So much

Gotta do, Gotta Do, Gotta Do.
I feel like curling up and sleeping forever. I'm so tired.
Gotta finish painting, make curtains for the upstairs, put up the borders in the rooms, vacuum vacuum vacuum, empty boxes and finish unpacking, hang pictures, put laundry away.
I want to get a bunk bed for the boys, Ronnie's pushing for a metal frame for Darius. I dunno what we're gonna do.
I hate being broke, but I have no one but myself to blame...I just need to manage my money better than what I have been. I fall victim to emotional buying as well.
I hate this stuck feeling where I feel like nothing in my relationships will get better. I can't do anything because I refuse to be the one who starts everything. It's always been that way it seems. Is it because it's just more believable to hear my voice say it than someone else's?
I want to turn around and walk away because I feel hopeless that we'll ever get better.
It is NOT my job to build that foundation, it is my job to support it.
I said this would happen, I predicted it, I saw it comin and I couldn't do ANYthing about it because it's like beating at a wall, the wall will always be a wall, I will always be human.
I need a hug and some time away.