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Thursday, October 04, 2012

Ugh

I feel like I've been playing catch-up for a while now.
September breezed on by, and I survived it.
We moved from Salmon Arm back to Clearwater, and after a month of bunking in with friends, are now back into a place of our own.
My schooling fell through, and I am now attempting my back-up plan.
The kids are in school, and are making adjustments when neccesary.
I feel kind of lost. It was a great summer, but when it came time to shut it down, I feel like I got kind of hosed, because all of the plans we had made fell through. That's typical for us though. I guess that is a strong sign that we're making the wrong choices.
I'm working on being introspective, as I know there are a lot os things that have been bubbling beneath the surface of late, but I'm having trouble placing my finger on just one, or any for that matter. I don't feel right, or crazy happy.  In fact, I feel a little lonely. This is one of those signs I really need to pay attention to, and try my hardest to remedy. The problem right now being that it's Thanksgiving weekend this weekend. Everyone is busy. This is the time where families join together, and enjoy each others' company, or the ones you love share it with you.  We're not doing that again this year.  I believe this is partly what's bothering me.
Another part is trying to get myself to find a hobby that interests me. Sewing, for me, was always a favorite past-time, but it's been ages since I've sat down & actually enjoyed being creative for the sake of creativity. I miss that. I stopped taking photos long ago, and no longer find any interest in seeing myself on anything or in any shared moment.  I think a big issue for me right now is how I feel about myself.
Since having my plans crumble, and not being able to achieve what I had set out to do at the beginning of the summer, I feel rather lost. I had set a path in place, and it just didn't work out. I know I need to continue trying, or finding new avenues to explore, but I guess you could say I'm moping. I'm wallowing. SO not attractive, I know.
A genuine lack of inspiration, and a feeling of being stuck have left me in a state that I'd rather not be in at all.

2 thoughtful remarks:

Hepburn Hilton said...

So sad to read this post, saw it was posted in october (although the mentioning of Thanksgiving threw me off..) and hopefully things have become better since then. All the best! xoxo Carine Blogarina

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