Sunday, October 09, 2011

Why October?

I've never put much thought into the why, but as my Mr frequently pokes fun at us Canadians for having a Thanksgiving holiday, I had to concede that he had a point. So, I looked it up @ Wikipedia, naturally.
It's a quiet weekend here in our home this holiday. With many firsts for other family members, this is one of those holidays where we are left to our own devices. Rather than us travelling to them, we opted to stay at home. It's been a regular pajama weekend. Yes, all major neccessities (like food & teeth brushing) are taken care of by us adults, but otherwise we're all floating around occupying ourselves with whatever happens to catch our fancy.
I made a couple of pairs of PJ's each for the boys. First sewing project I've attempted in ages. I've cleaned & cleaned, and laundered until I could do no more. I've Solitaire-d my brains & eyes out, as well as fallen in love all over again with Buffy on Netflix. We've had mega pet snuggle sessions both with Peachy & Mr. Benjamin, and have even built terrariums for the snails, slugs, & Salamander.
Tonight, I'm getting over a blue-sy feeling that had me wondering why it was there. I couldn't figure it out, so just opted to tell Mr that I was feeling down. We had a family cuddle, & that took care of it.
I'm really surprised, after learning about my 3 basic neccesities (acceptance, listening & affection), how much they actually help to regulate my moods. I truly cannot survive without them, and I'm glad my lil family is coming to understand that.
I cracked a Star Wars joke yesterday at a random moment. I was surprised when my D started giggling at it. I'm glad my 9 year old gets my humor.
I said I was having trouble finding my happy-button, and H brought an apple to share with me. He says "sharing makes you happy" according to his teacher. After we finished it he whispered in my ear that he loves me, and gave me a great big hug. I'm glad there's an endless amount of hugs & giggles when I need them at my disposal.
This Thanksgiving...I am (and want to be) alive. I am restructuring my goals, making my opportunities happen, and am taking any steps I take slowly. I am not rushing ahead, but giving myself time to proccess everything, and answer the questions along the way, rather than after.
I know a lot of the (re-)actions that took place this summer are going to be explained & worried out in due time, but for now, I'm working at remembering. I need to remember what happened before I can accept the memories and move on.
This Thanksgiving I am grateful that there is a roof over my head, a kitchen full of food, and a warm bed to sleep in where I can feel safe.
This Thanksgiving I am grateful that I don't feel overwhelmed and short on time.
This Thanksgiving I'm exstatic that I've found people who will listen to me, not look at me like I'm insane when they hear what I have to say, and who are willing to help me construct a strategy that will enable me to find the healthiest mental me possible. I'm grateful that there is a possibility for me to feel like a normal human being, instead of this different entity that I've always been.
This year has been tough, and like every other year, I'm muddling my way through it. Only this time, I'm doing something to make it better.

1 thoughtful remarks:

Osbasso said...

Even your posts are sounding far more upbeat than they did months ago. It's apparent that a corner has been turned and you're heading in the right direction! Sounds like your Thanksgiving was perfect for you!