Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Cowering in the Shadows

It occured to me today that I should be wondering, why would I want to stay with someone who thinks so little of me? During the times where he was in fault, he told me he'd do anything for me...during this time of tribulation, he's telling me what he "truly" thinks of me.
In my idea of a marriage, you see those things that make up the true person you married, and those things are neither a positive or a negative against them. Those things that make them so vulnerable are never supposed to be used against them, to cause doubt or any negative feelings that are possible. Only because the person who you married is supposed to be the person who shields you, and bolsters you against the winds, and who tells you those things don't matter, that you are better than that. That person is accepting of them, and loves you just the same.
In a fair world, this is what is supposed to happen.
This is an unfair fight, and more and more I'm seeing our pitfalls, the shortcomings of what we thought we could make a marriage are no longer acceptable, or even bearable.
This is no longer the marriage I had, this is some warped distortion of reality that is so repulsive that I don't even want to consider what is past the hand that's covering my eyes.

0 thoughtful remarks: