace near me, I may vomit on you if I smell it.
I went to my interview with the Library ppl today (for my Volunteer application with them) and it's looking like they'll really enjoy having me.
I was discussing it with Chance afterwards and had to mention that it's funny when I go into an interview I tell them (and it's even listed on my resume) that one of my strongest points is that I'm a born leader, and that one of my major weaknesses is that I'm a very passionate person who has a tendency to be a little emotional. I don't really think about it otherwise, in any other situation but work applications and the like. I don't usually refer to myself in everyday life as a leader, I just plod along.
I didn't end up going to the Gay Marriage discussion last night, they canceled because of the weather. That phenomena occurs quite frequently here, and I have to wonder how the fuck anything gets done because the schools close down every time it snows, and businesses close at the drop of a dime. How do they function at such a high stress level? I mean people don't stop talking about the weather, and they frequently miss work because of it. The person who did my interview today even called me this morning to ask if we could reschedule because of the road conditions. I swear, I'm amazed anything gets done in the winter-time here.
Tomorrows is Valentine's Day. Blech. I'm glad I don't have to go anywhere's.

Ahh...Snow.
Finally, like it should look in February. It snowed all night, but it really only gave us an inch or two...not it looks like it's supposed to snow all day.
Gotta go do the cleaning today as I've put it off since Friday for one reason or another...lol.
Trying my hardest to stick to the schedule I made for D's schoolwork, as much as possible, but I'm finding some days I miss one lesson and catch it up on it the next day.
Tonight I have plans to go to a Gay Marriage discussion at the Wooster Unitarian Universalist Fellowship. I look up their website and it seems like a decent place, but some places aren't as they say on paper. We'll see this evening though. Hopefully they'll be nice, cause I wouldn't mind attending someplace where I belong.
In any event, I'm taking Rhonda with me, which is nice cause Chance didn't wanna go, and it's always easier going someplace new when someone is with you. The agenda calls for a couple of videos and a discussion following.
Anyhow, I guess I should get started ont he schoolwork for the day or it'll never get finished...

Uploaded pics to Flickr.

Figures

I wonder, sometimes, why I have this cruel joke being played on me. I wonder if I'll always have the choices I've made rubbed in my face like I've pissed on the floor.
It's like when you think rock bottom hits, something worse comes along...is that what an addict feels? If this is true, what am I addicted to that's ruining my life?
We got Hunter's shots done today, and was surprised that he only needed one, and he's done until he's Kindergarten age now. He did very well...he got the shot, then he cried for about 1 minutes, then he walked out of the building all on his own.
I had us all (well, the boys and I anyways) take a nap today because we were all up kinda late, we decided to sleep on the floor in our study to avoid getting woken up in the middle of the night from the second night of storms rolling through in a row. I ended up staying up late, Darius was up past bedtime, and Hunter was groggy from his shots. He's actually still asleep right now, 3 1/2 hour nap.
Darius has ice skating tonight, and we've borrowed Ronnie's car to make it...who knows how long we'll get to borrow it for.
I got a call from the local Library and arranged an appointment for an Interview to volunteer there next week. Chance got to go and fill out his paperwork and start a training session today for his new job (not that a whole lot is needed for it).
Our truck is fried...the transmission is blown.
I'm stuck in a foreign country, with no income, and now no mode of transportation, with no control over which direction my life is going to move in next because I don't own it.
I don't want to be here, but honestly, would it be any better back home?? No, of course not, cause I was stupid enough to believe that my stuff back home would've been paid off by now, and instead I've been helping to pay the bills here when I should have just said fuck it and taken care of my stuff first. I'm so fucking stupid. Why am I so stupid?? If I went home I'd have to crawl out of the debt hole there before I could move us on. Not like I haven't done that before, but I don't want to do it again. I just want a good life, where it's peaceful for any amount of time.
I'm tired of struggling, I'm tired of feeling like every move I make is shitting on me because I deserve to be a piece of shit, and they're just trying to convert me. I'm tired of rotting in a cesspool.

Guilt

It's a funny thing, guilt. You feel it when you ought not to, and are overwhelmed with it when you should. At least, that's been my experience with it.
I feel horrible that my family is suffering in my absence. I wonder if it would be any more or less if I were there?
I miss my family. I wish I could send a hug.

It's Saturday morning...is it considered the end of the week, or the beginning of the next?
It's been brought to my attention that I'm really just relaxing a little bit too much, and that I need to ease off a bit.
Of course, I've been laying off a few things, in my attempt to adjust, but I really just need to get my behind in gear now.
I can feel myself sitting in the background, saying I don't want to...and why?
Some days, this is just a tough pill to swallow, and I really wish I had a stiff drink to go with it, just this once.
I wish I had some friends, where I could go and escape, and bounce my thoughts off of...find just a little bit of re-assurance. I can only do so much of that over the phone.
At least I've submitted my volunteer forms, hopefully I'll hear about those soon.
I don't laugh as much as I used to. Things just aren't funny to me.
I figured I'm going to send my family new letters, or cards each month for each holiday. Just to keep me busy.
I signed up for a Shutterfly account to print off pictures I've been waiting on since the end of November...and I finally got them ordered. yay me! I can order 86 more prints with my pre-paid plan...I'm thinking I want to set aside the amount for the S&H for next time(so I don't have to wait) , so I can send more pictures along with my card, if it's only one that's perfect. I wouldn't mind trying their picture cards...I've been fooling around with their different projects, and I like that one so far. Next is a calander for next year...hehehe.
Watched Saw 3&4 lastnight...I kept having to remind Chance of what happened in Saw 2.
I'm a gory movie fanatic...if it's got an R+ rating, I'm there. I've been trying to watch Halloween (The Rob Zombie version, but have only made it through the 1st half hour before I get interrupted). I like the Hostel movies, AVP, The Devil's Rejects...and slasher movies where they just come up with even more crative ways to die. I guess I always have been.