30 Thoughts

I'm officially 30 years old today.
My mind is blown because I never, not once that I can recall, thought I'd live to see my 30th Birthday and beyond.
Seriously. No joke. Never ever thought I'd live past 30, and here I am.
What the hell do I do with myself now?

Psh, oh well, no worries, it'll come to me eventually ;o)
I think my first order of business will be to get my hair chopped & donated. We'll see what happens after that.

Friday Fill-Ins

And...here we go!

1. It's easy to tune into a good book, considering you can do it anywhere!

2. Just ask for a hug when you need one, my darling.

3. Once upon a time, There was a young Prince who was loved by all of those in his kingdom. (I`ve been known to start a bedtime story to the boys in this manner)

4. The wise young Prince was satified with his journey and his adventure, and decided that it was finally time to share the lessons of his journey with his people ... the end.

5. What is

6. I hope my boys pick out a costume sooner than later.

7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to visiting a family for a playdate between our kids, tomorrow my plans include gaming all-night with family and Sunday, I want to eat a disgusting amount of pancakes!

(To play along, click the image below)

Pondering Halloween

The new house we live in is big. Much bigger than the last house we were in.

This October I'm facing my 30th birthday. I'm unsure if this is the reason for my blues this month, or if it's just something I can't quite put my finger on yet. Either way, my blues are just out of the corner of my mind, ready and whispering things in my ear. Could be that the connection to the events of last Halloween are coming back to haunt me, or maybe a combination of both that and my birthday....hmmm. That being said, I'm wondering whether I'm going to do any major decorating at all, since the yard we have is so big, and I have so little stocked away in the decorations bin that I usually keep. I know some stuff has been lost to moving, and am reluctant to even try and rebuild the stock that I had, for fear of moving again.

I hear a voice telling me we have too much stuff, despite the amount of purging I've done since we got here. This combined with the effort involved in this task keeps me from even attempting to rebuild at this moment. I had the bug last month, but lost it when October hit, and I pulled out my bin to take stock. There's plenty of potential for my favorite holiday to thrive in our yard, and I'm facing a daunting task should I wish to decorate as fully as I'd like. I'm wondering if I can motivate myself, or if I'll just leave it. I haven't even gotten the boys' costumes together yet, which is surprising.

Why October?

I've never put much thought into the why, but as my Mr frequently pokes fun at us Canadians for having a Thanksgiving holiday, I had to concede that he had a point. So, I looked it up @ Wikipedia, naturally.

It's a quiet weekend here in our home this holiday. With many firsts for other family members, this is one of those holidays where we are left to our own devices. Rather than us travelling to them, we opted to stay at home. It's been a regular pajama weekend. Yes, all major neccessities (like food & teeth brushing) are taken care of by us adults, but otherwise we're all floating around occupying ourselves with whatever happens to catch our fancy.

I made a couple of pairs of PJ's each for the boys. First sewing project I've attempted in ages. I've cleaned & cleaned, and laundered until I could do no more. I've Solitaire-d my brains & eyes out, as well as fallen in love all over again with Buffy on Netflix. We've had mega pet snuggle sessions both with Peachy & Mr. Benjamin, and have even built terrariums for the snails, slugs, & Salamander.

Tonight, I'm getting over a blue-sy feeling that had me wondering why it was there. I couldn't figure it out, so just opted to tell Mr that I was feeling down. We had a family cuddle, & that took care of it.

I'm really surprised, after learning about my 3 basic neccesities (acceptance, listening & affection), how much they actually help to regulate my moods. I truly cannot survive without them, and I'm glad my lil family is coming to understand that.

I cracked a Star Wars joke yesterday at a random moment. I was surprised when my D started giggling at it. I'm glad my 9 year old gets my humor.

I said I was having trouble finding my happy-button, and H brought an apple to share with me. He says "sharing makes you happy" according to his teacher. After we finished it he whispered in my ear that he loves me, and gave me a great big hug. I'm glad there's an endless amount of hugs & giggles when I need them at my disposal.

This Thanksgiving...I am (and want to be) alive. I am restructuring my goals, making my opportunities happen, and am taking any steps I take slowly. I am not rushing ahead, but giving myself time to proccess everything, and answer the questions along the way, rather than after.

I know a lot of the (re-)actions that took place this summer are going to be explained & worried out in due time, but for now, I'm working at remembering. I need to remember what happened before I can accept the memories and move on.

This Thanksgiving I am grateful that there is a roof over my head, a kitchen full of food, and a warm bed to sleep in where I can feel safe.

This Thanksgiving I am grateful that I don't feel overwhelmed and short on time.

This Thanksgiving I'm exstatic that I've found people who will listen to me, not look at me like I'm insane when they hear what I have to say, and who are willing to help me construct a strategy that will enable me to find the healthiest mental me possible. I'm grateful that there is a possibility for me to feel like a normal human being, instead of this different entity that I've always been.

This year has been tough, and like every other year, I'm muddling my way through it. Only this time, I'm doing something to make it better.

Halloween Mason Jar Luminary

I was surfing the net last month to look for some new Halloween decorating ideas, and came across a project I thought would be great to try. I hit the local thrift shops and got my hands on some Mason Jars, pulled out my collection of tissue paper, my Mod Podge & paint brushes, and black acrylic paint.

I'm happy to report, that in our new house, I have my very own crafting room, complete with table, desk & shelf space for my machines, crafting supplies & fabrics. Heaven...now, if I could only get some better lighting...

Anyhow, once I got started, the kids decided to join in. I painted thin layers of Mod Podge on the outside of the jars, and layed strips of tissue over them and smoothed them out with the paint brush handle.

It went fairly smoothly from there. I should also warn that Mod Podge doesn't smell all that great...at least, mine doesn't. I got the kids rushed through theirs, and set them aside to dry before I shooed them out of the room.

I wound up with 14 jars total, and had only spent about $5 on them, because I had the rest of the supplies on hand.
Anyhow, once they all dried, I painted faces on them with the black acrylic paint, instead of gluing paper cut-outs on. It was a relatively simple project and allowed me to watch movies during the painting. I like the way they turned out, and will be putting candles in them to line my walkway come Halloween Eve. SO excited.