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Monday, December 21, 2009

Late Night Ramblings

How does one balance themselves? Do normal people come automatically balanced and know how to function in a normal relationship?
I've always wondered what it would be like to be normal.
You know, the type of folk who don't attract drama, who don't make hasty decisions, who aren't spontaneous, and who automatically come with a built in crises that's prone to erupting at the worst possible time.
Yes, that was a dramatic description, but you get my drift.
What would it be like to have a Christmas that I don't need to fret about because I'd actually have more money to spend?
What would it be like to have a vehicle that doesn't break down (I personally don't believe they exist)?

I took H for a walk today, as both boys were fixing to drive me bonkers. It was a misty rain outside, and we couldn't see town from the road we were on (unusual, because normally we can). We walked for just over an hour (don't worry,I brought the stroller) and he didn't stop talking the entire time. How is it that a 3 year old can possibly have so much to say that it can occupy an entire hour straight??
Darius gave me a hug and wiggled me from side to side, and when I gazed at him with a perplexed look on my face he said "I like jiggling the baby" "I mean belly!"
I'm stressing again. I really wish I could take some sort of class that could teach me a better coping mechanism, instead of having the stress I endure affect my body the ways that it does. This shit can get rather tiresome when the stress decides to make itself a permanent residence in my life. Do I breath? Do I rubb a pressure point? Do I say woosahhh?
I'd love to be able to eat without feelin unfomfortable. I'd love to be able to keep food at normal levels instead of fluxuating with the stress levels.
I know it may be bad to say, but 2009 was a real tough year.
If you think of it this way (and it was rather embaressing to admit to my Dr when I discussed the bodily issues I'm having), I've been in a constant state of stress since April. That's 9 months worth of stress folks. One big thing or another. I have to wonder when my body is just going to say "enough of you I'm going on vacation".
I need to contact Labour Standards tomorrow because I've yet to receive my last pay, and it was due before Saturday. I was hoping I could get away without having to contact them any further about anything. No such luck.
I hope I get a clothes shaver for Christmas, the sweater I'm wearing right now really needs it...

6 thoughtful remarks:

only a movie said...

Wish I could give you some advice... but normal and stress-free are also mysteries to me. Especially at this time of year.

2010 will be better, right?

Hang in there.

The Rambler said...

If you have to get Employment Standards involved, they handle the hard part - all you have to do is to arrange for somebody to pick up the cheque.

Nietha said...

2010 can only be better!

Christmas shouldn't equal money!

See you soon!

The Rambler said...

Can you define 'normal'? I DEFIE you to try! I gave up trying to pin down a definition of normal over 20 years ago.

What is normal for women is different than what is normal for men - just based on physiology if nothing else.

What is normal for somebody of your age, ethnic background marital status, family composition and life experience is truly unique to you, so if you are looking for 'normal' - look in the mirror!

NOBODY on the planet is just like you so why try to be like a composite of everybody else?

You are perfect in every way, regardless of your self-doubting thoughts. If others don't like you (hard to believe) it is because they are projecting their concept of 'normal' on to you based on their age, ethnic background marital status, family composition and life experience - therefore their judgment becomes THEIR problem - not yours.

YOU ARE NORMAL based on your own definitions, so stop trying to be something you are not;it will drive you around the bend.

The Rambler said...

... the type of folk who don't attract drama, who don't make hasty decisions, who aren't spontaneous, and who automatically come with a built in crises that's prone to erupting at the worst possible time...

In 50+ years on this planet, I have never met such a person who has not had thee experiences on a regular basis

Janet said...

yeah, 2009 was really rough for me, too. Hang in there!