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Thursday, March 24, 2011

Spring Blahs

I've been feeling twitchy this week. I'm sure it has NOTHING to do with the fact that D turns 9 tomorrow ;o)
I've been feeling kinda bluesy, and nto able to put my finger on why.
I visited some gal pals today (muchly needed), and discovered my issue. I'm having The Spring Blues.
I've been a renter as long as I've been able to have my own place, never actually having a home of my very own. I've always decorated it the way others wanted to, or not been able to make the changes that suited me because it's never been mine.
In two weeks, Mr becomes a Permanent Resident of Canada. We've been working for this for 7 years, and it's finally coming! I'm excited.
At the same time, my need for a place to call my own is starting to make itself known.
I'm tired of renting, or holding off on changes I'd like to make because it's not in the contract, or just too much effort if we're just going to move in a few months.
Goddammit I just want to know something is permanent! I want my own sense of security, and to know the satisfaction of not putting anything else off to "when I'm able to".
I'm able to now. I'm fucking capable, and willing, and earnest, even, to get something started!
I'm am thoroughly sick of wishing and dreaming of "someday" when I may be able to decorate or paint in shades that I like, or arranging furniture the way that best suits me, or having my own sewing room, or garden to grow and plant and tend.
My spring blah's have me antsy, chomping at the bit, and rearing to go.
Unfortunately, I'll have to be patient a while longer until credit can be established, after all...only fools rush in.
For the time being, I'm going to content myself (hopefully) with building some staggered shelves for my garden pots that'll be growing my peppers, peas & tomatoes (if they continue to grow from the seeds I've planted with my kids' help this week) and anything else that catches my fancy. I'm going to learn how to use a hammer and nail, and any other power tool that may be required, as these have always represented permanence or change when I wasn't ready for it, and scared the daylights out of me. I've got two friends who need home repairs, and who aren't opposed to me helping out in exchange for teaching me how to do said repairs. Hopefully this will curb my craving for stability long enough to get what we need done to eventually get into our own home.
I'm hoping.
Spring has jumped up and bit me right where it counts, and boy howdy, this year I'm gonna do something about it!

2 thoughtful remarks:

Osbasso said...

Spring is still not quite here yet, but damn, it can't come too soon!

Love that you've got dreams of your own home! I've pretty much given up on that idea, but I'm OK with that. Keep the dream alive!!

Carina the Blogarina said...

I feel the same way!! I can't wait to own my own place... My blues comes in Jan/Feb tough.When the sun comes like it has now it makes me forget all about it. Just feeling it on my face make all the stress go away you know? Also, the warmer weather lets me spend more time outside and less time inside thinking about how the walls would look better in another shade of white ;)