This Is How My Heart Breaks

It's strange.
I had to come back to Clearwater this weekend for my youngest's 5th Birthday. It's weird being here. Just plain weird.
I was incredibly anxious before I came, and was ill for the first couple of hours, but I'm managing ok now.

My heart breaks when I watch my children, listen to them talk, and hear their delightful giggles. It shatters when they ask me when I'm coming home. It bleeds when they ask me why I can't just see a Dr here in Clearwater instead of seeing one in Kelowna.
My arms ache because they hug me, my throat beats down the sob when they tell me they love me, my eyes get blurry when they smile at me, and I can't breathe because I don't want to leave them.
Tomorrow I'll go back to Kelowna, with empty arms.
Who knows when I'll see them again...maybe next month?