1st Night In

I'm excited (read absolutely exhausted) to be spending our first night in the new house. We spent this weekend getting the big furniture out & into new place. I spent the day at the new house w/H, and I just don't feel like I got anything accomplished. I despise moving, because I dislike change. But here we are, and if we get everything cleaned up & out by 2mrw eve, we get our damage deposit back cash in hand.
Tomorrow is a daycare day. Remind me to blog about Friday's daycare day...pure insanity to which no amount of caffeine could save me from.
We got mostly everything over...cept the pots&pans&silverware. LOL. Good thing we live close to amenities that just happen to have microwavable meals & plastic forks or spoons...I'm just wondering why they don't have sporks!
Maybe it's the stress of change wearing on me, cause I didn't actually do any of the heavy moving, but I sure feel like I did!

Moving again...

I'm tired. Two days worth of moving, and I'm not even doing all of the heavy lifting! I'm bagged. Hopefully tonight will yeild some sleep that's a lot more restful. At least we have one more week to get everything out, so it's not just left-til-the-last-minute-hectic.

Moving into town will change a lot of things for us, I expect. Not only will it allow for us to travel monthly into the bigger towns, but it will allow for more social interaction, and resting.

It's very exciting.

This afternoon I have to go do some volunteer duties. I'm bagged. Eventually I'll be able to look back on this and say...well, I made it. Thank god for coffee.

Distractions & Passive Agressives

I dislike being wrong. I also dislike the nature of being a passive agressive person. Unfortunately, it takes a lot of gumption to swallow what's there and keep moving on. Much as we'd like it, life goes on.

I visited the local (6 bed) hospital yesterday, and was forced to call off work. I don't like being down for the count, but it was what it was. There were some persnickety comments made when I called off, and it may be that I will need to have a sit down with my director to discuss this. When I visit the hospital, it's for a damned good reason.
I don't take my own advice. I ought to make my own health more of a priority...I mean, I should be making more use of Universal Health Care, but I'm not. Trouble is, I keep finding reasons to keep me "too busy" to visit any of the providers in our area.
Maybe once we move into town I'l rectify that. I feel so lost of late, you may need to remind me.
The trouble with surviving is that you never think of the future.

Imagination, and Human

The good news is in, and the adorable house we've been eyeballing in town is ours for the next year (the lease says so!). While it's wonderful to set that set of worries to the side, I'm a bit concerned over how smoothly the moving itself will go.

This community just keeps popping up with surprises. We had a new family over to our home this past Sunday, and we all got along terrifically...even our kids. Unusual for us. Anyhow, they offered to let us borrow their Utility trailer for as long as we needed to to get our stuff out of this place and into the new one. Our other friends offer to help move all the furniture for only the cost of a BBQ and possibly a few beers each. Every other time we've asked our friends for help, it was like pulling teeth...and here are these people who doled it out before we could even ask. What a wonderful turn around!

Anyhow, we'll be able to start moving in stuff by the 20th of this month, and will be able to move in on the 28th. It'll give us one week to transfer whatever we can that isn't pack-in-a-suitcase-essential into boxes and bring it into town with us each trip we make. Should be fun, and hopefully relatively smooth on us. I think this will mark a time where both of us can actually do the moving equally for once.

Am finally attempting to get a hold of relatives who had offered to take either one of our boys, or possibly both for any duration at all over the summer, and am currently building myself a schedule of who to slot in where. Hopefully I'll be able to get a hole of those I missed, tonight. We shall see.

I'm feeling both up and down about work, and have "of course" realized that I'm only human (****GASP****) and really do just need to take it all in stride. I secretly think I'm making too much of it, and I just need to lighten up. That's always been easier said than done for myself.

Big changes happening in the family, a death, and a few startling ones that I couldn't see coming. Will make for a very interesting family dynamic come the holiday season, keep an eye out for those laughable moments.

Current laughable moment:
D & I were in the grocery store shopping in the meat section for dinner. The guys dig seafood, I can't even stand the smell. I'm looking at the selection available, and D is checking out the seafood. He comes running over to me: "Mommy, they have imagination Crab Meat!"

It took me a moment to figure out what he was referring to, before bursting out into a fit of giggles. I corrected him, then said yes, it actually could be considered "Imagination Crab Meat".

Ah-Ha, Moving, and Rain

I've had an "ah ha" moment at work in the past week. I'm hoping it makes things flow smoother, and that the feeling of floundering that I've been complaining about goes away before I get my training.

Lots of changes on the way. New home to move into. We had a fruitless search up until now, and have managed to find a place about 2 houses down from the school. We will once again be living very close to D's school, and this time he's old enough to walk to school on his own...we just won't let him know we'll be watching him from the edge of our yard from behind the fence. Course, we haven't officially signed the rental agreement, but it's just a matter of getting it printed off and have the landlord's schedules co-ordinated enough to have both of their signatures on it. It's a very unique house, as there are many additions on to the original structure. You know additions, they tend to just spread out around the original structure. The good thing is, that it's close enough for me to walk to work on days where I'm on at the daycare.

Now, all that being said...y'all know I hate change, and I dislike almost as much moving. The end of the month is looming, literally just over my head, and it feels very stifling. I'm only surviving with the knowledge that we will be comfortable afterwards, and that we won't have to do such a shuffle of everything after we get into the place...though we will require more furniture as the kids will have their own rooms, rather than sharing one.

I'm spending my morning in office today, as it's been a rather hectic week.

I've been suffering moments of self doubt...how can these people look to me for advice and rely on me to refer them to the appropriate agencies? I'm so new to the community, it's amazing that I'm even familiar with what's available. I truly am starting to understand just what a pedestal I am placed on from my clients' perspectives, and it's very intimidating. I still conduct myself respectfully. I still laugh, and chat, and get to know my clients. But I try to hold myself at arms length. For a person as open as I am, I am finding that portion of my duties very difficult.

I am quite comfortable with the knowledge that my hours will be shortened come July. I will be losing a day at the Daycare, which will again leave me with a three day weekend. I'll admit that I am quite happy about that, as I truly feel like I am going too gung ho right now.

At this moment, we are involved in: Clearwater Playschool (President & Secretary) Association, Mighty Mites Softball League, Aboriginal Sharing Centre (I"m running their Craft Tent for National Aboriginal Day, which they are celebrating on the 19th instead of the 21st), Success by 6 Board, and the newly voted in Boyz will be Boyz male role modeling program (that C will be responsible for), the Daycare here, as we;; as YCS where I work. Eventually we will be involved in Boy Scouts for D, and most likely a couple of other sporting groups, as I am anticipating a number of involvement groups as the seasons change.

Combine all that with moving, and anyone can see that I've got a full plate.

Am really trying to make regular visits down to my Gramma's to help keep up the gardening & weeding, as well will be sharing whatever she harvests this year because we weren't able to grow one of our own.

I really need to buckle down and make some phone calls to people who said they wouldn't mind taking our children/child for a bit of time over the summer. I'm really aiming to have a bit of an easier time of childcare with my kids over the summer by asking various relatives to take D for a week/end so that I don't need to be concerned over what everyone is up to and whether or not they're being nice/safe. I'm really glad I have so many relatives who enjoy spending time with D, otherwise I'd probably have some major issues.

I wish I had pictures to accompany this post, but I actually haven't taken any recently, which is a bit of a bummer. Head on over to my flickr page if you'd like to view the latest in my collections.

Most of the newer photos I've taken are of the vibrant colors of the area. It's been like a rain-forest here...almost literally raining everyday for the past month. With all of that rain, the colors really do come alive, and everything is vibrant with life. Of course, this means the mosquitoes in the area seem determined to join together and drain every warm blooded creature in the area until they are the dominating species in the area. My kids have already gotten more mosquito bites this year than that have in all of their years combined! Each and every day I'm administering anti-itch cream, applying a cold cloth, and pouring liquid Benedryl down their little throats. The amount of itching going on in our house is surreal, really. H woke up last night complaining about his foot being itchy and hurting. I turned on the light to discover a grotesque red swollen bump on the inside of his foot where a mosquito must've tried it's hardest to drink the life out of him. No matter how hard we try we just can't seem to keep them out of the house, and I just can't seem to find where they are coming in at or hiding, even though we've all become quick reflexive mosquito squishers. Despite the fact that I have a number of citronella candles, and a whole collection of mosquito sprays, it's impractical to consider these when inside, and that seems to be where we all get attacked. I've woken up many nights because there's one flying round our room in the dark, and manage to squish it once I turn on my light to find it, but who wants to wake up in the middle of the night for one bug...right?

Am rather sick of the rain...of the mosquitoes, and of preparing myself to move. Moving stresses me out. Pray that my nerves settle enough to keep my head on at work.

Happy Birthday Mr!

Tomorrow is Mr's Birthday.
Happy Birthday Mr!
He's turning a big 30!
As he has been saying, he will no longer be a "twenty-something".
Slated for our agenda?
Tonight we're headed to Gramma's for Ice Cream cake and a small BBQ. Tomorrow, a family hike up Trophy Mountain. Dunno how far we'll make it since we've still got snow at a slightly higher elevation, but we're going to give it a shot.
Am all alone at home today with H, as Mr & D headed south for D's first Softball Tournament ever. Apparently he's playing very well, and is enjoying spending some time with his friends. When they finish up they'll come and pick us up for our festivities. Should be fun...

Indulgence

I'm indulging in self pity tonight.
I've been struggling ever since I began my job. Struggling with coping strategies, people's perceptions of me, and how best to approach my clients.
I've never done this job before, I've never had any training, and it's been years since I've worked in a professional environment.
I am only human.
I made a comment to my supervisor earlier this week, about a co-worker of mine. It was made with the intention of not being able to put my finger on something, and worry that I may be missing a link that could be crucial to building a fairly strong bond. My intentions were not clear, because I didn't elaborate on it.
My supervisor reprimanded me today for making the comment, by telling me how unprofessional it was to make such a comment in such a backhanded manner. She also told me whether or not I liked someone I worked with was irrelevant to any professional situation, as long as I could work nicely with them. She also warned me that this was such a small community that I could never be sure who I was talking to, and that for all I knew I could be talking to someone's relative, and that it could potentially get back to the person of whom I'm speaking without ever intending it to. Then she stressed how extremely loyal she was to the staff at my office, and proceeded to express how much we needed to provide a unified front. In all, the reprimand was very strongly worded, with a definite passion to ring the words in.
After a number of thoughtful hours pondering all of this, I've decided to apologize directly to said person, and explain myself in a more direct manner.
The main purpose of said comment, was that I really enjoy the women, but she never really has anything to say about herself, and holds herself in a stand-offish sort of way that confuses me. I guess it may be that I operate differently than she does, and I'd like more than anything to get to know her more, as I do work with her on a regular basis. Maybe it was this hope that I had approached the manner in the wrong way.
Upon reflection I also realized I may have had a bad week for off-hand comments, as I know on at least two occasions that I came off sounding like an ass without meaning to. In both situations it was a mere desire to incur conversation, but it came out in such a manner that I know I raised some hackles while I was at it, just thinking about the reactions to the words I spoke brought.
I'm indulging in self pity, because I know I made a mistake.
I could get all defensive, but I'm not. I know the right thing to do in this situation, but it doesn't make it any easier. I hate making mistakes, especially when someone points them out to me.