Sunday, April 03, 2005


You know, I swear...four years. I honestly don't know how I've made it this long.
I continually wonder. WTF?! My husband has a degree in Psychology and yet he's completely clueless as to how a relationship works.
A friend once told me that if I sat down and made a list of pros and cons about a relationship, that it would help me see what the big picture could reveal.
All I'm asking for is a minimum effort. I'm such a fucking pushover that I don't even get that. I'm not respected, I'm insulted because not even the minimum is done the majority of the time. Like, you don't do the little things, the small amount that I ask of you, so what does that make me?
You're fucking floormat is what.
You know, I went through this shit with Michael. I said my piece over and over again, and by the end of it, I went somewhere's where I felt they appreciated me. I went elsewhere, is the point there. Here, I'm not going elsewhere, here I would just leave. Not physically, but the relationship would be over nonetheless.
I swear to god, I'm this fucking close ----.
I'm too patient, too lenient, too easy-going, too willing to let you walk all over me.
God, I haven't even dug us out of this hole, and you're already jumping all over me to get me into another one. You want you want you want. I NEED a break, I NEED for you to grow up. If that doesn't happen, then see ya. I'm tired of this shit. Everyone in the world is laughing at me for staying with a fool who can't see what he's doing to me. Who can't see past the end of his nose, who can't see past his own desires. I laugh with them, cause I've got to be the biggest dumbass for sticking around for four years. My son is going to grow up thinkin that this is how relationships work, that this is how he should treat his wife, that this is how life is supposed to be, that he can't do anything about it.
Priorities, needs, desires, the aching ability to dream of your life untold.

1 thoughtful remarks:

Anonymous said...

Most people are clueless when it comes to relationships. Communication seems to be the biggest factor, though awareness, compassion, taking real adult actions that help us shift out of a "child" state to a more expansive and adult sense of ourselves. It's hard work...and I'm no exception - I'm a work in progress. Hang in there love. Ama