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Tuesday, March 15, 2005

Full Time Work?!

God...I don't know about this full time stuff, this is my third week this month (duh) where I'm schedualed every day, all day. I don't know how normal people do full time work.
Big cheque for this month. Yay
Things I'm fed up with:
Being blamed because my son has 8 cavities. Everyone in this household contributes to the upbringing of my son, and I'm not raising him alone.
Being told what I need to do, when I'm comfortable with what I'm doing.
Being irritated at the pickyness of my boss.
Trying to figure out how to work my budget, and have it not work everytime I just think I get it figured out.
Being so flipping tired.
Not being my son's main caregiver.
Having to ask more than twice to have something done.
Not being heard, and learning that it's hard to find someone to trust.
Relying on family when I fuck up this bad.

I'm ashamed that I got bowled over this easy, and though I'm keeping it together, I think that's my problem, is that I haven't lost it because I'm so ashamed.
I'm sick of having my head ripped off every time I try to help, and I'm sick of being told that because I enjoy giving my son treats that I'm a bad mother, and I'm sick of feeling guilty about going out to visit my friends after I get home from work, and I'm sick of not having the amount of time that I want to spend with my son that I'd like.
Seems like every couple of months (or, every time I screw up big time) I get in a modd like this.

On a lighter note, there's a family reunion this year out in ole D'arcy, and regardless of what's happening in my life, I'm going. I don't remember the place at all, and I'd love to meet more family...and maybe try and have a good time with mine.
Was thinkin this eve about the MMMF, that's Merrit Mountain Music Festival, and whether or not we're going. Chance wanted to cause Ty invited us. Was thinkin if ticket prices weren't too bad, I may just invite Marty and Rob. We'll see.

3 thoughtful remarks:

Anonymous said...

Don't be hard on yourself...you're getting done for Darius what needs done - and that's what good parents do. As far as the other stuff, practice makes you more experienced (nobody's perfect) and we learn from our experiences. Hang in there...you're all worth it! Ama

Anonymous said...

thats right... we all contributed :(... we all gave him treats...and you know.. it might be that his teeth are more suseptible to cavaties than others...but dont' beat yourself up about it. Dont' feel guilty about spending time away with friends... I see Darius... asking for what he NEEDS - like going outside or getting taken out shopping and you know.. we all have our needs.... so if you need... go spend time out... :D

Anonymous said...

thats right... we all contributed :(... we all gave him treats...and you know.. it might be that his teeth are more suseptible to cavaties than others...but dont' beat yourself up about it. Dont' feel guilty about spending time away with friends... I see Darius... asking for what he NEEDS - like going outside or getting taken out shopping and you know.. we all have our needs.... so if you need... go spend time out... :D